NEWSLETTER: "ALEXA, PLEASE MAKE EVERYTHING BAD STOP AND JUST PLAY ME POP MUSIC I LIKED WHEN I WAS 14"
This Week:
* QUIZ - Spot the art from the comment
* CONFESS - Tell us your terrible sins
* JEREMY *UNT - What's his name again?
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 720 - 12th Jul 2019
Read this issue whilst shouting "WANK!":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue720
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Driving all night is all very well Cyndi Lauper,
but remember to get adequate rest stops and that
driving tired is as dangerous as driving drunk.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister marmalade
* TAKE YOUR ART A-LEVEL - Monkeon has made a
quiz that gives you internet comments made in
reply to a bit of art and you have to guess the
bit of art. It's not hard but it is
entertaining, as the vicar said to the actress
etc.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/arttwitulate/
* MR TRUMP AT THE PARADE - S4rk has done a
lovely Mr Man parody featuring everyone's
favourite waste of orange, Donald Trrrrrump.
https://b3ta.com/board/11290090
* CONFESS YOUR SINS - your editor Rob Manuel is
launching a confession bot, you can follow now
before it's launched or you can pre-read the
confessions (link in profile.)
https://twitter.com/fesshole
* JEREMY *UNT - Swedemason has done of his
"things" for JOE.co.uk - this one featuring a
idea we've been saying should happen for years,
a song based around the Jeremy Cunt / Hunt
thing.
https://b3ta.com/links/My_name_is:5
* TRUMP TANK GAME - oh god, too much Donald
this week but Pizopop has made a game.
https://pizopop.itch.io/tanks-for-the-parade
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Don't call him Cliff Richard. His name is Harry
Webb. Don't play his game. Make sure people
really know who he is.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
More content for your content maw
* FLAPPY BIRD ROYALE - Now that the Mario
Royale game is dead (thanks Nintendo), there's
also a Flappy Bird Royale. Flappy Bird lends
itself well to the format as you get a good
fall-away every pipe.
https://flappyroyale.io/demo/
* DEATH RUNS - A less-impressive, but more
achievable, variant on speed running - die as
fast as you can.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist
* SANTANA'S SMOOTH - AN ORAL HISTORY - You
didn't think you wanted to read 7,000 words on
how Smooth by Santana was created but it's a
fascinating account of the effort put in to
making a hit song from people who were very
much TRYING to make a hit song.
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/...
* BAD USER INTERFACE GAME - fun, frustrating
game where a smart designer has purposely
designed the most rotten interface ever.
https://userinyerface.com/
* TURTLE BOT - Random Wikipedia article names
that bit the rhythm of Teenage Mutant Hero
Turtles. Geniarse.
https://twitter.com/wiki_tmnt
* COLOURISE OLD PHOTOS - This is a handy site
that automatically colourises black & white
photos. It's a bit hit-or-miss, but it's dandy
when it works. These are some random snaps from
the 1900s.
https://colourise.sg/#colorize
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Would middle-aged men ever see their friends if
they didn't agree to appear on each other's
podcasts?
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
The journalist on this article has a great name
Laughing at people's names isn't very woke in
2019 and we've vowed to stop doing it, so we're
definitely not laughing at the kids called
Tiamarie and Jackdaniel that were all over the
press this week, and we're certainly not
laughing at this dude with the surname
Anusonpornperm.
https://gigazine.net/gsc_news/en/20190531-rat-lung...
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Grim Reaper should get with the times and be a Grim Combine Harvester Driver
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Art Mashup
Here's the best images from last week:
* PAINTHAWKS - from Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289802
* GNASHUP - from mofaha.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289813
* AND THIS - from Pizopop.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289942
* See all the other images from the 'Art Mashup' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/artmashup/popular/
>> This week: Modernise TV shows <<
We're updating TV shows this week, reboot them
with more culturally relevant themes. Modernise
TV!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisetv
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If you want a vision of the future, imagine a
boot stamping on a human face going viral every
day, and some people saying it's bad and others
saying "no, this is good"
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: PATREON THANKS
* BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
*MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
* BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
* BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
Philadelphia.
Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
Also thanks to Cactus 1, Monkeon, HappyToast,
Sn0tters & Matt Round.
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Why did the topical joke cross the road?
BREXIT.
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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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If life gives you bananas, make bananalade (yes,
this is a real thing, google it doubters)
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some "stuff", become newsletter "famous"
* DUMP-HIM-BOT - a bot that replies to anyone
talking about relationships - "Just leave!",
"Dump him!" and "Sometimes you've just got to
throw the whole man away!"
* SLAPHEAD-BOT - a bot that looks for people
with large foreheads and then shouts
"SLAPHEAD!" at them. This was popular at school
when we were about 13. Maybe it could be
popular again.
* THE DAWKINS AWARD - a year award for whoever
has shitted up their public image the most with
their tweeting. *cough* Gl***** *cough*
Send photos of your digital balls to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
