» Slang Survey

and
I heard a guy in a belfast bar at the weekend say he was "fucking shipmanned last night" meaning he couldn't even finish a sentence...
(Mon 2nd Feb 2004, 16:11, More)

» Booze Related Disasters

oooh
I remember leaving (being chucked out) of this pub about 3 miles from my house at 2am. Next thing I remember I was lying on my living room floor and my flatmate was looking down at me genuinely concerned:
"Where did you get the bike?"
"What bike?" I ask, trying to focus. Rather surprisingly he said
"That bike on top of you."
"Oh right..."
Somewhere along the way home I had managed to lose my wallet, gain a black eye, lump on head, and an expensive mountain bike. In my pissed up wisdom i decided to ride it 100 yards down the road to the police station to hand it in. I had to say 'ummm I found it'... went home and continued drinking. woke up naked on living room floor, ground floor of house trashed and clothes soaking wet and plastered with mud. I often wonder where the mud came from... I am not a heavy drinker now.
And one other time my mate and i were at gig, it was really bad so we decided to drink. We woke up with BIG hangovers in his room at his parents house, neither of us could remember how we got there! BTW his parents lived about 40 miles away. yay!
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 12:52, More)

» Shit Stories

cleaning bill!
On my travels a few years ago in a nasty hotel in a nasty unfriendly country, Johnny foreigner poisoned me with some deadly prawns. I remember crawling along the floor of my room covered in my own liquid shite, from the bed (also covered in gallons of liquid shite) and trying to get to the toilet (already filled with liquid shite as the water was turned off for 6 hours every day). Now when I hear the name of the city I can think of only one thing, can you guess what it is? .
Did I mention that I was also being sick at the same time ? Well I was. Death started to look attractive before I went into hospital and later got a 200 quid cleaning bill for my shite covered hotel room. Still haven't paid it...
(Fri 7th May 2004, 0:50, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

let battle commence
I'd love a handlebar-mounted raw sewage cannon for punishing wanker city drivers and dipstick pedestrians. Car-penetrating sewage warheads might also be developed...
reclaim the streets!
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 19:38, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

death to syphilitic teddy bears and their creator...
by forwarded email, after 2 1/2 years, after a night of what I thought of as wonderful lovin', and the bitch only lived about 2 miles away! It was one of those fucking 'Forever Friends' e-cards FFS! after the homicidal tendencies passed cue 2 weeks of utter drinking chaos until I just wised up and went on the rebound with a rather sexy and posh 17 year old nympho...(I was 20 by the way)
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 12:48, More)