Brilliant stories, but...I have lived with many total mentalists, one guy was from Scotland and used to drink quite a bit more than he could handle. Then, in the middle of the night when he felt the urge to vomit copiously, as he inevitably did, instead of going to the toilet next door, he would puke down the back of his bed. And leave it there. Two or three times a week. For 11 months. When he moved out we had to use a scraper to remove the curtain from where it had grown onto the window, our landlord said the bed was actually stuck in place and had to be forcibly removed, then burned. Along with carpets matress etc.
He also came home at night and put food in the oven then passed out pissed. We woke up one night with the house filled with smoke and alarms going off. I thought shit the house is burning but i ran downstairs to the kitchen. Flatmate was lying on kitchen floor unconscious in vast pool of urine with smoke billowing from oven door. I open door and inrush of air causes gout of flame to engulf me, singeing me considerably. I fell back, slipped in his wee and sat down on his arm. Which broke. He didn't wake up though and thought he had fallen while walking home. we also started the old 'hand in pot of warm water while sleeping' trick when he was drunk on the sofa btw it really does work! he actually went to the doctor complaining of incontinence. brilliant.
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Mon 24 Nov 2003, 12:49,
archived)
He also came home at night and put food in the oven then passed out pissed. We woke up one night with the house filled with smoke and alarms going off. I thought shit the house is burning but i ran downstairs to the kitchen. Flatmate was lying on kitchen floor unconscious in vast pool of urine with smoke billowing from oven door. I open door and inrush of air causes gout of flame to engulf me, singeing me considerably. I fell back, slipped in his wee and sat down on his arm. Which broke. He didn't wake up though and thought he had fallen while walking home. we also started the old 'hand in pot of warm water while sleeping' trick when he was drunk on the sofa btw it really does work! he actually went to the doctor complaining of incontinence. brilliant.
Cocktail, drink-driving, piddled pants, escaped loony storyWell, not really a flatmate but a mate who let me stay at his flat for the first (and probably last) time. The story was this.... me and 2 mates had been on a weekday night out in Newcastle and rather overdone things. Going to a cocktail bar and trying all the cocktails on the list was probably not the best idea in retrospect. Anyway, was so trolleyed that I had to be carried into and dumped on the back seat of a mate's car who then drove myself and other mate home. I was far too well gone to notice that mate no.1, who was driving the car, was also completely pissed - a consequence of which was several near misses with over vehicles, lampposts and other obstacles on the 20 mile journey home. I was too well gone to actually get home so mate no.2 let me and mate1 stay at his place. They bundled me into bed and the next thing I remember is that's it's the early hours and my mate is shouting to me, "Wake up, you dirty bastard, you've wet the bed". Unfortunately I had indeed soaked the bed, with him in it. To make matters worse mate2 (whose flat it was) then found mate1 having a piddle on the kitchen floor. Needless to say we haven't had an invite back since.
The next morning however he did let me borrow a pair of tracksuit bottoms to walk home in. So there I was walking home with hair all over the place, a creased 'going out' shirt on, 'going out' shoes on (stained with sick), a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a carrier bag containing my heavily piddled pants. Must have looked like an escapee from a mental institution. To make matters worse I was laughing to myself all the way home which must have made me look like a right fruitcake. To compound matters further, I decided to cut through the local mental hospital to avoid being seen by work colleagues or anyone else who knew me. I had to climb over a wall to get out of the back of the mental hosp which must really have looked like I was an escapee then. Luckily the 'men in white coats' didn't try to drag me back in.
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Mon 24 Nov 2003, 13:15,
archived)
The next morning however he did let me borrow a pair of tracksuit bottoms to walk home in. So there I was walking home with hair all over the place, a creased 'going out' shirt on, 'going out' shoes on (stained with sick), a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a carrier bag containing my heavily piddled pants. Must have looked like an escapee from a mental institution. To make matters worse I was laughing to myself all the way home which must have made me look like a right fruitcake. To compound matters further, I decided to cut through the local mental hospital to avoid being seen by work colleagues or anyone else who knew me. I had to climb over a wall to get out of the back of the mental hosp which must really have looked like I was an escapee then. Luckily the 'men in white coats' didn't try to drag me back in.