Published comedy author
Below reminded me. I had the following joke published in Maxim in 1998. I remember the year because it was the only year I lived in that flat that they delivered the crate of beer to.

Why is the gap between a woman's chest and hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.


Not exactly my proudest moment.



I also had a joke published in Empire in about 1995 or so. My memory tells me that I invented this fucking joke, but my memory may be wrong if anyone can find evidence of it existing earlier. I can't remember the month it was published, but the previous month the spine quote was from Bad Boys. ("...and a bag of blueberry skittles") because I recognised it and mentioned it in the same email.


'Dear Empire,

I can scarcely believe this rumour is true, so I am turning to you for confirmation. Are they really making an action film based on the lives of the great composers? I ask because I heard that Stallone would be playing Mozart, Van Damme playing Strauss and that Schwazenneger* was quoted as saying "I'll be Bach"'


Apparently it 'caused a right old chortle round the office, that one'.


I was prouder still when I received the same joke back to me in a stupid chain email just last summer.






*they may well have had to tidy up my spelling of Schwazenneger, I have no idea really.



EDIT: And I just remembered my text in Metro.


Someone has written about seeing a man dressed as a Native American on her train. They published my reply asking if she checked that he had a reservation.


I get bored on my commute sometimes.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:49, 6 replies)

Sorry
but that joke is much older than that. I remember hearing it in school so pre 1992.

Good joke though!
( Peej, Wed 4 May 2011, 12:00, closed)

I am not entirely surprised.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 May 2011, 12:04, closed)

are you
Barry Cryer?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 4 May 2011, 20:50, closed)

I take that
as the biggest compliment since someone told me I reminded them of a 'young Eric Morecombe'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 May 2011, 8:24, closed)

The line from Bad Boys is actually
"...and some Skittles."

You're a big fat liar who is lying, and I demand an apology for such outrageous lies.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Thu 5 May 2011, 0:14, closed)

Bugger
You are right. The spine quote must have been the 'topical fruit bubbalicious'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 May 2011, 8:22, closed)

'tropical'
I am not sure what a 'topical fruit' is. Boy George hasn't been arrested again has he?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 May 2011, 8:23, closed)