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* HIDDEN MESSAGES - TV ad secret Jew hate
* TATTOO - Bloke with 'stupid' on head
* ANGRY - Rolf Harris seal protest

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___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 238 - 21 July 2006

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  Hangover cooking, Weebl, Tony Tiger = Jew hater

  >> Pepto-bismol ice cream <<
  Big food guru Fraser generally cures his daily
  hangovers with a combination of ice cream and
  Pepto-bismol. Realising he might be on to
  something, he's sought to combine the two
  products into one tasty treat. BTW: This is
  directly against the advice printed on the
  Pepto bottle, "Do not freeze." 

  >> Weebl is hot <<
  We've been going through a heatwave in the
  UK, the underground is unbearable, no one can
  sleep, and all conversation has turned to dull
  complaints about the weather. Jonti picks up
  on a similar theme for his latest episode of
  Weebl & Bob. BTW: We actually got a few
  complaints about running the wanking episode
  the other week. So Mr. Picking, consider
  yourself told off.

  >> Hidden messages <<
  There's an ad on TV at the moment that has
  been driving viewers up the wall. A grinning
  twit of a kid singing, "they're going to taste
  great" followed by irritatingly irrelevant
  rhymes. Luckily B3ta reader Butters has
  reversed it and found a 'kill the Jews'
  message. Can someone please complain to the
  Advertising Standards Authority and get it
  booted from telly? Cheers.


  I hurt my rude bits

  The best stories always involve pain,
  humiliation and rude bits. Last week, we asked
  how you'd managed to damage your bits:

  Normally we'd list 3 or 4 stand-out stories
  for you to read, but this week, they're all
  too good. Here's a list of what to expect:
  Men who've been
    * Crushed by marbles
    * Stuck in a typewriter
    * Covered in melted cheese
    * Stuck to frozen peas
    * Burnt on a plasma screen
    * Squeezed with pliers
  Women who've been
    * Frozen to a Solero
    * Attacked by hornets. Yes, there.
  People who've got themselves impaled on
    * Mr T
    * An HB pencil
    * A BMX bike
    * Nelson's Column
    * A lubed-up cork. (in a vain attempt to
      cure flatulence)

  >> This Week's Question <<

  We'd like your restaurant and bar stories.
  Tell us what they really do with our food
  and drinks here:


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Lovely treehouses <<
  Nothing much to add on this subject, other
  than these are cool as fuck and an idyllic
  place to sit smoking and bingeing on home-made
  wine after a row with the missus.

  >> Angry Rolf Harris <<
  Surprisingly powerful stuff from wobble
  board-playing national treasure, despite a
  dated trance backing track. Strange for
  something to be both so stupid and emotionally
  moving at the same time. Just when you want to
  smirk you can't.

  >> Bucket fanny on Wikipedia <<
  The old Wikipedia may not be 100% reliable,
  but it is exhaustive. They don't seem to think
  they have enough info on 'bucket fanny'. You
  could help Wikipedia by expanding it. (With a
  big speculum covered in KY jelly.)

  >> Proof that breasts are popular <<
  So we put them in the headline... Look at the
  picture and click on it anywhere. The next
  page shows you the points where all the
  previous visitors have clicked.

  >> 'Stupid' tattoo <<
  We can't really imagine the mindset of someone
  who, like this character, gets a tattoo on
  their forehead that clearly reads "STUPID".
  Aside, perhaps, from guessing that they don't
  feature working in a bank as one of their

  >> Good bad ideas <<
  Always nice to see the underdog win a little.
  Here's a list of ten, frankly, idiotic internet
  business plans. All of them have done extremely
  well for the people who thought them up. We
  await that magical day when B3ta makes us


  Sleepy serval

  Servals are medium-sized African cats that
  look like little leopards with tiny tiny
  heads. Here's a baby one, asleep in somebody's


  VHS these and post them to your mates

  >> The dangers of unwary napping <<
  There's an unwritten rule that you must never
  fall asleep when the majority of your mates
  are awake. So it's no surprise to see this
  drowsy fellow's erstwhile chums attaching
  fireworks to his legs and scaring the living
  crap out of him. He had it coming, you see.

  >> Musical rollerblading <<
  Ad directors - rip this off now! It's kind of
  like all those marbles bouncing down San
  Francisco, but with a bloke on rollerblades
  that ping bottles at the side of the track to
  make classical music. Not something you see
  every day.

  >> YouTube first lawsuit <<
  "So what is up with YouTube?" we hear you ask.
  "Loads of good stuff's been removed due to
  'terms of use violation'." Yep, it looks like
  YouTube is now not just big enough to be good,
  but big enough for the lawyers to start in.

