NEWSLETTER: "I'M AS SERIOUS AS MEASLES WHEN I SAY RHYTHM IS SOME WEASELS"
This Week:
* GAME - Can you draw the perfect circle?
* BREXIT - The disco album
* TOY - Realistic bargain-bin simulator
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the cat
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to convert it into
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| a more expensive cat"
B3ta email 730 - 12th Oct 2019
Read this issue pretending to be E.L. Wisty:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue730
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sweet love with themselves
>> Can You Draw a Perfect Circle? <<
Matt Round writes, "This is one of those
stupidly simple ideas I've kicked around for
YEARS, but it needed to feel properly
interactive and have perfect=100% without
fudging the maths, recently solved all that so
I've built it. I reckon anything over 97% is
pretty good."
https://vole.wtf/perfect-circle/
>> Brexit: the disco LP <<
Rhrodri Marsden writes, "I spent ten weeks
channelling my Brexit-related anxiety into what
I'm calling a disco symphony, but it's really a
wail of impotent sarcasm. The Hustle takes some
of the vague reassurances and blithely stated
bullshit that we've been fed over the past
three years, and sets it to the most
relentlessly upbeat soundtrack that my eleven
colleagues and I could muster. From Let's Go
WTO ("We'll have a sunlit upland glow / when we
go WTO") to Alternative Arrangements ("If
you're in a mess you helped to create /
alternative arrangements make it all great") we
whoop our way through 35 minutes of deeply
unconvincing Brexit propaganda, in disco
format."
This is actually great and we recommend
clicking the YouTube link - kept us giggling
for ages and then we actually enjoyed the
music.
https://article54.eu/
>> Bargain Bin simulator <<
Monkeon writes, "I've made a Bargain Bin
simulator. Mostly for dead format nostalgia,
but it also throws up interesting things on
YouTube with 32 views and so also functions as
a random video generator."
https://monkeon.co.uk/bargainbin/
>> 80s platform game <<
Benjymous writes, "I built a little 80s
inspired platformer for the #js13k compo -
first time I've released something complete as
a solo dev, so quite a milestone for me!"
https://grapefruitopia.itch.io/singsongdingdong
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Song titles that could be euphemisms for wanking:
Pump up the Jam
Ernie, The Fastest Milkman in the West
While my guitar gently weeps
Stand and Deliver
Here I Go Again (On My Own)
Sowing The Seeds Of Love
Union of the Snake
Champagne Supernova
21 seconds to go
Knock on Wood
Icky Thump
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: FESSHOLE
Your horrid confessions confessed anonymously
There have been 11 separate confessions of
fancying Priti Patel submitted to @fesshole. We
don't know if it's one guy with an obsession or
a whole nation with a Tory fetish. Anyway. JUST
STOP. Anyway, here's three recent favs.
* VEG HYPOCRISY - "Everyone thinks I'm a vegan
except for the lady at the roadside cafe where
I get a bacon and egg sandwich 2 or 3 times a
week."
* BREAD WIFE - "I hide the bread knife from the
missus because she uses it for spreading butter
rather than a proper knife and it really annoys
me."
* SQUISHY SHITE - "I used to catch my poos in
toilet paper and squash them because it was
squishy and fun. I was 29 when I stopped after
my boyfriend caught me."
66,432 words submitted so far. Same length as
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, and every
word an equal prediction of a terrifying
future.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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Things to ban on the Tube before food:
* Non-Londoners complaining that no one talks to
each other
* Drivers doing comedy patter
* Free papers dribbling rightwing nonsense into
your brain
* The recorded V/o pronouncing Highgate wrong.
