Very serious now. Ssh.
I was listening to the news about that poor lad who got stabbed to death in London, and how his mates were all in bits about it and really upset and everything. Then I wondered, what if he was a b3tan? How would we know if he was? Would they announce his b3taname on the news, so we would know? What if one of us bought it all of a sudden? Would the rest of us feel shunned and rejected, ignorant of the sad truth?

Or is it just because I don't see other b3tans face-to-face, and you're all in a big room together having a party with cake and booze and sex?

I got all worried for quite a while about this.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 16:58, 78 replies)

You would find out
because one way or another we're all connected...many of us have met in the real world, have each other's mobile numbers, have even shared beds (and goats)....

So we'd let you know.

Probably.


Oi! Someone pass me the cake!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:00, closed)

If I died
None of you would know.

Je suis incognito. Malheuresment.
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:01, closed)

Well, you'll have to make sure you come along to a meet up
Then we'll know you and you'll be trapped safe.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

I'm never
The trapee.

*cunning triple bluff to keep all of QOTW in his cellar*
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:08, closed)

:(
No-ones ever met me!

Serves me right for living in macclesfield :-(
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:10, closed)

Sadly
there's usually (albeit not always) an additional untold non-TV appeal-friendly story.

I live in (admittedly a fairly genteel end of) Hackney and you wouldn't believe the number of local 'good sweet boys who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time' who get involved in violent incidents because actually they're vicious little bastards up to their necks in violence and crime...

No good on TV though is it? You need crying relatives and 'why? he was never in any trouble' speeches, not 'well, the little rat ran with a local crew of criminals and is likely to have been stabbed by a drug dealing rival - so, please come forward with any information etc etc'

Not that I'm saying this is the case with that fellow on the weekend.

EDIT or that just because you're a bit of a wrong'un that murdering you is therefore somehow OK, either. Came out sounding a bit callous there.

I don't really know how relevant any of this is to the Tulip's post. Sorry
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:12, closed)

Monty
you've got a point - not that it's ever good news to hear that someone has been murdered, but it's very rare to hear that they were not a perfect human being.

That said, we're all someone's child.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:18, closed)

My B3ta party earlier in the year was a very subdued affair.
There was only sex, no booze or cake.

Isn't that true Chickenlady.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:19, closed)

*tumesces*
.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:21, closed)

Any b3ta party
I attend will have to have some sex, a few drugs, and a dirty undercurrent of rock 'n' roll.
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:24, closed)

@ Kaol - I tend to wash my undercurrents...I like them much better that way.

@ BGB yes, just sex, lots and lots of sex...but I do seem to remember some cake - although I didn't have any.

EDIT...Hang on a minute....I had wine too.

Erm...well, maybe I didn't.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:26, closed)

oh okay
My real name is Hepzebah Flump and I live in a hedge in Wiltshire. Should I be stabbed (which, let's face it, is not an impossibility in the county town of Trowbridge) then you will now know and can mourn me accordingly. Or accordionally, although that's noisier.

(That, and I'm in contact with a couple of b3tans outside of b3ta and one of them knows my every move. Well, a few of my moves. And yes, of course there was cake and booze and sex. I mean, how else would one party with a b3tan? Couldn't just sit round telling stories all day.)

Sorry, there's no escaping me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:31, closed)

My name is Peter
And I used to live in Yorkshire.
I was quite famous there for a while.

If anyone wants to send me a letter, you can get me at:

Mr. P. Sutcliffe,
Room A128,
H.M.P Broadmoor,
Berkshire,
England.
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:38, closed)

@CHCB
Whoop Trowbridge! Never thought I'd see it mentioned on B3ta. (can you tell I've escaped there finally!)
Have you sampled Trowbridges delights then? I have to go back on Saturday for a Wedding. What fun.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:39, closed)

My will.
I've not met any of you lot IRL so I guess I'd just have to put all my accounts and passwords in my will so that some poor sod can log in and write a site-appropriate obituary for me.

I had the same discussion a few weeks ago on another forum where I use my real name and I thought that one of my friends would Google me to see my life's great accomplishments (mostly bringing a smile to people's faces on web-forums) and then register an account to bring the news of my passing.

@BGB: That's my kind of party too.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:39, closed)

@Kaol
I'd know if you snuffed it. There'd be a disturbance in the force. The police force, that is - the armed response unit that gunned you down.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:40, closed)

Hepzebah Flump
Well I never!

