Againnot one I actually cooked, but did have to eat:
Mate of mine at uni had a really, really, really horrible little bastard of a brother, a crusty called Paul who was so foul he'd once worn a baseball cap 24 hours a day for six months to see what happened (what happened was his hair sort of matted into a lump not unlike a flat rhino horn which slowly migrated down his back as his hair continued to grow). Anyway, he was laying low for a bit over the matter of some unpaid fines and came to stay with his brother in the wilds of the north coast of Northern Ireland. Given that every person who met him hated him on sight, we used to wonder what it would take for his bruv to tell him to fuck off or be killed. What it took was for him to start cooking. I only ever sampled his work once, when what was on the menu was:
* Smash mash made with half water and half tomato ketchup
* Some crispy brown stuff, which may have involved onions at some stage
* Raw carrots
and by way of piece de resistance
* Some pink stuff that he refused to tell us what it was
When we tried the pink stuff, it quickly became clear that the reason he didn't want to tell us what it was, was that it was strawberry Cremola Foam mixed with milk to make a searing yet creamy paste that tasted like nothing I've ever had before or since.
(,
Thu 9 Oct 2003, 15:18,
archived)
Mate of mine at uni had a really, really, really horrible little bastard of a brother, a crusty called Paul who was so foul he'd once worn a baseball cap 24 hours a day for six months to see what happened (what happened was his hair sort of matted into a lump not unlike a flat rhino horn which slowly migrated down his back as his hair continued to grow). Anyway, he was laying low for a bit over the matter of some unpaid fines and came to stay with his brother in the wilds of the north coast of Northern Ireland. Given that every person who met him hated him on sight, we used to wonder what it would take for his bruv to tell him to fuck off or be killed. What it took was for him to start cooking. I only ever sampled his work once, when what was on the menu was:
* Smash mash made with half water and half tomato ketchup
* Some crispy brown stuff, which may have involved onions at some stage
* Raw carrots
and by way of piece de resistance
* Some pink stuff that he refused to tell us what it was
When we tried the pink stuff, it quickly became clear that the reason he didn't want to tell us what it was, was that it was strawberry Cremola Foam mixed with milk to make a searing yet creamy paste that tasted like nothing I've ever had before or since.