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NEWSLETTER: "BUTT-SEX KILLED MUTT, REX"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Are these rubbish celebs Remain or Leave?
* BONUS QUIZ - Which animal do you sleep like?
* CONFESSIONS - "I drank my own piss"

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're stinking up the
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   e-bog with cyber-shits
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    ...together"

B3ta e-by-gum-mail 729 - 27th Septober 2019

Read this issue to someone sexy for sexy fun: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue729

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Good content this week people. Well done.

  >> Are these celebs Leave or Remain? <<
  Last week we suggested someone make a quiz that
  asks you to predict whether the public thought
  arbitrary celebs were Leave or Remain, and
  cyber clever-clogs Monkeon has stepped up to
  the plate and given it 48% and more.
https://monkeon.co.uk/leaveorremain/

  >> Which animal do you sleep like? <<
  Matt Round is asking the big questions and
  wants you to input your sleep patterns to work
  out which animals you are comparable with.
  Sleepy-eyed Matt writes, "I wanted something
  that's the opposite of injecting news into your
  eyeballs every waking moment and so ended up
  with CUDDLY ANIMALS and RESTFUL OBLIVION."
https://vole.wtf/sleep-animal/

  >> Boaty McBoat swizz <<
  (A)lexistwit writes has fixed the problem with
  the newly launched RRS Sir David Attenborough.
  Go him.
http://b3ta.com/links/1525918

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: READERS' WIFI
  What's the best named WiFi you've seen?

  It stings when IP
  Silence of the LANs
  Router, Sue & Bob Too
  You're my wifi now
  Wu-Tang LAN
  GETOFFMYLAN
  Martin Router King
  Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon
https://twitter.com/b3ta/status/1176864900544643072

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: FESSHOLE
  Your terrible confessions, confessed

  * DOG HORROR - "I was still living at home at
  the time, and had a massive anal sex session
  with my girlfriend on the front room sofa while
  my parents where out. She shat a little bit on
  the sofa and it left a stain. When questioned
  by my parents, I blamed the dog, and they said
  they couldn't have that, particularly as it was
  getting old, so they took it to the vets and
  had it put down."

  * OFFICE NOTES - "It was me that wrote 'anal
  trauma' underneath Helen's 'what did your last
  slave die of?' notice in the staff kitchen.

  * URINE FAIL - "I drank my own piss because a
  man in a rave club told me that it would make
  you come up on the E again. It doesn't."

  * ERECT TOWERS - "I got bored watching 9/11 and
  went and had sex with my girlfriend between the
  1st and 2nd tower collapsing."

  Fess up your foulest secrets for us to giggle
  at:
https://twitter.com/fesshole

  Also Fesshole was featured on the Dublin radio
  station FM104 this week, they interviewed your
  handsome editor and you can listen here:
https://play.acast.com/s/room104/95014f87-b463-4b7d-9f1e-288d143b5132

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  It's good content Brant

  * HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS? -  Monty
  Python's Argument Sketch performed with two
  vintage speech synthesizers. 
https://b3ta.com/links/How_about_a_nice_game_of_chess:2

  * CREEPY CLOWN - Long-running US kids TV show
  ended with mute clown Clarabell finally
  speaking... It's as chilling as cold piss.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_final_moments_of_Howdy_Doody

  * WORST SAX SOLO EVER - it's impressive to
  attempt a one-note solo and even get that
  wrong.
https://twitter.com/galgracen/status/1176740969988800513

  * AI TRUMP TWEET, OR REAL TWEET? - This is
  surprisingly tricky at times.  A good format
  for testing AI generated stuff though.
http://faketrump.ai

  * INTERESTING ARTICLE ABOUT AN OLD GAME - a
  highly-optimised maze generator people are
  struggling to decypher.
http://bbc.com/future/story/20190919-the-maze-puzzle-hidden-within-an-early-video-game

