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Profile for Me, I'm not...:
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Being ignored by the following thin-skinned wankers:
Gnostic Yeti; Gujarati Yeti

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Best answers to questions:

» Lies that went on too long

The batteries once ran down on my walkman whilst I was listening to Guns 'N' Roses.
I coldn't be arsed to stop it or take my earphones out whilst it slowly played through the album.
(Tue 13th Mar 2012, 16:15, More)

» Crap Gadgets

A guy I knew had a load of gadgets.
Most would have been quite good, but the voice recognition software they used was shit. I lose track of the times he's call for his gadget skates and the umbrella would pop up.
(Tue 4th Oct 2011, 21:01, More)

» First World Problems

There is nothing to complain about.
The BBC is perfect and you have a home and food so you can pay for it.
If you have a home and a job then your pension being worth fuck all is not anything you are allowed to moan about.
You are rich so the fact your taxes are being used to pay for wars around the world is not your concern and you have no right to moan.
You have running water and a roof over your head so you have no right to ingest any substance your superiors decide you ought not to have.
You were born in the UK so have no right to complain that other UK citizens are taken by the US to offshore prison facilities.
Your water comes from a tap so you have no right to find it unacceptable that people are harassed for taking photographs in public places.
If you live in the first world your government is beyond reproach and you have no reason to criticise.
(Thu 1st Mar 2012, 23:12, More)

» Weird Rituals

When eating a banana.
I have to open it then, holding it in my right hand push my mouth down onto it by pushing my left hand onto the back of my head. I think I must have learned it from Uncle Ian because I always think of him when I do it.
(Fri 16th Dec 2011, 19:36, More)

» Bodge Jobs

Large project gone wrong.
I was once fortunate enough, or so I thought, to be apointed project manager for a large community building project.
The problems started on day one. We were supposed to be creating a large hemispherical structure to house various exibits -- but the budget was severly lacking. Added to this, the contractors were all minimum-wage and knew nothing of building -- it took months just to get the circular frame layed out.
This is where the bodge came in:
There was no way that the bunch of expendable numpties taken on to build this were going to be able to manage a conventional roof of this size. So, I was forced to improvise. I chose to cover the structure in an organic semi-permeable membrane -- quite a new idea at the time.
Anywho -- the project finished, I was paid and all was well. That is, until the opening ceremony -- some daft twat had used almost-fresh skins for the roof. The torches carried by the priests for the first sacrifice lead to the building burning down -- the only trace left being the door and window frames -- which were specially positioned to allow the viewing of celestial events.
Last time I do any building for those bloody druids in Wiltshire.
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 17:56, More)
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