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This Week:
* GAME - Minesweeper vs Bounder
* VIDEO - Sherlock vs Right Said Fred
* CHALLENGE - B3tans vs Sequels

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're sniffing trapped
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  oxygen in supermarket
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  ham packets... together"

B3ta electro-fax 697 - 6 of Winterfylleth MMXVIII

Read this issue whilst taking a shit:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue697

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: SHERLOCK MASH-UP
  "Elementary my dear Fred"

  Swedemason, our resident mash-up genius, has
  produced this version of BBC's Sherlock doing
  Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" in the hope of
  making the Beeb notice and give him some work.
  C'mon on Auntie - notice Swede, you can spare a
  bit of licence fee money to support his shtick. 
https://b3ta.com/links/Right_Said_Sherlock

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Shout "woo yay" if you'd steal a car if you could
download it.

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: MINE LEAPER
  Minesweeper vs Bounder

  Remember Bounder by Gremlin Graphics? You're
  about 100, of course you do. Imagine that
  combined with Windows Minesweeper. This gaming
  mash-up brought to you by Monkeon who tells us,
  "Hopefully not too wonky, but it's my first
  action game since a 2004 attempt at Swingball
  in Macromedia Flash."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/mineleaper/ 

BTW: There has to be potential in comboing up
more games: Pac Snake, Fortniteshade, Er.. Rod
Stewart's Strip Freecell.

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Does scone rhyme with gif or gif?

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: HOW TO GET PEOPLE TO PAY INVOICES
  "Where's My Fucking Money You Cunts?"

  835Rocks writes, "I occasionally do some work
  for my brother's company and they usually pay
  pretty quickly after I invoice them. Sometimes
  they take longer and I give them a nudge with a
  song. This one is called 'Where's My Fucking
  Money You Cunts? Number 3' As you'll have
  guessed this is the third such nudge song."

  This is like when Rihanna did "Bitch Better
  Have My Money" but better.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Overdue_invoice

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That the Wikipedia entry for sofa redirects to
"couch" is a salutary reminder that the Internet
is written in American and we British fool
ourselves that this is English. 

-------------------------------------------------

: BLADERUNNER - IS THAT OWL REAL?
  Hooty hoot hoot hoot

  The Twisted Omentum has finally answered the
  question that's been bugging sci-fi fans since
  1982.
https://youtu.be/DKopuCLYKK4

-------------------------------------------------

In Orwell's Newspeak he attempted to remove
unnecessary words by using modifiers.

In this spirit surely having four seasons is
greedy when we could have Prewinter, Winter,
Postwinter and Unwinter.

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Film sequels

  Back in the early days of this newsletter we
  wrote a joke about how an ideal sequel to Twins
  would be called Triplets and star Danny Devito,
  Arnold Schwarzenegger. A few years later pretty
  much this idea went into production (and
  development hell) and we've always  wondered if
  it was our fault.

  Anyway, here's the same idea as an image
  challenge, and a quite good one actually. The
  first page solid gags all the way down.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/filmsequels/popular/

  This week's new challenge is about merging
  bands: Aretha Franksinatra, Chemical Bros, Echo
  and the Jive Bunnymen. You can do it:
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/mergemusic/popular/

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: DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
  Patreon ad thingie

  Do you want some PR? Maybe you want relations
  with the public? Then there's one man you
  should call and his name is ED. 
https://www.ezpr.com/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that was made by our enemies

  * MORRISSEY BOT SONG -  generated by running
  Mozza lyrics and Amazon reviews through some
  predictive writing software. (Are all his
  recent interviews this bot mashing up his old
  interviews and Enoch Powell speeches?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtybvwLJC30 

  * AUDIO TAPE SORCERY - who knew that you could
  disable the erase head on old tape recorders by
  simply covering them in tinfoil and overdub
  sound like a DIY multitrack? Really, we're so
  pissed off that we didn't know this simple hack
  as a teenager as it would have revolutionised
  our shit music experiments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKdFXNYdXrs

  * INTERNET ARCHIVE NOW EMULATING THE C64 -
  10,000+ Commodore 64 games now working in your
  browser, assuming your computer is fast enough.
https://archive.org/details/softwarelibrary_c64?and%5B%5D=emulator%3Avice-resid&sin=&sort=-downloads

  * STEVE REICH, 82 YEARS YOUNG THIS WEEK -
  celebrate by downloading an app to your phone
  where you have to clap along with his clapping
  music. We're just glad that it exists but don't
  want to learn quite how bad our rhythm skills
  are.
http://clappingmusicapp.com/ 

  * MAD DRUMMER MASCOT - what a mixed blessing
  having Keith Moon in your band would be.
https://twitter.com/ThatEricAlper/status/1047286804645199872

  * YOUNG TORY OF THE YEAR - Fry and Laurie's 20+
  year old sketch is still horribly relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=9&v=ttjOqTW-8CA

-------------------------------------------------

The other great Boris bus lie is that it was a
bus. It's a coach we tell you. A COACH.

