NEWSLETTER: "BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY VS. LOST"
This Week:
* VIDEO - Tramps drink Captain Morgan
* CASH - the Queen sucks Ozzy cock
* GIFS - Star Wars in 168k
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 202 - 28 Oct 2005
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue202/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
Queen cock, Star Wars, B3ta Calendar
>> Captain Morgan = tramp drink <<
Captain Morgan make rum. We're sure it's very
lovely and they didn't commission this rather
amusing little video of a young gentleman
slurping down on the blind-juice. (Thanks
dopekiks.)
http://media.putfile.com/captainmorgan
>> Rude money <<
Australian reader xiangk follows up last week's
mention of how to make the Queen smile on a fiver
with, "My mum taught me this trick when I was in
fourth grade - folding an Australian five dollar
bill to create an image that resembles fellatio.
It's made me laugh ever since." Made us laugh too.
Our Queen loves teh cock.
http://www.b3tards.com/uploads/fivedollartrick.jpg
>> Star Wars in 168k <<
We don't generally link to much of the
photoshopping stuff on our site from the
newsletter, but this is special. FoldsFive
has made a couple of tiny animations which
tell the story of Star Wars all in little
pixels. They've been all over the web ten
times already before this mention, so big
woos for our man:
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5247035
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5254259
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: B3TA CALENDAR
Come to the pub with b3ta people
Ooh. We've been meaning to give our calendar
a write-up for a while. It's simple enough
really: you can set up an event and ask
people to come, or read other people's events
and come along. Hopefully meaning more beer
for everyone and the company of people you've
already got something in common with.
http://b3ta.com/calendar/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Lost song <<
Been watching Lost? Fantastic show. As we're
so media-spunky, we're ahead of the curve and
have been watching season two via bum-torrents
and divy-xs. Anyway, fans will enjoy this
slightly mental tribute where the cast sing
Queen's Bohemian Rhapsoody.
http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/lost
>> Relaxed cat <<
Enjoying this video of a cat laying on his
back. It's the confused mewing that does
it for us.
http://10e.org/file/debuneko.wmv
>> Derelict London <<
The official B3ta wife, Lucy, was looking for
ideas of where to take the official B3ta Mum
for a Saturday afternoon walk and she
suggested the Parkland Walk, a disused railway
line in North London. Check out the photos,
they're great. Actually, have a look at the
rest of the site for some fantastic images of
our knackered capital.
http://www.derelictlondon.com/id638.htm
>> Very cool illusion <<
Quite partial to a quick optical illusion at
B3ta HQ. It reminds us of being young and
pointing torches into our eyes to get
tracers.
http://www.patmedia.net/marklevinson/cool/cool_ill...
>> Carrots make you orange <<
Twenty years ago a bloke called David Redhead
told us that "eating carrots makes you go
orange" and that it was true because he'd
"watched it in an episode of Juliet Bravo."
We still don't know if he was telling us porkies,
as this bloke's been eating them for two weeks
now and his skin is still as white as snow.
http://orangeman.commo.de/
>> Popcorn <<
What's the best thing about an Ethiopian
blowjob? You know she'll swallow. And speaking
of rotten jokes from the past, remember the
Popcorn tune? You know. Pop pop pop pop pop p'
pop? Exhaustive history here. If you've got
some headphones, it's kinda fascinating to
hear all the different versions.
http://dot.kelder.net/~jones/popcorn/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
Spazzy game, Sky News & Google game
>> Spazzer game <<
"Hi, I've made a game which may make people
spack out", belms mr.BIG, "hope you enjoy it."
Not bad actually. The unique selling point
here is you have to click a moving button
whilst the screen flashes black and white.
Tricky, and not suitable for epileptics.
BTW: The story doing the rounds that schools
don't allow teachers to say "Brain Storm"
(preferring "Thought Shower") is an urban myth.
The National Society for Epilepsy found that
93% of people with the condition do not find
the word brainstorming offensive. The other 7%
are too busy dribbling.
http://www.goringjazzgig.co.uk/odyssey/media/play/...
>> Rude names on Sky News <<
Ravenblack has been amusing himself by inventing
rude names - of the Mike Hunt variety - and
sending in comments to the Sky News website for
them to print. "The editors either like a laugh or
don't notice," he giggles. We're generally amused
by the idea, the finest example being Chris
Morris's 1995 airport tannoy announcements for
"Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed"
(I hate this fucking job, and I will be fired)
and "Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet"
(Oo-ah, that feels better and now I need a shit)
Maybe you can join in the fun and think up
some more?
http://www.b3tards.com/uploads/skynews.gif
>> Google Snake Game <<
Philipp Lenssen has invented a geeky little
office time-waster. First you think of a word
such as "Monkey" and google it. Then your
friend adds a word, say, "Monkey with" and
googles that. First person to get zero results
loses the game and has to take a forfeit. (Link
goes to a longer description of the same thing)
http://blog.outer-court.com/archive/2005-10-09-n36...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
First Love
Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
and lies into one handy place on the interweb.
