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NEWSLETTER: "ALEXA, PLEASE MAKE EVERYTHING BAD STOP AND JUST PLAY ME POP MUSIC I LIKED WHEN I WAS 14"

 
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This Week:
* QUIZ - Spot the art from the comment
* CONFESS - Tell us your terrible sins
* JEREMY *UNT - What's his name again?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 720 - 12th Jul 2019

Read this issue whilst shouting "WANK!":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue720

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Driving all night is all very well Cyndi Lauper,
but remember to get adequate rest stops and that
driving tired is as dangerous as driving drunk.

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making sinister marmalade

  * TAKE YOUR ART A-LEVEL - Monkeon has made a
  quiz that gives you internet comments made in
  reply to a bit of art and you have to guess the
  bit of art. It's not hard but it is
  entertaining, as the vicar said to the actress
  etc.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/arttwitulate/ 

  * MR TRUMP AT THE PARADE - S4rk has done a
  lovely Mr Man parody featuring everyone's
  favourite waste of orange, Donald Trrrrrump.
https://b3ta.com/board/11290090

  * CONFESS YOUR SINS - your editor Rob Manuel is
  launching a confession bot, you can follow now
  before it's launched or you can pre-read the
  confessions (link in profile.)
https://twitter.com/fesshole

  * JEREMY *UNT - Swedemason has done of his
  "things" for JOE.co.uk - this one featuring a
  idea we've been saying should happen for years,
  a song based around the Jeremy Cunt / Hunt
  thing.
https://b3ta.com/links/My_name_is:5

  * TRUMP TANK GAME - oh god, too much Donald
  this week but Pizopop has made a game.
https://pizopop.itch.io/tanks-for-the-parade

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Don't call him Cliff Richard. His name is Harry
Webb. Don't play his game. Make sure people
really know who he is.

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  More content for your content maw

  * FLAPPY BIRD ROYALE - Now that the Mario
  Royale game is dead (thanks Nintendo), there's
  also a Flappy Bird Royale. Flappy Bird lends
  itself well to the format as you get a good
  fall-away every pipe.
https://flappyroyale.io/demo/ 

  * DEATH RUNS - A less-impressive, but more
  achievable, variant on speed running - die as
  fast as you can. 
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzZ_GTxeCfP6rbBbygURMqGMmdMOMTjGG

  * SANTANA'S SMOOTH - AN ORAL HISTORY - You
  didn't think you wanted to read 7,000 words on
  how Smooth by Santana was created but it's a
  fascinating account of the effort put in to
  making a hit song from people who were very
  much TRYING to make a hit song.
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/santana-rob-thomas-smooth-oral-history-841189/

  * BAD USER INTERFACE GAME - fun, frustrating
  game where a smart designer has purposely
  designed the most rotten interface ever.
https://userinyerface.com/ 

  * TURTLE BOT - Random Wikipedia article names
  that bit the rhythm of Teenage Mutant Hero
  Turtles. Geniarse.
https://twitter.com/wiki_tmnt

  * COLOURISE OLD PHOTOS - This is a handy site
  that automatically colourises black & white
  photos. It's a bit hit-or-miss, but it's dandy
  when it works. These are some random snaps from
  the 1900s.
https://colourise.sg/#colorize

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Would middle-aged men ever see their friends if
they didn't agree to appear on each other's
podcasts?

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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
  The journalist on this article has a great name

  Laughing at people's names isn't very woke in
  2019 and we've vowed to stop doing it, so we're
  definitely not laughing at the kids called
  Tiamarie and Jackdaniel that were all over the
  press this week, and we're certainly not
  laughing at this dude with the surname
  Anusonpornperm.
https://gigazine.net/gsc_news/en/20190531-rat-lungworm-disease-hawaii

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Grim Reaper should get with the times and be a Grim Combine Harvester Driver

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Art Mashup

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * PAINTHAWKS - from Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289802

  * GNASHUP - from mofaha.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289813

  * AND THIS - from Pizopop.
http://b3ta.com/board/11289942

  * See all the other images from the 'Art Mashup' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/artmashup/popular/


  >> This week: Modernise TV shows <<
  We're updating TV shows this week, reboot them
  with more culturally relevant themes. Modernise
  TV!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisetv

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If you want a vision of the future, imagine a
boot stamping on a human face going viral every
day, and some people saying it's bad and others
saying "no, this is good"

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

  * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
  MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
  PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
  *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
  Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
  Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
  Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
  Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
  Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
  Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
  Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
  Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
  John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
  Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
  Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
  Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
  Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
  Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
  Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
  Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
  Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

  Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

  Also thanks to Cactus 1, Monkeon, HappyToast,
  Sn0tters & Matt Round.

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Why did the topical joke cross the road?
BREXIT.

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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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If life gives you bananas, make bananalade (yes,
this is a real thing, google it doubters)

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some "stuff", become newsletter "famous"
  
  * DUMP-HIM-BOT - a bot that replies to anyone
  talking about relationships - "Just leave!",
  "Dump him!" and "Sometimes you've just got to
  throw the whole man away!"

  * SLAPHEAD-BOT - a bot that looks for people
  with large foreheads and then shouts
  "SLAPHEAD!" at them. This was popular at school
  when we were about 13. Maybe it could be
  popular again.

  * THE DAWKINS AWARD - a year award for whoever
  has shitted up their public image the most with
  their tweeting. *cough* Gl***** *cough*

  Send photos of your digital balls to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

 
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