Stupidity
It was my last my night at university. I was living in halls during my fourth year (this is at a Scottish uni) and had my stuff packed up ready for my folks to pick me up in a mini-van the day after. However, my brother and a mate of mine came to stay on this final night for a night of maximum beer, pot and general self-indulgence.

So we three of us got toked away in my tiny room (using some ingenuity in constructing bongs, bagpipes, tulips and Camberwell carrots), and got completely trollied at the student union, cheap pint after cheap pint flowing. Then we went off to visit an acquaintance, the campus dealer, to get some spliffage and generally act out the entire fucking stereotype. The campus dealer was a dry, relentlessly cynical guy, him and his friends looking like the stoner guys in the Streets video "The Irony Of It All". But once we got to their halls, out a bunch of them dashed, one of them clutching a baseball bat, with evil intent bristling from their eyes.

This was unusual. "What's going on?" I dribbled semi-sentiently.

"We're going to smash up this car!" one of Cheech and Chong said, indicating a car in a patch of unkempt grass. "It's been here for ages, it's abandoned."

So SMASH! CRASH! BANG! we took turns into laying into the Fiat Uno. It madee the car smashing episode out of "Porky's" look totally half-assed: the windsheild, headlights, windows, bonnet, wing mirrors, back lights, back windshield, door panels, boot - every conceivable part of the car got a baseball-batting. I felt like one of the mobsters taking out Joe Pesci at the end of "Casino".

But of course we were making a hell of a racket, lights were coming on and it felt like a good time to beat a hasty retreat. We were just away to head back in when we got intercepted by the campus security who asked for my ID card.

"There you go," I said, like a polite fucking moron.

"RUN!" my brother suddenly said, dashing away. For no good reason, I followed him, and my mate too, leaving the guy standing there looking at my ID card and laughing to hmself. I led us behind the halls to a wooded area where no-one could see us but I could see the comings and goings. Eventually the area cleared, and we went back for some spliffage. Things got fine and mellow for a while and we sniggered at our tomfoolery. What japes!

Until the door swang open and two police marched in, followed by the security guy. "Get that fucking shit away NOW!" one barked. Spliffs and quarters disappeared fast.

"Who's Chinaman?" they said, holding a card. My fucking card. "You!" they said, noticing me. My cunning disguise of taking off my classes had not succeeded. "Get up! This way!"

Off to the cells I got taken. Turned out the car hadn't been abandoned. Its Road Tax had expired, and it had been left there until the owner could afford to get some more.

Oooops. Got a 200 quid fine a few month later, which I thoroughly deserved for being a stupid cunt. And that was my one night of vandalism.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 14:02, Reply)