NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TARKA DAL AND REGULAR DAL? TARKA'S A LITTLE 'OTTER."
This Week:
* QUIZ - Old games mega-quiz
* RINGO STARR - As motivation posters, at last
* TRUMP - Even infecting us. Sorry.
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Training drones to kill
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | people who write snotty
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| replies to this email"
B3ta email 693 - 07 Sep 2018
Read this issue whilst thinking about spoons:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue693
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: RETRO QUIZ GAMES MEGA MICROQUIZ
"I made a quiz game out of lots of old quiz games"
Monkeon has cut up fifty or so 8-bit quiz games
to make a mega quiz. You remember the stuff:
Mike Read's Pop Quiz, Trivia Pursuit etc. It's
a pretty sweet nostalgia hit without having to
faff with emulators, and if you're old like us,
and the questions are pretty easy.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/retroquizquiz/
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"I've got the brains,
You've got the looks,
Let's make LOADSAMONEY"
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: DONALD TRUMP - MAH-NA-MAH-NA
A quick but amusing cut-up
So apparently the world's shittest President
can't say "anonymous" properly. Still, it's
provided opportunity for HappyToast to make a
lol.
https://b3ta.com/links/Donald_Trump_Anomanus
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What idiot called it an airline meal instead of snacks on a plane?
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: RINGO STARR MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS
Best drummer in the Beatles motivates YOU
Chris Shaw writes "I've seen a lot of
motivational posters pilfering out-of-context
John Lennon lyrics. Ringo motivational posters
are well overdue and it's time to put that
right."
https://ringomotivation.wordpress.com/
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Poor old @swearclock has been down for a week. A
tweet was reported and the account locked and we
didn't notice. Pleased to say it's back now. So
altogether... "Just Buy A Fucking Watch It's
1:30PM"
https://twitter.com/swearclock
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: HOW BANDS GOT THEIR NAMES
* 10cc - more than average amount of
ejaculation, potent as fuck.
* Linkin Park — Wanted Lincoln Park but
couldn't afford domain name
* Led Zeppelin - A worse lead balloon. Spelt
wrong to encourage correct pronunciation.
Enter a HUGE Wikipedia-hole:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_band_name_et...
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: DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
Patreon ad thingie
Ed does media relations that actually works.
Give him a bell.
https://www.ezpr.com/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Wrong plurals
We were quite pleased with the idea of 'wrong
plurals' and there's been over 100 entries. We
particularly direct you to the top entry by Rob
T Firefly for its relatable Star Trek gag.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wrongpluralfilms
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
A lie that got out of control
Oh crikey - the girl who got run over. I'd
completely forgotten this one...
My parents used to ask me every day "so how was
school today?" and obviously the fairly mundane
stories of maths, spelling, P.E. and all the
rest got a bit repetitive. During a
particularly uninteresting season when I was
about six years old, I started making things
up. Mostly small things: Christopher got into
trouble, Emma brought her pet rabbit to school,
we went on a nature walk and saw some bees,
that kind of thing.
One day I got home, my parents asked the
question and I answered "oh, a little girl got
knocked over by a car outside school and died."
This was complete fabrication but to my
six-year-old mind seemed not entirely
unfeasible. My parents, of course, were shocked
and asked for more details so naturally I
invented some: it was Robbie's mum, she was
driving too fast, it was one of the girls in
reception, she'd crossed the road without
looking, the car had run her over, some people
saw it happen and lots of children screamed,
all that sort of thing that came rapidly to my
road-safety-fed and imaginative small child's
mind.
I think it was the exertion of the hasty
invention that made me seem a bit reluctant to
talk further, so my parents stopped asking me
any more questions and I toddled off up to my
room. My parents, thinking I was in shock and
of course not doubting my account, phoned the
school - the number was engaged. So they called
other parents, asking if anyone knew anything
more about the little girl killed outside
school today. I sat in my room, happily playing
with Lego and blissfully unaware of the
dramatic Chinese whispers-like panic, gossip
and search for answers rapidly propagating
along the telephone lines of the parents of
infants in my year all now hastily calling each
other. The school telephone remained engaged.
It was only the following morning, when I'd
completely forgotten about my lie and was taken
to school by my dad as usual on his way to
work, that we saw a huge throng of parents and
journalists waiting outside the school gates,
some with bunches of flowers to place outside
the school, being confronted by a very
bewildered head teacher who was being accused
of trying to deny everything and stage some
sort of cover-up.
