NEWSLETTER: WHY NOT KILL SOMEONE WITH A TOBLERONE? THE PERFECT CRIME!
This Week:
* TERRY WOGAN - versus GODZILLA
* EUROSONG - Make your own
* ACCURATE DAILY MAIL - headlines fixed
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| together???"
B3ta email 629 - 9 May 2013
Eat this newsletter with some fava beans:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue629
Subs : [email protected]
Nubs : [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Wogan, Clarkson and urban food
>> Terry Wogan vs GODZILLA <<
"After a two year hiatus," cries Butters, and
fresh for Eurovision, "B3ta's favourite cartoon
porn superstar returns!" NSFW / Very NSFW
depending on your workplace.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Terry_Wogan_vs_GODZILLA
>> "I Hear you're a racist now Clarkson" <<
"Video I did," winks quietly proud B3tan
maiden. He's just misunderstood!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Hear_youre_a_racist_no...
>> Urban foraging food odyssey <<
"This is a deranged, unhinged rant against
budget food blogger Jack Munroe," confesses
quietly ashamed B3tan colmcq2. "She writes
about food and goes busking with billy bragg
and I'M NOT ANGRY OR JEALOUS."
http://myfoodeeblog.com/2014/05/07/cooking-with-ja...
-------------------------------------------------
: USVSTH3M
Stuff! We made it!
* Eurosong Generator! - Pick your performers,
song and costumes to create your own entry!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/eurosong/
* What Ridiculous Food Day Is Your Birthday -
Which ludicrous food represents your life?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/what-ridiculous-food-day...
* The Hobbit Sequel Name Generator - Can you do
a better job than Peter Jackson?
http://goo.gl/2nHXMK
-------------------------------------------------
: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Brits Abroad
For both sides of the 'Brits overseas' experience,
go read Wet-chinned bag shanker's tale of Cretan
love, drinking and big, stiff rocks:
http://b3ta.com/questions/britsabroad/
* PUB - "My first trip to Amsterdam. Having
procured weed, we didn't want to sit in the
silly stoners' cafe, but instead fancied a beer
in a proper pub. We found a nice little bar and
I went to get the round and ask if we could
smoke in there.
"'Depends,'" said the large barman, very cooly,
rather stern.
"'Er... hash?' I enquired.
"'Yeah yeah,' he said levelly, 'Depends - where
are you from?'
"'Er... England...?' I said, slightly confused,
'London?'
"'London!" he suddenly beamed. The tension was
completely gone, replaced instead almost by low
camp, "Of COURSE you can smoke here! You want
some munchies? I'm so sorry - I thought you
were from Liverpool!'"
(Just a vagabond)
* RAIN - "On the way back from Spain there was
a couple who had quite clearly had a massive
argument in the airport and when we were seated
on the plane they were right behind us.
"I could hear her huffing and puffing for the
short flight, but they didn't speak to each
other for almost the whole journey, until he
(trying to break the ice as we landed) said
'Oh, look, rain drops on the window, must be
raining in Bristol.'
"To which she screamed at the top of her lungs
'OH REALLY? WELL, THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT
TO ME, BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS SPERM!'"
(bomb)
* TEA - "Technically not 'abroad', technically
'the Lake District' but if you're a total rah
who thinks anything outside Zone 1 is roughing
it, you might as well be abroad. One summer
when I was a child, we went for a long weekend
in the lakes.
"We were minding our own business in a teashop
when this terribly posh woman wandered in. 'Ay
say,' she said to the girl behind the counter,
"Do you do cream teas?'
"The girl blinked a bit, 'No,' she said after
some careful thought, 'Only milk.'
"The posh woman blinked back at her. It was
hard to say which of them had puzzled the other
more. 'Righty-ho,' she said faintly, and
swished back out again."
(rachelswipe)
>> This Week - UFOs <<
Ever seen a UFO? Convinced of life on other
planets? Are you David Icke? Go into really
graphic details about anal probes here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ufos/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Accurate headlines for non-news stories <<
This is the Daily Mail rewritten to be upfront
about its celebrity news content.
https://imgur.com/a/r12nF
>> Most excellent ad on Craiglist <<
Looking for a band to play at a wedding? This
guy may be all the bassist you'll need.
http://www.tickld.com/funny/t/797695
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> CatCam shows what cats really get up to <<
Wonder what your cat does when you're not
around? All our darkest suspicions have been
confirmed.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/CaC:25
>> Hong Kong neon wonderland <<
Designers wax lyrical on the beautifully-lit
nightscape of Hong Kong.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Nice_little_video_on_neo...
>> French cat walks into door <<
Le thud!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Le_thud
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Hidden Horrors challenge
Last week we wanted you to show us the
monsters that exist all around us. Your
favourites included:
* NIGHTMAREMITE: Never smear the thick
black stuff on your toast again (ferret)
http://b3ta.com/board/11076360
* ESCARELATOR: Centipedal power harnessed
by London Underground (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/11075763
* FEARRAGE: The truth behind Clarkson
is worse than you imagined (Snappyuk)
http://b3ta.com/board/11076037
All these images, and the most horrifying as
voted by you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hiddenhorror/
>> New challenge: First versions <<
This week's image challenge is to show us
the early prototypes of everyday objects.
Scissors, toasters and rotary clothes dryers
that never made it off the drawing board.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/First-versions/
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Fork,
Jimbuktu, buffet_the_appetite_slayer,
Ghoti Fingers. Image challenge by Chris.
Alistair Coleman is QOTW bloke.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Make people think you have a limp by pretending
to have a limp.
