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NEWSLETTER: "BREAKING: THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Goth or Moth?
* CONFESSIONS - "I ate my son's Easter egg"
* BOT - Everything Is Cancelled - including YOU

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |    "We're shaving  
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    the yak's tits
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta electro-e-mail 727 - 15 Sep 2019

Read this issue wishing you were Marti Pellow:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue727

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making excuses about late work

  >> Goth or Moth? Quiz <<
  Matt Round writes, "Is it the name of a gloomy
  post-punk band or nocturnal flappy insect? YOU
  MUST DECIDE (inspired by discovering that lots
  of British moths have wonderfully strange
  names)." 
https://vole.wtf/goth-or-moth/ 

  >> Everything Is Cancelled <<
  Your editor wrote a quick bot to cancel
  EVERYONE. It works by looking up who's trending
  on Twitter and then announcing they're
  cancelled. It's had a good first day -
  cancelling the great and the good including the
  Incredible Hulk and Priti Patel. If you'd enjoy
  the sweet relief of being cancelled - follow it
  and reply and it'll cancel you too.
https://twitter.com/cancelledbot

  >> Jeff Minter Film Kickstarter <<
  Dokk writes, "Remember that teaser video for a
  Jeff Minter film that I uploaded here earlier
  this year? No? Well forget that anyway - this
  is the full trailer for the documentary film
  called HEART OF NEON that's promoting the
  crowdfunding campaign to the funds necessary to
  get this project to the finish line."
https://youtu.be/GgUAd4Ydlyg 

  And the crowdfunder is here. Hope this works,
  Jeff Minter is a gaming LEGEND.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dokk/heart-of-neon-a-documentary-about-a-life-in-video-games

  >> Jacob Rees-Mogg book <<
  P.garbacz writes, "Hi B3ta, Long time lurker,
  first time emailer. Inspired by all the Jacob
  Rhys Mogg laying down memes, I've created a
  silly mock children's book called wake up
  jacob. This is my first ever book and I hope
  people laugh as much reading it as I did making
  it. All the profits are going to charity, and
  at the time of writing I've yet to decide - but
  probably my local food bank! The print book is
  still pending, but the Kindle version is here."
  Let's hope this sells more than the haunted
  pipe cleaner's one.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07X8YY5NP/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

Give man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.

Give fish a man and he'll ask him to crowdfund
his new solo LP.

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Project for anonymous confessions, launched

  Fesshole is open and ready for your
  confessions, which it'll then tweet out for
  everyone to judge. Recent nuggets include:

  * "Quite often I piss in the bathroom sink at
  home even though the toilet is right there. I
  have no idea why. I also piss in the kitchen
  sink when I can't be arsed to go upstairs but
  everyone does that."

  * "I ate my son's easter egg. I am a fat
  wanker."

  * "I'm not gay but wanking to a bit of gay porn
  keeps things interesting."

  Follow FessHole NOW!
https://twitter.com/fesshole

-------------------------------------------------

Whatever you think of Bercow, if you haven't at
least once attempted an "ORRRR-DUUUUHHHHH!"
impression then you are dead inside.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by our conceptual enemies
  
  >> The Egg - A Short Story <<
  Artifus writes, "Story by Andy Weir animated by
  Kurzgesagt" This is probably the most profound
  short story you'll ever experience short of
  taking mushrooms. It stuck with us for years,
  and now it's an animation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6fcK_fRYaI 

  >> Lol at old footballers <<
  Didn't soccer stars look ancient in the 1980s?
  All that running around was clearly bad for
  them and they should have stayed in the pub and
  smoked cigs.
https://twitter.com/80sAging

    >> Fifty-three note music <<
  There's only 12 notes, but what if there was
  53? Listen to this really enjoyable tune with
  lots of little bits to make your ears go "How
  are we here? But here is GOOD!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVZy9GUeMqY

  >> BBC Archive : Gaming <<
  Monkeon writes, "The BBC have just launched a
  new archive site, and I'm enjoying the games
  section. Just watched Paul Daniels talk about
  buying an Atari 800 for a grand." Not a lot...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/gaming/znqy6v4 

  >> Bowie CD-Rom <<
  Enjoy some 90s nostalgia with David Bowie's
  CD-Rom. Clearly made with Macromedia Director
  by some absolute chancers.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=AG5Oi6MrI7U

  >> Japanese seance conjures Margeret Thatcher <<
  Extraordinary video of a member of a right-wing
  Japanese cult holding a seance to talk to the
  thankfully dead British Prime Minister. It's
  sparked a bit of a catchphrase round here with
  everyone we know shouting "Dennis!" like
  Cartman doing Kim Jong-il.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFOe_b0PIvM

-------------------------------------------------

If Boris ever manages to build a bridge, B3ta
staff will eat that bridge live on CeeFax.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some stuff and win a muff
  
  * TEA-BAGGING REMINDER SERVICE - location based
  app that clocks if you're in Tesco and says
  "Don't forget the teabags, you fucking twat."

  * MAILTO FIXER - You know what browsers need? A
  pop-up going "You clicked a mailto link
  thinking it would take you to an about page. Do
  you really want to launch a desktop email
  application you haven't used since 2005?"

  * QUIZ "MARTI PELLOW OR MEATY PILLOW" - not
  saying they look alike particularly but the
  phrase is in our head.

  Send your thoughts to Poo B3ta, BBC Television
  Centre, Wood Lane:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Music Toys

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * TUPAC - from Paint!
http://b3ta.com/board/11294169

  * BOWIE - from Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/board/11294283

  * BEATLES - also from Captain Howdy
http://b3ta.com/board/11294422

  * See all the other images from the 'Music
  Toys' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/musictoys/popular/

  >> This week: Autobiographies2 <<
  It's been 13 years since we last did celebrity
  autobiographies so we felt it's time for an
  update. Pick your favourite (or most hated)
  celeb and think of an amusingly relevant title
  for their book. Then design the cover (again).
http://b3ta.com/challenge/autobiographies2

-------------------------------------------------

: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH-ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

-------------------------------------------------

A film where someone wakes up and it's only them
who remembers Smiths songs and they decide to
keep them to themselves and die basically a saint
who gets their rewards in the next life.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  Thanking you, the best crew

  * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
  MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
  PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
  *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
  Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
  Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
  Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
  Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
  Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
  Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
  Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
  Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
  John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
  Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
  Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
  Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
  Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
  Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
  Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
  Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
  Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

  Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon,
  HappyToast.
  
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  Please sub us some cash, thank you:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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