NEWSLETTER: "A REFERENDUM IS WHEN A COUNTRY HATES ITSELF VERY MUCH AND DECIDES TO HAVE A PROXY WAR INSTEAD OF GETTING A PUPPY"
"A referendum is when a country hates itself very
much and decides to have a proxy war instead of
getting a puppy"
This Week:
* PROJECTS - lots and lots of B3ta people projects
* DOGS - took us 18 years but finally a challenge
* FREE IDEAS - for new projects for YOU!
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web to boil the bones
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| and make internet soup"
B3ta email 711 - 17th Mar 2019
Read this issue wishing it was all over:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue711
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Your "member of Duran Duran name" is your own
first name and Taylor. Works 3/5th of the time
anyway.
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Updates from the B3ta old folks' home
* BOT OF THE POPS - your editor Rob Manuel is
soft-launching 'Bot Of The Pops', a realtime
bot running through the UK music charts of the
1980s complete with embedded Youtube videos,
singles artwork and Wikipedia links. This
project will take 10 years to run and will
witnesses the rise and fall of Duran Duran and
The Cure week by week. You weren't busy were
you? Follow and Rob will approve you under the
padlock. Sounds sexy.
https://twitter.com/botofthepops
* MOVING POSTCARDS - Drivelsieve has been
making postcards move, and then, apparently he
had a bath. Nice.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_postcards_...
* BREXIT BOOK - HappyToast has been making a
book about Brexit that you can actually buy
with cash-money on Amazon. We've bought it and
it's fab. He writes, "There's three weeks to go
and government hasn't bothered making one, so I
have. Available on Kindle or actual book
featuring 49 pages you can use when loo roll
runs out"
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/17989002...
* THERESA MAY (SORRY, NO ESCAPE) - SwedeMason
has been doing more stuff for the website JOE.
This one features the beleaguered British PM
probably rapping or something. Actually, excuse
that note of weariness, it's very good and
Swede's gift is his attention to rythm.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Still_May
* CAN YOU SPOT THE NUTS? Wildyles has written a
quiz where he asks you to find the nut - harder
than it sounds because loads of things called
nuts are not actually nuts. For example, our
testicles.
https://wildishandco.co.uk/projects/nuts/
* SUNSET TIME - Chipping Sodbury has been
animating sunsets. It's a nice format, lots of
different punchlines so that it doesn't have to
all rest on one gag.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Seven_sunsets
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Foods that could be American TV news
correspondents if you delivered their name with
enough conviction:
Basil Pesto
Rosemary Mash
Peach Cobbler
Olive Chutney
Saffron Rice
Ginger Flapjacks
Kale Tabbouleh
Kobe Beef
Honey Parsnips
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Made by enemies, we hate these talented people
* HEADLINE OF THE YEAR - "Hipster Whines at
Tech Mag for Using His Pic to Imply Hipsters
Look the Same, Discovers Pic Was of an Entirely
Different Hipster"
https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/03/06/hipsters_...
* CAN YOU PET THE DOG - a list of computer
games where you can or saldy cannot pet the
dog. Computer games of the future will simply
be virtual places where you can hang out with
your friends and pet dogs. Mark our words.
https://twitter.com/CanYouPetTheDog
* A NOKIA 3310 GAMES COMPETITION. We like the
limitations on design that idea creates. Feels
like "Crap Spectrum Games" but for millennials.
https://itch.io/jam/3310jam/feed
* PULLING THE PLUG ON MANCHESTER - enjoyable
video where bloke from Manchester gets very
excited about a plug in the local canal.
Deserves the 2 million views it's got from
being a breakout hit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* LONDON BUS ROUTE DOC - lovely London doc on
iPlayer at the moment. From 1985 and takes a
bus route from Camden to West London and meets
various people on the way. Clearly made by
someone making a positive point about
multiculturalism in a show-don't-tell kind of
way. A+.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0074ry7/to-...
* CUNT SONG - Haven't seen this before. Steve
Coogan singing a song called "Everybody's a bit
of a cunt sometimes". Very Eric Idle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Letter change Landmarks
Here's the best images from last week:
* FASTER ISLAND - Lovely entry from LS18
http://b3ta.com/board/11280290
* THE LONDON EWE - from Penultimate Straw.
http://b3ta.com/board/11280668
* THE INFAMOUS HEART OF LONDON'S DUCKLANDS -
from Twisted Omentum.
http://b3ta.com/board/11280335
* See all the other images from the 'Letter
change Landmarks' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/letterchangelandmarks
>> This week: Dogs <<
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?! Yes you
are. It's (wo)man's best friend this week.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dogs
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Class isn't a complicated really. It's do you
shop in Waitrose or does your butler do it for
you?
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas to get you started:
* RELEASE AN ALBUM CALLED "A BEE ROAD BY THE
BEE TELLS" - so you get lots of sweet sweet
plays on Alexa from people who now mysteriously
hate you.
* LORD OF THE FLIES WITH DOGS - get a closed
off forest and fill it with dogs and cameras
and see how the dog civilisation pans out.
* ODDLY FUNNY AMAZON REVIEWS - Found ourselves
reading Colman's Mustard reviews on Amazon.
"Perfect for what we wanted." That sentence
made us collapse.
* BOOK BOT - A bot that says it's tweeting Ayn
Rand's The Figurehead line-by-line but actually
tweets Five Go to Smuggler's Top by Enid Blyton
* INSULT EVERYONE BOT - In Hitchhiker's,
Bowerick Wowbagger attempted to insult everyone
in the universe in alphabetical order. Would be
entirely possible to build a bot that attempted
to do this on Twitter but would break at least
two of their API rules.
Send your shite, as usual to
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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The main problem of time travel is that the Earth
isn't in a fixed spot and everyone who's tried it
has asphyxiated in space, billions of miles from
where they wanted to be.
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love you
* BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
*MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
* BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
* BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
Philadelphia.
Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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Fuck alt right. Fuck alt left too. We've got mice
and don't need keyboard shortcuts.
-------------------------------------------------
: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our biggest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: TOP TIP
Fool old people into thinking you are a drug
addict thief - buy getting a job at the water
board and calling round to read their meter.
(robneymcplum)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
