NEWSLETTER: "BUY THIS AUTO-DELETING NEWSLETTER FOR 50P. YEAH BANKSY, YOUR MOVE."
This Week:
* GAME - Minesweeper vs Bounder
* VIDEO - Sherlock vs Right Said Fred
* CHALLENGE - B3tans vs Sequels
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sniffing trapped
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | oxygen in supermarket
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ham packets... together"
B3ta electro-fax 697 - 6 of Winterfylleth MMXVIII
Read this issue whilst taking a shit:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue697
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: SHERLOCK MASH-UP
"Elementary my dear Fred"
Swedemason, our resident mash-up genius, has
produced this version of BBC's Sherlock doing
Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" in the hope of
making the Beeb notice and give him some work.
C'mon on Auntie - notice Swede, you can spare a
bit of licence fee money to support his shtick.
https://b3ta.com/links/Right_Said_Sherlock
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Shout "woo yay" if you'd steal a car if you could
download it.
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: MINE LEAPER
Minesweeper vs Bounder
Remember Bounder by Gremlin Graphics? You're
about 100, of course you do. Imagine that
combined with Windows Minesweeper. This gaming
mash-up brought to you by Monkeon who tells us,
"Hopefully not too wonky, but it's my first
action game since a 2004 attempt at Swingball
in Macromedia Flash."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/mineleaper/
BTW: There has to be potential in comboing up
more games: Pac Snake, Fortniteshade, Er.. Rod
Stewart's Strip Freecell.
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Does scone rhyme with gif or gif?
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: HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO PAY INVOICES
"Where's My Fucking Money You Cunts?"
835Rocks writes, "I occasionally do some work
for my brother's company and they usually pay
pretty quickly after I invoice them. Sometimes
they take longer and I give them a nudge with a
song. This one is called 'Where's My Fucking
Money You Cunts? Number 3' As you'll have
guessed this is the third such nudge song."
This is like when Rihanna did "Bitch Better
Have My Money" but better.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Overdue_invoice
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That the Wikipedia entry for sofa redirects to
"couch" is a salutary reminder that the Internet
is written in American and we British fool
ourselves that this is English.
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: BLADERUNNER - IS THAT OWL REAL?
Hooty hoot hoot hoot
The Twisted Omentum has finally answered the
question that's been bugging sci-fi fans since
1982.
https://youtu.be/DKopuCLYKK4
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In Orwell's Newspeak he attempted to remove
unnecessary words by using modifiers.
In this spirit surely having four seasons is
greedy when we could have Prewinter, Winter,
Postwinter and Unwinter.
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Film sequels
Back in the early days of this newsletter we
wrote a joke about how an ideal sequel to Twins
would be called Triplets and star Danny Devito,
Arnold Schwarzenegger. A few years later pretty
much this idea went into production (and
development hell) and we've always wondered if
it was our fault.
Anyway, here's the same idea as an image
challenge, and a quite good one actually. The
first page solid gags all the way down.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/filmsequels/popular...
This week's new challenge is about merging
bands: Aretha Franksinatra, Chemical Bros, Echo
and the Jive Bunnymen. You can do it:
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mergemusic/popular/
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: DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
Patreon ad thingie
Do you want some PR? Maybe you want relations
with the public? Then there's one man you
should call and his name is ED.
https://www.ezpr.com/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that was made by our enemies
* MORRISSEY BOT SONG - generated by running
Mozza lyrics and Amazon reviews through some
predictive writing software. (Are all his
recent interviews this bot mashing up his old
interviews and Enoch Powell speeches?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* AUDIO TAPE SORCERY - who knew that you could
disable the erase head on old tape recorders by
simply covering them in tinfoil and overdub
sound like a DIY multitrack? Really, we're so
pissed off that we didn't know this simple hack
as a teenager as it would have revolutionised
our shit music experiments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* INTERNET ARCHIVE NOW EMULATING THE C64 -
10,000+ Commodore 64 games now working in your
browser, assuming your computer is fast enough.
https://archive.org/details/softwarelibrary_c64
* STEVE REICH, 82 YEARS YOUNG THIS WEEK -
celebrate by downloading an app to your phone
where you have to clap along with his clapping
music. We're just glad that it exists but don't
want to learn quite how bad our rhythm skills
are.
http://clappingmusicapp.com/
* MAD DRUMMER MASCOT - what a mixed blessing
having Keith Moon in your band would be.
https://twitter.com/ThatEricAlper/status/104728680...
* YOUNG TORY OF THE YEAR - Fry and Laurie's 20+
year old sketch is still horribly relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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The other great Boris bus lie is that it was a
bus. It's a coach we tell you. A COACH.
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: A B3TAN RECOMMENDS
An occasional feature where a reader recommends
Matt Muir writes, "Bad Books For Bad People:
This is so, so up my street - a podcast which,
each episode, takes a ‘bad’ book and
deconstructs it to within an inch of its life.
What sort of books do they do? Cult, pulp, alt
and outsider, in the main - basically this
gives you an excellent way of learning about
the sort of novels that would get you some
perturbed looks were you to try and read them
on the tube. You may scoff - you may think
Londoners are a cosmopolitan bunch and wouldn’t
bat an eyelid, and based on the number of
people I’ve seen quite openly watching porn of
a morning, you may be right - but I challenge
any of you to read a paperback copy of “Ass
Goblins of Auschwitz” on the District Line and
not get a few raised eyebrows."
http://badbooksbadpeople.com/
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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
Sentences from the world's finest journalists
* "Worst maid ever drank my booze, trashed my
flat and passed out on the floor" (New York
Post)
* "Serial killer Rose West wins prison bake off
with victoria sponge" (Glos Live)
* "Popular American diner to be knocked down
and turned into a cesspit" (Wales Online)
* "Cabbage thrown at Aston Villa boss Steve
Bruce by angry fan" (Birmingham Mail)
Compiled by Scaryduck - buy his fucking book ok?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
By making stuff!
* AN 0898 NUMBER FOR SWEARCLOCK - a premium
rate number for people to phone the "swearing
clock" for drunk people to call it for a laugh
and B3ta would get paid every time.
* MORE BEATLES PODCASTS - We'd definitely
listen to a "Tune In by Mark Lewisohn Reading
Club" podcast where 3 or 4 fans did do a
chapter a week of his book. 1000 pages. Sheesh.
It's been on our shelves for 5 years now.
* STUDENT WALL SURVEY - we have no idea what's
on a student's bedroom wall these days -
presumably not still Betty Blue posters like
it's the late 80s.
Send your eggy-whiffs to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
You lovely people
*STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS
BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
*KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK
ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH,
CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO
APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG
MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7
DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT,
TOM DOLAN.
lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe
Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca
McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies,
George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton,
Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad
Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo),
Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman,
Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner,
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Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel
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Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi,
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Bounds, Stéphane.
Bung us some money. Thank you.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
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: CREDITS
Newsletter written by Rob Manuel. With help
from Happy Toast, Monkeon, Matt Round, David
Stevenson, Wil, Karl and Gary Hitler.
-------------------------------------------------
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