It's HI-GATE, not HIG-UT
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by Tories in fancier sheds
* SAND DROPPER THINGIE - we found this relaxing
- kind of a living version of MS Paint:
https://maxbittker.itch.io/sandspiel
* BREAK WEBSITES WITH 'HONK' - and we like the
format of presenting silly code projects like
this in a formal way:
https://honkify.netlify.com
* WRITE BBC BASIC ON TWITTER - genius idea for
a bot - send it 10 PRINT "HELLO" and remember
to RUN.
https://twitter.com/bbcbasicbot
* GIANT MILITARY CATS - Just giant cats with
military hardware. B3tatastic. We mean it's
badly photoshopped cats like it's 2002. And
what's wrong with that?
https://twitter.com/GiantCat9
* COUNCIL NAMING FUN - Enjoying the names
suggested by the public for the new Manchester
city gritters: LS Ploughry; Usain Salt; Lionel
Gritchie; Grita Thunberg; Snow Patrol; Gritney
Spears; Grittersweet Symphony; Northern
Plougherhouse; Spready Mercury.
https://twitter.com/ManCityCouncil/status/11815248...
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: COLEEN VS VARDY
The B3ta opinion
1. Rebekah did it
2. Rebekah's account is compromised
3. Coleen's account is compromised (this one
worries me as she didn't show much attempt to
rule this out)
4. They're colluding to promote the pair of them
5. Coleen is telling on herself in her sleep
like Tyler Durden
Who the fuck knows actually.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Celebrity Computer Games
Here's the best images from last week:
* THE FARAGE COLLECTION RE-ISSUED from
Barbarossa:
http://b3ta.com/board/11296499
* MOG QWOP from Tribs:
http://b3ta.com/board/11296437
* UNTITLED AIDE GAME from Captain Howdy:
http://b3ta.com/board/11296606
* See all the other images from the 'Celebrity
Computer Games' challenge:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/celebritycomputergames/...
>> This week: Fish Albums <<
Photoshop classic LP covers as if they were
performed, or are about fish. Or just make
terrible fish / music puns.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fishalbums/popular/
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People should have seasons like TV shows, but we
just go on and on and on. Everyone needs a break
and the opportunity to come back for season two
as a robot or with a talking dog sidekick.
-------------------------------------------------
: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on B3ta stories
* HAPPY TOASY DOES VIDEO THAT BREAKS INTERNET -
mocking Boris and look at those numbers.
https://b3ta.com/links/no:5
* B3TA IMAGE ON TV - thanks to Coleen and i124nk8.
https://twitter.com/i124nk8/status/118223285235788...
* SHARDCORE IN BBC DOC - look it up on iPlayer
or see the clip here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* YOUR EDITOR REVIEWS DAVID CAMERON - Rob aka
Barry Sausages writes, "Yay. My review of David
Cameron's book is the top review on Amazon.
This means the chances of our ex Prime Minister
having read it are pretty damn high."
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1182668629868...
* FESSHOLE IN THE TABLOIDS - reached the Metro,
Daily Mail and Daily Star. Link does to Daily
Star as yeah, not linking the DM here.
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/people...
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22% of the world's energy resources are currently
being used to store unpopular podcasts by men who
are too scared to phone their friends for a chat
instead.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some shit and get in "it"
* MR MASH BOT - You know those bots that mix up
emoji to make new emojis? Something like that
but mixing up Mr Men to make new Mr Men.
* MOZZA FAN DOC - We'd like a documentary about
how Morrissey's drift to the far right must
have split Moz fandom. The tribute bands that
are still singing Smiths songs, the young lefty
people who got Morrissey tattoos before this
blew up as bad as it is now (they exist).
* SPOTIFY LP MODE - You tell it to play an
album. And it plays the album and STOPS. That
beautiful silence where you can still hear the
last track in your head, then decide what's
next. That's what's wrong with streaming: no
silence. Just more sound until you hate music
Tell us about your stinky whims:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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1 like = one bit of data entered into
sophisticated advertising system that builds a
profile of you and then shows you an ad saying
"Join the British Army" regardless
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: PATREON THANKS
Thanking you, the best crew
* BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
*MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
* BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
* BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
Philadelphia.
Written by Rob Manuel.
Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon,
HappyToast (site help).
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Day 4,380 in the Twitter house and journalists
are moaning about other journalists for the
4,380th day running.
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https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
