NEWSLETTER: "PEPTO-BISMOL ICE CREAM - YUMMY"
* HIDDEN MESSAGES - TV ad secret Jew hate
* TATTOO - Bloke with 'stupid' on head
* ANGRY - Rolf Harris seal protest
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 238 - 21 July 2006
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue238/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: FILMFOUR IS NOW FREE
Sponsored link
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Our friends have had their say. Now it’s your
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http://snipurl.com/filmfourisnowfree
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Hangover cooking, Weebl, Tony Tiger = Jew hater
>> Pepto-bismol ice cream <<
Big food guru Fraser generally cures his daily
hangovers with a combination of ice cream and
Pepto-bismol. Realising he might be on to
something, he's sought to combine the two
products into one tasty treat. BTW: This is
directly against the advice printed on the
Pepto bottle, "Do not freeze."
http://www.blogjam.com/2006/07/20/pepto-bismol-ice...
>> Weebl is hot <<
We've been going through a heatwave in the
UK, the underground is unbearable, no one can
sleep, and all conversation has turned to dull
complaints about the weather. Jonti picks up
on a similar theme for his latest episode of
Weebl & Bob. BTW: We actually got a few
complaints about running the wanking episode
the other week. So Mr. Picking, consider
yourself told off.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/hot/
>> Hidden messages <<
There's an ad on TV at the moment that has
been driving viewers up the wall. A grinning
twit of a kid singing, "they're going to taste
great" followed by irritatingly irrelevant
rhymes. Luckily B3ta reader Butters has
reversed it and found a 'kill the Jews'
message. Can someone please complain to the
Advertising Standards Authority and get it
booted from telly? Cheers.
http://madandugly.drunkrhino.com/frosties/frosties...
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I hurt my rude bits
The best stories always involve pain,
humiliation and rude bits. Last week, we asked
how you'd managed to damage your bits:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ihurtmyrudebits/
Normally we'd list 3 or 4 stand-out stories
for you to read, but this week, they're all
too good. Here's a list of what to expect:
Men who've been
* Crushed by marbles
* Stuck in a typewriter
* Covered in melted cheese
* Stuck to frozen peas
* Burnt on a plasma screen
* Squeezed with pliers
Women who've been
* Frozen to a Solero
* Attacked by hornets. Yes, there.
People who've got themselves impaled on
* Mr T
* An HB pencil
* A BMX bike
* Nelson's Column
* A lubed-up cork. (in a vain attempt to
cure flatulence)
>> This Week's Question <<
We'd like your restaurant and bar stories.
Tell us what they really do with our food
and drinks here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/restaurantskitchensbars/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Lovely treehouses <<
Nothing much to add on this subject, other
than these are cool as fuck and an idyllic
place to sit smoking and bingeing on home-made
wine after a row with the missus.
http://www.treehouse-company.com/
>> Angry Rolf Harris <<
Surprisingly powerful stuff from wobble
board-playing national treasure, despite a
dated trance backing track. Strange for
something to be both so stupid and emotionally
moving at the same time. Just when you want to
smirk you can't.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Seal_protest
>> Bucket fanny on Wikipedia <<
The old Wikipedia may not be 100% reliable,
but it is exhaustive. They don't seem to think
they have enough info on 'bucket fanny'. You
could help Wikipedia by expanding it. (With a
big speculum covered in KY jelly.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bucket_Fanny
>> Proof that breasts are popular <<
So we put them in the headline... Look at the
picture and click on it anywhere. The next
page shows you the points where all the
previous visitors have clicked.
http://blog.outer-court.com/click/
>> 'Stupid' tattoo <<
We can't really imagine the mindset of someone
who, like this character, gets a tattoo on
their forehead that clearly reads "STUPID".
Aside, perhaps, from guessing that they don't
feature working in a bank as one of their
ambitions.
http://snipurl.com/stupidtattoo
>> Good bad ideas <<
Always nice to see the underdog win a little.
Here's a list of ten, frankly, idiotic internet
business plans. All of them have done extremely
well for the people who thought them up. We
await that magical day when B3ta makes us
multimillionaires...
http://snipurl.com/tg3w
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Sleepy serval
Servals are medium-sized African cats that
look like little leopards with tiny tiny
heads. Here's a baby one, asleep in somebody's
arms.
http://www.kostich.com/baby_serval.htm
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
VHS these and post them to your mates
>> The dangers of unwary napping <<
There's an unwritten rule that you must never
fall asleep when the majority of your mates
are awake. So it's no surprise to see this
drowsy fellow's erstwhile chums attaching
fireworks to his legs and scaring the living
crap out of him. He had it coming, you see.
http://video.google.com/videoplay
>> Musical rollerblading <<
Ad directors - rip this off now! It's kind of
like all those marbles bouncing down San
Francisco, but with a bloke on rollerblades
that ping bottles at the side of the track to
make classical music. Not something you see
every day.
http://snipurl.com/musicalrollerblading
>> YouTube first lawsuit <<
"So what is up with YouTube?" we hear you ask.
