These are extracts from actual letterssent to various councils and These are extracts from actual letters sent to
various councils and housing associations throughout the UK.....
(sorry its a bit big but funny none the less - hal9000)
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. and their 18 year old son
is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad
wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in
September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the
house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen 50% of the walls
are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you
please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner
and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his
cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please
send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please
do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have
no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.
He has this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
(various councils and housing associations throughout the UK.....
(sorry its a bit big but funny none the less - hal9000)
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. and their 18 year old son
is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad
wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in
September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the
house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen 50% of the walls
are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you
please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner
and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his
cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please
send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please
do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have
no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.
He has this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
hal9000 sme,
Mon 24 Sep 2001, 7:57,
archived)