And there was me thinking that you'd emigrated to Belgium back in the 80s.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:42, closed)

^Haha
Sooo true.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:42, closed)

@chcb
I'm not a monster!
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:43, closed)

@Lucy
(I'm not really a Trowbridger, thanks be to god, but I spent an inordinate amount of time going out with Wiltshire blokes so I've adopted it as my territory. Trowbridge ain't my fav place though - I spend more time in Devizes and - gulp - Pewsey. And, er, I'd like to apologise to the good people of Pewsey for pissing by their mini roundabout at New Year.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:43, closed)

Ancrenne is hoping to arrange a shindig this year.
Keep your eyes open in the calender and we might all be able to rub up against each other soon.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:44, closed)

ha haaaa Kaol
"I'm not a monster!
(Kaol hunts children for sport,"
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:44, closed)

@BGB
Wouldn't it take a lot of alcohol to get you to rub up against me?

Where is Ancrenne based?

EDIT: Damn it, betrayed by my sig!
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:45, closed)

@CHCB
Most people who have been to Trowbridge are quite keen to point out they aren't actually FROM there. Sadly I can't escape it!
Still, I got quite excited at its mention there. Oh dear.
Hello everybody by the way!
*waves*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:46, closed)

@Kaol
She's in Southampton but it may take place in London. Early days yet.

Double vodka and tonic and I'll rub up against anyone love.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:48, closed)

Ha-ha
You big handed monster Kaol!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:48, closed)

shindig
Hope we don't invite any /boarders coz they bite. QOTW'ers FTW!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:48, closed)

@BGB
I'll remember that...

@ Lucy: Er hi...
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:50, closed)

@ Kaol
BGB tells no lies.

Keep the tonic locked up.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:50, closed)

@Lucy
my current-ex went to St. Augustine's and he's very vociferous about Trowbridge: he uses swear words a lot in that context :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:51, closed)

@Chickenlady..
Pot....kettle....
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:52, closed)

@ BGB
Me?

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:53, closed)

@CHCB
Oooh St Augustines, a posh one eh? They had uniforms in Sixth Form and all that jazz. I went to John Of Gaunt. We were (more than slightly) rougher. We were more of a teenage pregnancy school.
@Kaol, don't be shy, I don't bite. Well sometimes I do. If I'm hungry or tempted.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:53, closed)

^oh
I don't think Kaol's shy. Not if he likes to do what I think imagine he likes to do.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:56, closed)

@ Lucy
Biting can be good, I'm not worried...


@ Everyone: I'm off soon, so catch you Monday... Don't let this place go to shit while I'm gone...

EDIT @ chcb: what do you think I like to do?
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:56, closed)

@chcb
What do you think he likes to do?

I think he likes to do many things. Sleep is not one of them.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:57, closed)

*shuffles uncomfortably*
er, I dunno. Just, er, stuff.

*hides cable ties*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:58, closed)

PoD!!!
How did the exam go? I really hope your sig isn't the truth!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:58, closed)

Shall we all discuss Kaol now he's gone.
Whisper, whisper, whisper.... I hear he likes to drug goats with a pal of his and gets them to dance around the kitchen for his pleasure.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 17:59, closed)

Ah, that kinda stuff...
Yeah, that kinda stuff is fantastic.

Er... *goes home*

EDIT: that was @chcb, damn you BGB, damn you to Heck!
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:00, closed)

Unfortunately...
It is very close to the truth. The tears were more hayfever induced afterwards, but the exam was awful. Truly awful.

Y'know the kind of exam where you look at the paper, and simply can't remember how to do something?

It was like that, but for lots of things.

74% for a folio I got back afterwards though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:00, closed)

@BGB
He's a dirty 'un all right.

*glees*

@Penguin: much sympathy and a massive b3ta group hug to you, sir.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:00, closed)

@Penguin
Have my sympathies as well

* joins group hug *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:05, closed)

@ PoD
Well done on the folio, excellent mark.

You never know, you might have done better on the exam than you think you have....if not, at least by getting a high mark for the folio you've proved that you *can* do it and that maybe you're just not as good under pressure.

Added to which in a couple of years time none of it will matter!

Have a few beers tonight and forget it all.

*Joins in group b3ta hug*

*removes unknown hand from backside*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:06, closed)

@Chickenlady
Sorry! that was me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:08, closed)

Leave my hand, I'm sad.
Folio was for a completely different class. Made me smile a bit though. Handed in a scathing class review form too which made me happy.

And I can do it. Just that subject's revision may have been slightly hindered by not wanting to do any exams.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:08, closed)

PoD
Ah well...if it was just because you couldn't be arsed then the chances are you did reasonably well.

EDIT - it's all the cycling, isn't it? I've an arse you could bounce coins off....apparently.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:10, closed)

@ Penguin
Well done for the folio mark thingy!