  * WORST COMPUTER GAME ART - And Mr Biffo's bad
  game covers are amusing.
https://digitiser2000.com/main-page/bad-game-covers-jamboree

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If porn movies did kids' TV parodies 

Jack Off Nory
Bagpussy
Mr Benn Dover
Worzel Cummage
Postman's Pits
Jim'll Fuck It (sorry)
Thomas The Wank Engine
Roobarb And Man Custard
Banana Split Pits
Roland Rut
Press Gang Bang
Fingeringbobs
Cheggers Plays With Poop

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: PODCAST CORNER
  Why you shouldn't think the world is ending

  You know all those "sweet meteor of death, take
  me know" kind of memes that float through our
  discourse? Maybe they're doing us no good and
  the world isn't ending. WE LOVED THIS PODCAST.
  A rare thing, something online that changed our
  mind on an issue.
https://www.cracked.com/podcast/the-end-of-the-world-mentality-and-why-thatE28099s-ridiculous/

-------------------------------------------------

Just written our first joke about Queen's Radio
Ga Ga. Filed under "radio gag a".

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Reinvent things better

  Here's the best images from last week:

  *  FIRE ALARM TOASTER - from monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11295674

  *  IMPROVED HEADPHONES -  from 2kindsofherring
http://b3ta.com/board/11295872

  * LET THE FLAME WARS COMMENCE - from Pizopop
http://b3ta.com/board/11295276

  * See all the other images from the 'Reinvent
  things better' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/reinventbetter/popular/


  >> This week: Enhanced Animals <<
  Animals are great, but could they be better?
  Has evolution missed a trick by not giving a
  horse guns or a sheep incredibly long legs.
  Find out through the power of photo
  manipulation (not home veterinary surgery)
http://b3ta.com/challenge/enhancedanimals/popular/

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Please Google "how to turn your phone off", 
follow the instructions and then thank us later
for making your life better.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Everyone should make content
  
  * ARE OASIS FANS LEAVE? - "I'd love to see an
  Oasis fan / Brexit voter Venn diagram"  writes
  a contributor to @anon_opin. Sounds like a
  little data project for someone willing to
  spend a few quid with Google Surveys.

  * "NOBOGRAMS" - make a crudely drawn cock
  version of the Nonogram/Picross games we're all
  apparently addicted to on our telephones.

  * FUCK PETITIONS, THEY DON'T WORK -  Every
  petition site should be replaced by a
  crowdfunding site to raise money for a
  motivated lawyer to fight for what you want.
  "Who wants to crowd fund chasing the Daily Mail
  into the small claims courts for every time
  they infringe copyright?" Yeah, we'll do £10 a
  month for that.

  Send your cyber missives to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

Conservatives are also called the Tories. Why
don't they split the difference and call
themselves Conservatories. Or cunts.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  Thanking you, the best crew

  * BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
  MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
  PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
  *MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  * BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
  AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
  WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
  COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
  MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
  FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
  LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
  GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
  NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
  IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
  JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
  JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
  O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
  JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
  ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
  FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
  HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
  THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, J&#463;M
  MCN&#463;VEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
  PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
  MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
  WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
  HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
  MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
  COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
  MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  * BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
  Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
  Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
  Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
  Andrew Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben,
  Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
  Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
  Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
  Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  Fenris Games, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Graham
  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
  Shiel, Jace Otting, James, James Meers,
  Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John Griffiths,
  John M, Jon Bounds, Julie Brumlik, Lee Ball,
  Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Mark Ryan, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Matt
  Carr, Matt Loren, Michael Bryan, Mike Booth,
  Mike Carter, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick, Nick
  Murdoch, Nigel Ford, Oli, P Underwood, Paul
  Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
  Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Rob
  Potter, Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan,
  Russell Webster, Sam Brown, Seirian Hanner,
  Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen McAuley,
  Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

  Also thanks to Matt Round, Snotters, Monkeon,
  HappyToast (site help).

  Plus artifus & Ambegris.

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  Please sub us some cash, thank you:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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