Last week we asked for your first loves:
http://b3ta.com/questions/firstlove/
Here are three short and sweet stories that
illustrate the gaping void between the sexes:
>> Dog shit stick <<
"Hazy memory, but I was about 5, just started
school and her name was Claire. We loved each
other, and I decided to show my love to her in
the only way I knew how - I found a twig,
dipped it in dog shit and wiped it on her
jacket. The school gave me detention for the
rest of lunchtime. Funnily enough, we are not
together any more." (4dam)
>> Pacman sex <<
"Remington Youth Club, 1995. She was called
Sarah. I thought she said I kissed like Batman.
"No, you kiss like Pacman". It was short-lived."
(scentless_apprentice)
>> Head butting a giant <<
"Not my first love, but the next girlfriend
I had (aged 10) was considerably taller than me.
After a tiring game of "kiss chase" she consented
to a quick smooch. Rather than do the sensible
thing and stand on tip toes or gently pull her
down to me, I decided to jump up and plant a
big smackeroo on her. Unfortunately I went a bit
too far and head-butted her in the nose, causing
blood to piss out all over the shop. Hope you
don't have a crooked nose now Victoria Wright -
sorry." (Bearos)
>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like know what strange things you always carry
with you, just in case. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/essentialitems/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Bad to Worse Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted to see how bad situations
could get much, much worse.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/badtoworse/
We asked b3ta boarder Curis to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Curis writes -
#1 I dropped my coffee! - Packing a surreal
and counter-intuitive climax this entry jigs
around with seamy manic glee. Well, jigs as
much as a non-animated entry can. Top notch
work. (Count Vanderhoff)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5238309
#2 Geoffery, there's a coin in my food!! -
Vaguely reminiscent of Titus Andronicus'
legendary antics. Class usage of the crash
zoom effect. (mofaha)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5249394
#3 There's nothing worse than... - as if eating
real actual fruit wasn't bad enough, this
superbly animated scenario unfolds with a
disturbing air of feasibility. (Dr.Dunno)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/5238620
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, the Challenge Dictator wants you
to get dressed like a robot, and submit the
results.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/realrobots/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* B3TA PEOPLE LOVE MOONCUPS - we had numerous
emails from lady B3ta readers saying how
much they preferred the eggcup over a jam-rag
in dealing with the blob. E.g.: "Since you asked,
yes, they are better. I no longer have to lie
awake at night fretting over whether a sad-eyed
dolphin or rare endangered turtle is tragically
choking to death on one of my used tampons,
flushed out to sea by uncaring waste-water
treatment companies." Woo.
* GINGER FUHRER LAPTOP - last week we may have
mentioned once or twice how the red-haired
umlaut had had his laptop stolen. Rach made
us a lovely little drawing of how to prevent
this in the future:
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne
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: FRIDAY GAME
Bouncy game
This game scores points for its sheer oddness.
Can you bounce the blocks to hit the heads of
the other characters on the screen? Kept us
busy for oooh 5 minutes.
http://www.rubilon.kulichki.com/games/brosocen.htm...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* "Hêÿã PèêP§!! Wé gt ߺ®éÐ ¤ñ (v)§ñ §¤ wé
ÐꩦÐëÐ (v)ªkê ª §¦té! ¦ƒ ú wûÐ Lÿk
©¤ñtª©t ù§ §ëñÐ ú§ ãñ è(v)å¦l º® ãÐÐ Øû®
(v)§ñ§..." Does this make any sense to
you? How about a game where you have to
convert l33t speak back into English
against a clock?
* LUNCHTIME BREAKOUT - some friends of ours
mentioned a game they used to play at
work. Each lunchtime they'd try
and get the furthest away from their
office via the tube, take a camera phone
photo and scoot back. Sounds fun.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Stuff sent in by Dr Mike, Austen W00T,
timpers69, Lucy Lizard, Somersetchris,
nic_in_space, kibethewalrus, allena_2002,
tumes, moogy boobles & writeto_angelfish.
Top Tippery by Fantastical monkey
Additional linkage and image challenge by
Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Proofing by the hooded b4ta rapists.
(105461 - 30402)
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TOP TIP:
To test between a boiled egg and a raw egg,
simply spin it. A raw egg will be hesitant and
spin wobbly, but a boiled egg will spin smoothly.