"Loads of good stuff's been removed due to
'terms of use violation'." Yep, it looks like
YouTube is now not just big enough to be good,
but big enough for the lawyers to start in.
Bah.
http://snipurl.com/yousued
>> Love song for a bot <<
This musically-talented European chap thought
it would be super-cool to make a trance record
about an excellent IRC chat-bot. Was he right
about that? Erm...
http://basshunter.m0o.eu/anna/index_en.php
>> Unpleasant crisps ad <<
Fresh from the "is it really real?" file
(don't write in, there are no prizes) comes
this short ad where UK snackmeisters Smiths
compare the smell of their products to a
lady's private bits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> WACaday racist shock <<
If you look at the very start of the intro to
this Eighties kids' TV show, the letters
appear to spell out the word 'WOG'. Ooh.
Naughties. Just as an aside, can that really
be how the Eighties looked? Surely no.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Fascinating toy collection <<
It would seem that an array of mechanical
gizmos could be a little dry, but as you go
through the video links, the Frasier
Crane-alike professor demonstrates just how
excellent each one is so you end up wanting
one yourself and revering him as a genius. We
particularly liked the Levitron.
http://www.grand-illusions.com/toycollection/
>> Upside down room <<
It's an old, old prank but still incredibly
good when people put as much work into it as
this. Chappy goes away for a few days, his
friends get busy with the galvanised screws...
When he gets back his bed is on the ceiling.
Excellent photos. Perfect.
http://www.lightsideup.com/
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Pushing thumbs in your eyeballs until they burst
>> Simple baby <<
"A campaign like this is giving babies a kick
in their self-esteem from the off" writes
Pixelmixer. It's the big gormless baby at the
top left that does it for us.
http://www.simple.co.uk/simplebaby
>> Munters <<
"Whilst waiting for my girlfriend outside the
local Woolworths a van drove past with this on
the side of it," informs purplebananaskins,
"and it made me chuckle."
http://www.munters.co.uk/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Emo Challenge
Last week we wanted you to imagine life a
world dominated by Emo, youth movement of the
terminally depressed. And so you did...
Your favourites included:
* YOUR USUAL, SIR? - Stylish yet gloomy variation
on the classic bowl cut.
(Gingey)
* BLACK LEGO - Special, somewhat melancholy
version of the evergreen children's favourite.
(mofaha)
* BEN & JERRY'S - Wallow in misery as the hippy
ice-cream magnates launch a new range of dismal,
doleful flavours.
(Darryn.R)
All these images, and the highest as
voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/emo/
>> New challenge: The Ronseal Challenge <<
Toilet Duck. Fairy Liquid. Ginger Nuts. Fishermen's
Friends. None of them do what they say on the tin...
but what if all products actually did? Show us that
world. Challenge suggested by vitty.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/ronseal/
>> Your challenge ideas <<
We want your image challenge ideas. Then we
want you to vote on the challenges suggested
by other people. It's easy.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SPIT - last week we asked how long it would
take to fill a pint glass with spit. It's odd
what strikes a chord with you lot:
# "I started collecting spit when I was about
12. I thought I'd be able to fill a
standard jam jar with spit but I couldn't,
and I soon found that it would probably take
ten years." (Impega Baton)
# "I tried this when I was teenager, I started
filling not a pint glass but a small dish in
my bedroom. Unfortunately saliva is mostly
bacteria, so after a couple of days, stale
saliva really stinks. Really, really stinks.
I had to throw it away." (Roland E O'Dorant)
# "Tried this about 10 years ago while very
ill, too poorly to spit my phlegm into the
sink/tissue so I started with an empty pint
glass. It took me about a day and a half to
fill it to the top (no frothy head) so I
reckon if your really ill you could easily
do in it in a day." (CHRISm)
* MORE SILLY EMAILS - "Got an idea to publish
a B3ta top tips likkle booklet featuring all
the top tips and more - all profits to caft
(campaign against fur trade) whaddya think?"
We started writing a sarcastic email saying,
"How about we publish a book of top tips and
all the profits go to B3ta? And we spend the
money on buying fashionable fur coats?" And
then we realised it was a bit churlish and
didn't send it.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* MUMMIFICATION - there's a new product
available from Elastoplast - spray on
plasters, how many cans would it take to
mummify a human? Or a cat?
* THROWING BATTERIES ON THE FIRE - always been
warned not to do this.
* MATCHSTICK ART - push several hundred
matches into your lawn in an interesting
pattern, maybe a swastika or a cock. Light
them and film it.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by ken, bonsai,
Jahled, zh84, Yank Meoff, necromentality,
andrew g, Better Out Than In Entertainment,
a.elizabeth.walker, Frankie Pigeon, Mister
Six. Top Tippery by TAFKAReese. Additional
linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Word (for windows)
to b4ta. (109580)
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TOP TIP:
Are your flowers getting a bit floppy? Pop some
lemonade in the vase and watch them perk up.
