NEWSLETTER: "BREAKING: THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY"
This Week:
* QUIZ - Goth or Moth?
* CONFESSIONS - "I ate my son's Easter egg"
* BOT - Everything Is Cancelled - including YOU
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the yak's tits
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta electro-e-mail 727 - 15 Sep 2019
Read this issue wishing you were Marti Pellow:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue727
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making excuses about late work
>> Goth or Moth? Quiz <<
Matt Round writes, "Is it the name of a gloomy
post-punk band or nocturnal flappy insect? YOU
MUST DECIDE (inspired by discovering that lots
of British moths have wonderfully strange
names)."
https://vole.wtf/goth-or-moth/
>> Everything Is Cancelled <<
Your editor wrote a quick bot to cancel
EVERYONE. It works by looking up who's trending
on Twitter and then announcing they're
cancelled. It's had a good first day -
cancelling the great and the good including the
Incredible Hulk and Priti Patel. If you'd enjoy
the sweet relief of being cancelled - follow it
and reply and it'll cancel you too.
https://twitter.com/cancelledbot
>> Jeff Minter Film Kickstarter <<
Dokk writes, "Remember that teaser video for a
Jeff Minter film that I uploaded here earlier
this year? No? Well forget that anyway - this
is the full trailer for the documentary film
called HEART OF NEON that's promoting the
crowdfunding campaign to the funds necessary to
get this project to the finish line."
https://youtu.be/GgUAd4Ydlyg
And the crowdfunder is here. Hope this works,
Jeff Minter is a gaming LEGEND.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dokk/heart-of...
>> Jacob Rees-Mogg book <<
P.garbacz writes, "Hi B3ta, Long time lurker,
first time emailer. Inspired by all the Jacob
Rhys Mogg laying down memes, I've created a
silly mock children's book called wake up
jacob. This is my first ever book and I hope
people laugh as much reading it as I did making
it. All the profits are going to charity, and
at the time of writing I've yet to decide - but
probably my local food bank! The print book is
still pending, but the Kindle version is here."
Let's hope this sells more than the haunted
pipe cleaner's one.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07X8YY5...
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Give man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Give fish a man and he'll ask him to crowdfund
his new solo LP.
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: FESSHOLE
Project for anonymous confessions, launched
Fesshole is open and ready for your
confessions, which it'll then tweet out for
everyone to judge. Recent nuggets include:
* "Quite often I piss in the bathroom sink at
home even though the toilet is right there. I
have no idea why. I also piss in the kitchen
sink when I can't be arsed to go upstairs but
everyone does that."
* "I ate my son's easter egg. I am a fat
wanker."
* "I'm not gay but wanking to a bit of gay porn
keeps things interesting."
Follow FessHole NOW!
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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Whatever you think of Bercow, if you haven't at
least once attempted an "ORRRR-DUUUUHHHHH!"
impression then you are dead inside.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by our conceptual enemies
>> The Egg - A Short Story <<
Artifus writes, "Story by Andy Weir animated by
Kurzgesagt" This is probably the most profound
short story you'll ever experience short of
taking mushrooms. It stuck with us for years,
and now it's an animation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Lol at old footballers <<
Didn't soccer stars look ancient in the 1980s?
All that running around was clearly bad for
them and they should have stayed in the pub and
smoked cigs.
https://twitter.com/80sAging
>> Fifty-three note music <<
There's only 12 notes, but what if there was
53? Listen to this really enjoyable tune with
lots of little bits to make your ears go "How
are we here? But here is GOOD!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch
>> BBC Archive : Gaming <<
Monkeon writes, "The BBC have just launched a
new archive site, and I'm enjoying the games
section. Just watched Paul Daniels talk about
buying an Atari 800 for a grand." Not a lot...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/gaming/znqy6v4
>> Bowie CD-Rom <<
Enjoy some 90s nostalgia with David Bowie's
CD-Rom. Clearly made with Macromedia Director
by some absolute chancers.
https://youtube.com/watch
>> Japanese seance conjures Margeret Thatcher <<
Extraordinary video of a member of a right-wing
Japanese cult holding a seance to talk to the
thankfully dead British Prime Minister. It's
sparked a bit of a catchphrase round here with
everyone we know shouting "Dennis!" like
Cartman doing Kim Jong-il.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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If Boris ever manages to build a bridge, B3ta
staff will eat that bridge live on CeeFax.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some stuff and win a muff
* TEA-BAGGING REMINDER SERVICE - location based
app that clocks if you're in Tesco and says
"Don't forget the teabags, you fucking twat."
* MAILTO FIXER - You know what browsers need? A
pop-up going "You clicked a mailto link
thinking it would take you to an about page. Do
you really want to launch a desktop email
application you haven't used since 2005?"
* QUIZ "MARTI PELLOW OR MEATY PILLOW" - not
saying they look alike particularly but the
phrase is in our head.
Send your thoughts to Poo B3ta, BBC Television
Centre, Wood Lane:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Music Toys
Here's the best images from last week:
* TUPAC - from Paint!
http://b3ta.com/board/11294169
* BOWIE - from Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/board/11294283
* BEATLES - also from Captain Howdy
http://b3ta.com/board/11294422
* See all the other images from the 'Music
Toys' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/musictoys/popular/
>> This week: Autobiographies2 <<
It's been 13 years since we last did celebrity
autobiographies so we felt it's time for an
update. Pick your favourite (or most hated)
celeb and think of an amusingly relevant title
for their book. Then design the cover (again).
http://b3ta.com/challenge/autobiographies2
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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH-ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
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A film where someone wakes up and it's only them
who remembers Smiths songs and they decide to
keep them to themselves and die basically a saint
who gets their rewards in the next life.
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
Thanking you, the best crew
* BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
*MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
* BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
* BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
Philadelphia.
Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon,
HappyToast.
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Please sub us some cash, thank you:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
