Hallway Climbing & DUI
Went to a party in the colonies, in the bustling metropolis (not) of Richmond Virginia. This being the colonies, mostly what everybody brought was cheap beer, but a few had wine and there was some hard liquor too. The party was sedate enough, til somebody got the idea of making combo punch.

The party was in an old Victorian mansion, with 12 foot high ceilings, and narrow hallways. And only one loo. So the line for the loo tended to be a bit long, particularly after the punch (consisting of a combo of everybodys bringings) was mixed and remixed. So while waiting in line for the loo (in the upstairs hallway), somebody discovered that it was possible to put his back against one wall and his feet against the other, and walk up the hallways towards the ceiling.

This broke up the monotony of waiting for the loo, and pretty soon, a major amount of the party was to be found just under the ceilings, in both the upstairs and downstairs hallway. Then somebody got sick whilst at the top, no it was not I (I don't think so anyway), into somebody's (female of course) hair, in the hallway below.

Well, I had intended to be somewhere else the following afternoon, so I decided eventually to make my way home and there to sober up. And so about 3 am or thereabouts, I made my exit and staggered back to my auto.

It was a hot and humid Virginia night, so I started the engine and opened the sun roof, then opened all of the windows. And decided that, since I could not really see the ignition switch without a bit of fumbling, driving home was not a good idea. So I closed my eyes for a bit, to wait til I could see no more than 2 images in front of me (I was currently seeing 3 to 5 of everything at the time).

Well maybe an hour later, the neighbors called the cops. And I, sitting peacefully in a drunken stupour, awoke to hear "Sir, have you been drinking?". Having heard that it's not good to lie to the cops, I answered "Yes officer, but I have no intention of driving home, I only came out here to sober up in peace" (as much peace as could be had a block from the chaos ensuing from the party still in progress). And the cop informed me that sitting behind the wheel as I was, with the key in the ignition (and the bell beeping at me), I could be cited for DUI.

So he permitted me to carefully remove the key from the ignition, place it on the floor behind the drivers seat, and crawl into the passengers seat. And he implied that he would be back every hour or so to check up on me, and he had better not find me behind the wheel again, or he would have no choice but to cite me.

So I remained in the passenger seat for several hours, until sunrise actually, and my vision having improved (and the cop never returned), I started the engine and drove home very carefully. I had my eye on the rear view mirror constantly, because I was certain that the cop was waiting around every corner, every block til I got home. Of course he had many better things to do, so he never returned. The wanker.

Customary apology for length.
(nitecruzr, Mon 17 Apr 2006, 6:23, Reply)