losing would be more accurate for this one
a couple of weeks ago one of our clients had a quiz night for charity. we went along and also chucked a fair amount of money at the raffle, mostly for the good cause, but also because the prizes were pretty good. apart from tesco, which had donated a whole £10 voucher. nice one tesco. your generosity for cancer patients is overwhelming.

the raffle prizes were drawn one by one, but nobody seemed to be winning the luscious baskets which had drawn us in like a siren's song after several bottles of wine. eventually it turned out this was a different draw, and one which we had somehow missed. we watched in indignant outrage as basket after basket of champagne and chocolates, cheese and red wine, designer hair products and perfumes all went to other people who had somehow managed to hop on board this gravy train.

then they were down to the last prize. we couldn't see what it was, but the announcer said it was "very special". oh how right she was. and then she called out.... "neil johnson". my colleague neil nearly choked on his wine. he went up to get his prize and we seethed at his duplicity. how had he managed to enter it without us knowing? how??

a couple of minutes later neil came back and we all stared open mouthed at his "prize". which was a shitty bhs toy racing car, clearly an unwanted christmas 3 for 2 gift. in a battered box. then we howled with laughter. neil was the same scarlet as the car, frantically denying any wrongdoing about entering the draw.

then a woman arrived and tapped him on the shoulder. she gestured at the car. "you owe me £20 for the ticket," she reminded him. this was the single thing that could have made it funnier... not only had he won the shittiest prize of the night with absolutely no recollection of entering the draw, but he then had to fork over twenty big-men for something you wouldn't give to a tramp-child. AND he had to take it home on the tube.

i will be surprised if this makes sense in the morning after tonight but i HAVE spell-checked it just for you special little cunts... xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 1 May 2011, 1:38, 9 replies)

I don't think anyone's ever spell checked something especially for me.

I feel privileged.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Sun 1 May 2011, 1:41, closed)

well
my typing goes totally to pot after many vodkas and i get the piss taken out of me on OT for being a pisshead so now i am typing in word and spell checking first. who says alcohol kills brain cells??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 1 May 2011, 1:47, closed)

On the contrary, you get the piss taken out of you on OT for being an amateur pisshead.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 1 May 2011, 1:54, closed)

Would that not make her an amateur head.

Which funnily enough is just what I was googling for.
(chuckle_h0und You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war, Sun 1 May 2011, 2:00, closed)

and the rest :((((((((((((
/victim
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 1 May 2011, 2:12, closed)

I'll have you know I'm a special *big* cunt.

(Pie of Meat ___°¬¯O¯____\o/_____/\_,____Y¯¯Y, Sun 1 May 2011, 2:35, closed)

I like women who can swear convincingly
good job.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Sun 1 May 2011, 12:57, closed)

Your spelling appears fine.
However, the lack of capitalisation makes me weep tears of bitter frustration. I hold myself flaccid in disappointment.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Mon 2 May 2011, 15:26, closed)

I thought spell checking was built in to browsers nowadays?

(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 2 May 2011, 21:43, closed)