Fortunately, somewhere in the midst of all the
phone calls and drama the night before, the
original source of the utter lie had somehow
been forgotten - by everyone except my dad. He
said very little as he left me at the school
gates but I vividly remember the huge and
lengthy shouting-at session (of course
accompanied by having no dinner) I got from
both parents when I got home that night, on how
and why lying was bad and wrong and how if they
ever caught me lying again they would tell the
whole school where the story of the run-over
girl came from... (sanityclause)
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/pantsonfire/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* SMACK MY BITCH UP - HOW IT WERE DONE - Ya
What writes, "bit old now, but still
interesting and due another look."
http://b3ta.com/links/1498208
* INTRODUCING THE 'MISS HONEYWELL COMPUTER' -
tech bros inventing a stupid, sexist future is
nothing new.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* BABY BUNGLE SHITTING HIMSELF - a
fantastically odd clip from TV's Rainbow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* HYPNOTIC SHINING CUT-UP - as made by Pogo who
has pretty unpleasant views which just serves
to remind the world that art is channeled and
some pretty awful people have that gift. Hello
Morrissey.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/redruM
* INTRODUCING 'GAMMON MAGAZINE' - "This has
promise" informs Monkeon.
https://www.facebook.com/gammonmag/
* BEST TIMED TV LINK EVER - Extraordinary shot
where James Burke times a link to NASA rocket
launch. Cool as fuck.
https://twitter.com/r0thar/status/1036595920597655...
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: TROUSER BROWSER AROUSER
Patreon ad thingie
If you have legs please cover them up with some
trousers. NOW!
https://hebtro.co/
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Free idea for Radiohead: release your next LP as
a hex type-in. Thousands of nerds would have to
collaborate to type in 750mb of numbers just to
hear Thom York squawking like a angry owl.
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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
Sentences from the world's finest journalists
* "Angry teenager threatens to stab his dad
after being given salad for tea" (Hull Daily
Mail)
* "Man mauled by bear, bitten by rattlesnake
now attacked by shark" (Denver KUSA)
* "Row kicks off in cafe after chef's dog
steals child's brioche" (Brighton Argus)
"I'm also plugging the opening of the 2018
school uniform HOME YOU GO season", informs
Scaryduck, "local newspaper photographs of
angry parents and faintly embarrassed kids who
have been sent home on the first day for minor
school uniform infractions. The only place
these disputes can be settled is the front page
of the local press."
https://apiln.co.uk/home-you-go-the-2018-school-un...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories
* YORE COMPUTER GETS A REPLY - 28 years after
he coded it, the programmer of the C4 version
of Operation Thunderbolt finds out that he made
the cover of Zapp 64.
https://twitter.com/PaulieHughes/status/1037606842...
* BIG KNOB GAG WENT VIRAL - B3ta's own Dr Dunno
has had 5000+ retweets from a headline he wrote
about Mr Amazon having penis envy. He explains
all here:
http://christhebarker.tumblr.com/post/177831238805...
* SHARDCORE AT EMF CAMP - B3ta's own Sharcore
did a talk at the EMF Camp about Post-Truth.
Your newsletter editor has been invited for the
2020 EMFCamp which is quite alarming as 2020!
It sounds like a sci-fi date from a movie and
it's coming around SOON.
https://media.ccc.de/v/emf2018-413-the-truth-post-...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make stuff and become so famous it hurts
* CORRECTLY NAMED MAP - In this age where we
(rightly) try to respect how people want to
self-identify has anyone applied it to
countries? Seems a bit of an anomaly that we
don't call Germany Deutschland etc.
* ELON MUSK BOT - "Hey [news site], why are
you asking this? Research [person in the public
eye. e.g. Shep the dog], they're a fucking
pedo" or alternatively just keep posting the
smoking weed photo with shit nicked off
Reddit's shower thoughts "It kinda makes sense
that the target audience for fidget spinners
lost interest in them so quickly"
* IF 80s COMPUTER GAMES WERE GOOD - There's
probably worse starting points for ideas for
modern games than going back to the posters
from 80s game ads and trying to imagine if the
game lived up to the ad
Send your shite to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: THANKS
Newsletter written by Zippy from Rainbow.
Subjlol via Horace.
Site fun by Happy Toast, Monkeon, Wil & Kris.
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TOP TIP:
Lie on top of your bed for half an hour to make
it feel like you're sleeping at someone else's.
(je suis un vagabond)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
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