*dries tears*
*passes cake*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:12, closed)

CAKE!
Yum.

*Nyoms*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:14, closed)

ooh, hello chickenlady
don't scoff too much cake, or your lovely coin-bouncing arse will disappear!

EDIT: that came out all wrong. I - oh, where's the codeine?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:15, closed)

Don't forget the cream
Oh dear. Too late! Chickenlady's eaten all the cake. What am I going to do with my cream?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:15, closed)

Okay then
Who's going to do a B3ta cake lovers badge?
( girlinthehole, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:15, closed)

Did I hear the word "cake"?
I did? Oh goody.

PoD, maybe you did better than you think. I always thought I'd failed exams, but passed most of them (except maths - bloody awful subject)

*passes cake back*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:16, closed)

where is our lovely Loon?
I hear he does a fine line in badges.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:17, closed)

Not me this time
As I can just about allow myself to post on here when I've a deadline looming (tomorrow, so it'll go to press next Tuesday) but I can't play with Fireworks to make badges until after tomorrow.

I'm a lazy moo.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:18, closed)

oh, save me some cake
sorry, I got distracted writing porn. Moment of inspiration and all that. Must've been the cable ties.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:18, closed)

Y'never know
Will just have to wait until July now to find out. Concentrate on other two exams now.

Cake will make things better. Much better.


I have a train journey tonight, I might have a go at a badge.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:19, closed)

@chickenlady
If you've got an arse you can bounce coins off, does that also mean you can clench a 50p coin between your buttocks (apparently, this is the secret to being able to do a good handstand)?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:19, closed)

@ HLT
The only reason I keep up the cycling and climbing is so I can eat industrial quantities of cake and chocolate.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:19, closed)

*passes cake to chcb*
cable ties? Dare I ask?

Don't you find that they dig into the bones on the wrist? Or is that just me?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:20, closed)

@ mistaspakkaman
I've got a lovely round No.

You could always rub No.

So many to choose from!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:21, closed)

@ Mistaspakkaman
Can't everybody?

*Bends over, coins all crash to the ground like a slot machine
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:21, closed)

@weewitch
yeah, but they're supposed to hurt. That's part of the fun.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:21, closed)

@chcb
Supposed to hurt, or supposed to cut off the circulation?

*makes note to hide all the cable ties again*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:25, closed)

I'm so glad you're all here
I've just been told that the theatre I work in, and am in now, all alone*, is haunted.

I have got to lock up by myself later.

*quivers*



*apart from the drama brats
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:25, closed)

@hlt
if it's haunted by theatrical type gosts, just tell them they got really really bad reviews on "Most Haunted" and they'll stomp off in the huff.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:27, closed)

@ HLT
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


Give the ghosties and ghoulies some cake.

Or spirits.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:28, closed)

.
@HLT: I think I'll just insert the coin into the slot.

@Chickenlady: Christ! I've won the jackpot!!!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:29, closed)

Do you think that will work?
If I feed them/it/him/her cake and booze?

Shall I put a tablecloth over my head and try to scare them back?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:31, closed)

@ hlt
don't know about scaring the ghosts, you'd certainly scare the poop out of the drama brats.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:32, closed)

hlt
YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!


I really think you ought to do that.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:32, closed)

Off to frighten the ants
And dig in the garden.

Bye bye!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:34, closed)

@ WW
I don't know, they're all insanely over-confident in that Geri Halliwell, "I'm a star" kind of way, so they'd probably take some scaring... unless I told them all they're rubbish. Then they'd probably run off crying. HA.

I have chosen to defend myself by eating a KitKat and surrounding the box office with a string of garlic, some posters about some films, and my coat, and my handbag.

That'll work, won't it?

EDIT: they're all screaming, and I haven't done anything to them!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:35, closed)

Er. yes
Yes, of course that will work....


*prepares for death of hlt*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:36, closed)

hang on,
can ghosts actually kill me to death?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:38, closed)

@ hlt
aaah, baby star types are they? Do the world a favour and cull them now. No jury in the land would convict you. Just hold up the Ginger one as an example of what they'd have turned into and you're a free woman. You might even get a medal.

EDIT: Ghosts can't kill you - just scare the buggery out of you.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Wed 14 May 2008, 18:39, closed)

Ooh, medals!
I like medals!

YAy!

*dons Pied Piper cloak, opens cellar*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 14 May 2008, 18:41, closed)

Ghosts can kill you.
They can make you fall down the stairs, or fly scissors into your throat.
( Cawl, Wed 14 May 2008, 19:44, closed)