Tightwad
This is a very old routine which used to be recited by a guy called Will Fyffe in the old time music halls. He created the myth of the mean Scotsman. It's a great tale. Hope it's true

The Scot's Lament
I'm Scotch and I'm married, two things I can't help,
I'm married - but I have no wife-
For she bolted and left me - but that's nothing new,
It happens sae often in life.
So I journeyed ta London, for that's where she'd gone
With her lover to hide her disgrace.
And though London's a big town I swore I'd not rest
Till I'd searched every street in the place.
And I tramped - how I tramped - weary mile upon mile
Till exhausted and ready ta drop.
I would not give in, so I climbed on a bus,
And took a front seat on the top.
We came to a halt in a brightly lit square
To my joy, there ma lassie I spied,
Looking weary and worn, but thank heaven - alone
From my heart -'Maggie - Maggie' I cried.
She gasped with delight as I rose from ma seat,
But a harrowing thought made me wince,
I couldna get off - for I'd just paid ma fare,
And I've never caught sight of her since!
(reinvented, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 13:07, 4 replies)

Hahaha,
great stuff, that's how Doctor Zhivago should've ended!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 13:32, closed)

Balalaikas!
Would have spared us the next few hours of Omar Sharif looking for the balalaika player...
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 14:14, closed)

Almost but not quite
Great to hear Wiil Fyfe get a mention but I'm pretty sure it was Harry Lauder who did most to push the tight Scotsman routine - and made a mint doing it!
(The Jannie, Sat 25 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

I thought
you were going to tell us about how copper wire was invented....
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 4:18, closed)