  >> Love song for a bot <<
  This musically-talented European chap thought
  it would be super-cool to make a trance record
  about an excellent IRC chat-bot. Was he right
  about that? Erm...

  >> Unpleasant crisps ad <<
  Fresh from the "is it really real?" file
  (don't write in, there are no prizes) comes
  this short ad where UK snackmeisters Smiths
  compare the smell of their products to a
  lady's private bits. 

  >> WACaday racist shock <<
  If you look at the very start of the intro to
  this Eighties kids' TV show, the letters
  appear to spell out the word 'WOG'. Ooh.
  Naughties. Just as an aside, can that really
  be how the Eighties looked? Surely no.

  >> Fascinating toy collection <<
  It would seem that an array of mechanical
  gizmos could be a little dry, but as you go
  through the video links, the Frasier
  Crane-alike professor demonstrates just how
  excellent each one is so you end up wanting
  one yourself and revering him as a genius. We
  particularly liked the Levitron.

  >> Upside down room <<
  It's an old, old prank but still incredibly
  good when people put as much work into it as
  this. Chappy goes away for a few days, his
  friends get busy with the galvanised screws...
  When he gets back his bed is on the ceiling.
  Excellent photos. Perfect.


  Pushing thumbs in your eyeballs until they burst

  >> Simple baby <<
  "A campaign like this is giving babies a kick
  in their self-esteem from the off" writes
  Pixelmixer. It's the big gormless baby at the
  top left that does it for us.

  >> Munters <<
  "Whilst waiting for my girlfriend outside the
  local Woolworths a van drove past with this on
  the side of it," informs purplebananaskins,
  "and it made me chuckle."


  Results from the Emo Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to imagine life a
  world dominated by Emo, youth movement of the
  terminally depressed. And so you did... 

  Your favourites included:
  * YOUR USUAL, SIR? - Stylish yet gloomy variation
    on the classic bowl cut.   

  * BLACK LEGO - Special, somewhat melancholy 
    version of the evergreen children's favourite. 

  * BEN & JERRY'S - Wallow in misery as the hippy 
    ice-cream magnates launch a new range of dismal, 
    doleful flavours.   

    All these images, and the highest as
    voted by you can be found here:

  >> New challenge: The Ronseal Challenge <<
  Toilet Duck. Fairy Liquid. Ginger Nuts. Fishermen's 
  Friends. None of them do what they say on the tin... 
  but what if all products actually did? Show us that 
  world. Challenge suggested by vitty.

  >> Your challenge ideas <<
  We want your image challenge ideas. Then we 
  want you to vote on the challenges suggested
  by other people. It's easy. 


  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SPIT - last week we asked how long it would
  take to fill a pint glass with spit. It's odd
  what strikes a chord with you lot:

  # "I started collecting spit when I was about
    12. I thought I'd be able to  fill a
    standard jam jar with spit but I couldn't,
    and I soon found that it would probably take
    ten years." (Impega Baton)

  # "I tried this when I was teenager, I started
    filling not a pint glass but a small dish in
    my bedroom. Unfortunately saliva is mostly
    bacteria, so after a couple of days, stale 
    saliva really stinks. Really, really stinks.
    I had to throw it away." (Roland E O'Dorant)
  # "Tried this about 10 years ago while very
    ill, too poorly to spit my phlegm into the
    sink/tissue so I started with an empty pint
    glass. It took me about a day and a half to
    fill it to the top (no frothy head) so I
    reckon if your really ill you could easily
    do in it in a day." (CHRISm)

  * MORE SILLY EMAILS - "Got an idea to publish
  a B3ta top tips likkle booklet featuring all
  the  top tips and more - all profits to caft
  (campaign against fur trade) whaddya think?"
  We started writing a sarcastic email saying,
  "How about we publish a book of top tips and
  all the profits go to B3ta? And we spend the
  money on buying fashionable fur coats?" And
  then we realised it was a bit churlish and
  didn't send it.



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MUMMIFICATION - there's a new product
  available from Elastoplast - spray on
  plasters, how many cans would it take to
  mummify a human? Or a cat?

  warned not to do this. 

  * MATCHSTICK ART - push several hundred
  matches into your lawn in an interesting
  pattern, maybe a swastika or a cock. Light
  them and film it.

  Send contributions via the mail form.

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


  Subscribe:  [email protected]
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  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by ken, bonsai,
  Jahled, zh84, Yank Meoff, necromentality,
  andrew g, Better Out Than In Entertainment,
  a.elizabeth.walker, Frankie Pigeon, Mister
  Six. Top Tippery by TAFKAReese. Additional
  linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Word (for windows)
  to b4ta. (109580)

  Are your flowers getting a bit floppy? Pop some
  lemonade in the vase and watch them perk up.

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