Prison Break...
My dad was a bit naughty when he was a lot younger, and as a result he eventually ended up doing a bit of bird for 'relieving a shop of it's weekly takings'

Anyway, whilst inside, his cellmate was, by all accounts 'a bit of a nutter' - not in a violent way, but more in a prophetic sense if you know what I mean.

My old man told me that this guy used to come out with some right corkers, stuff like 'there's aliens on the other side of the moon and they use it as an observation centre to keep an eye on us' - y'know, stuff like that.

Anyway, one particular stir crazy day, he came up with this gem..

Apparently there's enough sugar in Kendal Mint Cake to keep mountain climbers full of energy if they get stuck on their rocky travels, and by all accounts, apart from the inevitable dental pain from such a huge amount of sugar, one gets some kind of energy rush as well, similar to that you'd get in say, a full case of Red Bull.

Well his idea was to get one of his relatives 'on the outside' to send him a large Pork Pie, only instead of our swine flu donating animal friends innards contained within, he'd ask for the filling to be one great big lump of Kendal Mint Cake.

Apparently, It wouldnt show on the prisons X-Ray machine, and cause' it's food, no-one would think any wiser of it.

Then he'd wait until their visiting hour, eat the whole thing on one go - and using the resulting overload of sugary energy, he'd simply run as fast as he could round all the guards, leaving the prison, on foot at break neck speed..

My dad laughed at the guy, after all - who'd have thought that a cons pie racy theory to escape out of the door in that fashion would be that simple?

BONUS POST:
By the way, unlike my work of fiction above, this is actually true: My Grandfather (God bless him, if there is one..) used to think that the council was always listening in on him, one day he was decorating his room, and he pasted a layer of tin foil under his wallpaper in order to combat any 'bugs'

Length? - about 4 metres and very, very shiny...
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 13:40, 1 reply)

Huzzah!
Excellent work 10/10.

*click*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 31 Aug 2009, 13:47, closed)