-------------------------------------------------

: A B3TAN RECOMMENDS
  An occasional feature where a reader recommends

  Matt Muir writes, "Bad Books For Bad People:
  This is so, so up my street - a podcast which,
  each episode, takes a ‘bad’ book and
  deconstructs it to within an inch of its life.
  What sort of books do they do? Cult, pulp, alt
  and outsider, in the main - basically this
  gives you an excellent way of learning about
  the sort of novels that would get you some
  perturbed looks were you to try and read them
  on the tube. You may scoff - you may think
  Londoners are a cosmopolitan bunch and wouldn’t
  bat an eyelid, and based on the number of
  people I’ve seen quite openly watching porn of
  a morning, you may be right - but I challenge
  any of you to read a paperback copy of “Ass
  Goblins of Auschwitz” on the District Line and
  not get a few raised eyebrows."
http://badbooksbadpeople.com/

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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
  Sentences from the world's finest journalists
  
  * "Worst maid ever drank my booze, trashed my
  flat and passed out on the floor" (New York
  Post)

  * "Serial killer Rose West wins prison bake off
  with victoria sponge" (Glos Live)

  * "Popular American diner to be knocked down
  and turned into a cesspit" (Wales Online)

  * "Cabbage thrown at Aston Villa boss Steve
  Bruce by angry fan" (Birmingham Mail)

  Compiled by Scaryduck - buy his fucking book ok?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDLK/b3ta-21


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  By making stuff!

  * AN 0898 NUMBER FOR SWEARCLOCK - a premium
  rate number for people to phone the "swearing
  clock" for drunk people to call it for a laugh
  and B3ta would get paid every time.

  * MORE BEATLES PODCASTS - We'd definitely
  listen to a "Tune In by Mark Lewisohn Reading
  Club" podcast where 3 or 4 fans did do a
  chapter a week of his book. 1000 pages. Sheesh.
  It's been on our shelves for 5 years now.

  * STUDENT WALL SURVEY - we have no idea what's
  on a student's bedroom wall these days -
  presumably not still Betty Blue posters like
  it's the late 80s.

  Send your eggy-whiffs to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: PATREON THANKS
  You lovely people 

  *STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS
  BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
  *KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
  MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*

  GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
  WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK
  ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH,
  CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO
  APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG
  MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7
  DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
  NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
  TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT,
  TOM DOLAN.

  lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe
  Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca
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  Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling, Jason
  Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington, Ian
  Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek ROBERTS, Robbie
  Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James
  Clayton, Jim Frayling,  Mike Middleton, Scott
  S. Kramer, Joe Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob
  Mahon, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m McN&#464;ven,
  Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom Rees-Williams,
  David Mills, Martin Beer, midnightrambler ,
  matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny, Dave Tickle, Matthew
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  Woods, pookong , oliver bewes, Iain , Adam
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  Simon waterfall, Paul Westerman, Courtenay
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  Mark Hibbett, Daniel Brown, Rich Pope, John
  Matthews, JOHNNY WATTERS, Jamie Taylor, Adrian
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  Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris
  Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi,
  Dominic Haigh, TownsendsPublisher , Steve
  Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross
  Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
  Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
  Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, James
  Shakespeare, Tim Weaver, Lisa Westhaven, James
  O'Malley, Emma Lay, RossOverThere , Tim Jokl,
  Catherine McAllister, Steve Laker, Damien
  Smith, Jim Dabell, John Faragher, Eric von
  Borstel, Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, ,
  William Garratt, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, Iain
  Moffatt, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, David
  Green, Riven A Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian
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  Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike
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  peter royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan STrickland,
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  Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting,
  BSG , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner,
  Peter , Emily Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer,
  Matt Carr, Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard
  Midwinter, Neil Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman,
  David Bond, Ben , Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp,
  Andy Shirling, Fenris Games, James , Jim
  Lucking, mark madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell
  Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail,
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  of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
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  Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M, P
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  Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
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  Emma Nicol, Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon
  Bounds, Stéphane.

  Bung us some money. Thank you.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
  Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
  Who gives a fuck if you follow us on social or
  not. But the option is there.
https://mastodon.social/@b3ta
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta

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: CREDITS
  Newsletter written by Rob Manuel. With help
  from Happy Toast, Monkeon, Matt Round, David
  Stevenson, Wil, Karl and Gary Hitler.

-------------------------------------------------

: ANY OTHER BUSINESS?

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