» Running away

Breakout
We had a thing at our school called Breakout. This was a yearly which was thoroughly encouraged by parents and staff alike and involved small groups (4-5 people) of students seeing how far away they could get from the school in 24 hours without spending any money i.e. hitch-hiking, begging etc. One year, the three finalists were as follows; in third place a group of kids got to Bath, in second 3 of the people in my year got to Bologne (North France, can't be bothered to check my spelling) but the winners, 4 girls from the upper sixth somehow managed to get to St Petersburg (yes, in Russia). Not a bad effort. They managed to sweet talk their way as part of a courier ticket, i think. Can't imagine anything like this ever being allowed nowadays. I refer the right honorable readers to the current nanny state image challenge.
(Sun 13th Aug 2006, 14:07, More)

» Celebrities part II

Cheggers
This story is a bit of a hand-me-down but it's wonderful. A friend of a friend was working as a proctologist somewhere (i'm so definite with my locations, characters but it gets better). Anyway, this guy was called to a cubicle where a man was waiting for a rectal examination of some sort. When he pulled the curtain open, the scene revealed was none other than that of Keith Chegwin in his hospital pyjamas. Cheggers (remember he was about to have a stranger rifling thorugh the contents of his shit box) turned with glee to welcome my friend to his cubicle, raised both of his thumbs and said "Wahey!".
I'm not sure that he did this when my friend was wrist-deep in his hoop though.
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 16:13, More)

» Desperate Times

Trip to Hamburg
I went for an interview in Hamburg for reasons I won't go into cos they're boring. Anyway, after the interview i got changed at the Youth Hostel (man i was splashing out on accomm) and went out to the Reeperbahn (Hamburg's red-light district for those not in the know) to meet some friends and get leathered. So, after numerous drinks, peepshows, lapdances and nearly getting killed in a 'private bar' i ended up having to get a cab back to the hostel at about 2 in the morning. Knew the name of the place, amazingly enough, and saw the cabbie right for his money. What i hadn't expected was to be locked out of the hostel. Then i remembered it locked up at 11pm and opened again at 6am. Hmm. It was very cold. So having found no entry through any open windows I lay down in a storm gutter and covered myself with leaves and slept. So pissed i didn't care. Managed to get in at 6am when some swots were leaving to go to a museum or something. Never been so close to freezing to death. Thank you German leaves.
(Thu 15th Nov 2007, 23:15, More)

» My first experience of porn

Getting porn the old fashioned way
I was probably about 9-10 when i first discovered a gold mine of grumble in some waste land round the back of my mate's house. There was loads of different pictures from granny porn to the more acceptable ladies in lingeries showing their muffs. I was quite taken aback by the amount of 'meat' that seemed to be coming out of these mysterious orifices, like badly stuffed kebabs (to quote the Profanisaurus). Still find that sort of thing brilliant. Internet porn and over development has kinda spoiled it now. Kids will never know the delight of handling magazine that have already been 'used'. Ahh memories.
(Thu 25th Jan 2007, 17:41, More)

» Evil Pranks

Remote Control Watch
First week in Halls and the resident attention whore starts telling people that there's been poltergeist activity in her room. A spoon had been seen on the floor and then later it was on the bed or something equally unexplainable. Anyway, she continues to make these claims whilst I was having a cuppa with her in her room. Feeling like a wind-up I switched her telly on with my the remote control on my Casio watch (only about £40 a worth every penny). Having blatantly made up the spoon prank she starts to panic after the telly swithces itself back on, has problems with the volume and starts changing channels. Now, this only happens when i'm in the room but this correlation didn't seem to matter to her one-track mind. She then invited as many people who could fit into her room to witness the spectacle as she barked out commands to obedient television. She even used her mind to speak to the ghost by imagining what channel she wanted it to change to. I picked one at random and she declared to the room that she had indeed thought of that one. One of the more-fragile-minded international students from Greece left the room and ran down the hall yelling. I then revealed my watch to everyone and noted how I was suddenly the hero and Mrs Attention Whore was the twat. I can't help thinking that she was wrong in not speaking to me for the rest of term. I made her the talk of the halls which is essentially what she wanted.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 22:04, More)