we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "NOT SURE WHETHER TO CALL OUR CYCLE SHOP BIKE CURIOUS OR PEDALFILES"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* BOT - Daily Mail comments vs New Yorker cartoons
* VIDEOS - Watchable public domain shit
* SOCIAL DISTANCING - if monuments joined in

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "Pivoting our business
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  to pop-up undertakers
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 743 - 06 Apr 2020

Read this issue, broken looking, on your phone:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue743

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making suspicious jam

  >> Random New Yorker Cartoons With Daily Mail Comments <<
  JimmerUK tells he's been "inspired to write a
  Twitter bot. I have scoured the bottom half of
  the Mail Online and currently have about 300
  pearls of wisdom which are then paired with a
  random cartoon every hour. Sometimes the
  concept works, sometimes it doesn't."
https://twitter.com/The_DailyMailer 

  >> Social Distancing lols <<
  Drivelsieve writes has made a series of world
  monuments practise social distancing. 
http://b3ta.com/links/1536179

  >> Public domain movies  <<
  Matt Round writes, "I trawled some lists of
  public domain movies and put together my own
  version of Netflix. There's also an amazing
  Voleflix Original by HappyToast, and if you
  add stuff to Your List it'll rate your taste
  in movies (no arguments, its verdict is
  FINAL)"
 https://vole.wtf/voleflix/ 

  >> NHS poster  - Profits to the NHS. <<
  Dr Dunno writes, "My cover image for the New
  European celebrating the hard work of NHS
  staff is available now as a poster for just
  £10 and 100% profits go to charities that help
  support the NHS during this difficult time.
http://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/front-line-the-new-european-cover-poster-1-6579834

-------------------------------------------------

Who has left the house or congregated in groups
larger than two people since B3ta launched
anyway?

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  You anonymous confessions, confessed
  
  Each week we colate your howls into the abyss.
  Our faves include:

  * LAUGHING GNOME - "For the last ten years I
  have been moving my neighbours garden gnomes
  about two inches every night so it looks like
  they are slowly wandering around the garden."

  * MARIO FART - "Last night's leftover curry,
  eaten at lunch, gave me a second wave of
  tremendous pleasure this afternoon as my farts
  jet powered my cycle home from work. I felt
  like a Mario kart character."

  * SEXY TIME - "The first time I was invited to
  an orgy I was unsure of the etiquette and
  presented the hosts with a bunch of flowers."

  For the best confession of March, and this is
  really worth a click, read this:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1245406337326092289

-------------------------------------------------

Which rapper is most likely to turn his pets
into chowder after several days of coronavirus
starvation? Soup doggy-dog.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by others. The bastards.

  * 1970s TAT - Peter Wyngarde's estate was
  recently up for auction. And is every bit as
  bonkers as you might expect. Google for his LP
  'When Sex Leers Its Inquisitive Head' if
  you're bored and want something that should
  definitly be left in the past.
https://www.the-saleroom.com/en-gb/auction-catalogues/east-bristol-auctions/catalogue-id-sreas10388

  * CREEPY ESTATE AGENT GAME - This is a nice
  little game. Reminds me of those Right Move
  links that go viral because someone has a
  nutty room on image 4.
https://corpsepile.itch.io/the-open-house

  * LP COVERS VS SOCIAL DISTANCING - wish we'd
  thought of this as an image challenge.
https://6feetcovers.wixsite.com/6feetcovers

  * THE LADYBIRD BOOK OF COVID-19 - made us
  smile anyway. Probably annoy the actual
  writers of these things.
https://imgur.com/gallery/PfKYrrW

  * OLD FLASH INTERNET SIMULATOR - "This is
  great, definitely one for next newsletter"
  writes Matt Round.
http://mackerelmediafish.com

  * REMEMBER YTMND? You're the man now dog is
  BACK. Thank fuck a bit of old internet is
  back. Makes B3ta less lonely.
https://ytmnd.com/

-------------------------------------------------

If you’re struggling to tell the days apart
under social distancing we recommend the 5:2
diet so at least you can recognise Monday and
Thursday by them being extra miserable.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  New one: Tigers
  
  One word challenge - Tigers! go!
https://b3ta.com/challenge/tigers/all

  Also our coronavirus challenge remains open
  and timely.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/coronavirus/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

Me: Did you know The Wombles were the only kids
TV characters captured by the Nazis?
Her: Sorry?
Me: *sings* Hitler has only got one ball
Her: ...
Me: You know, one ball / Womble
Her: ... I'm beginning to regret being locked in
with you

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt

  EDITORIAL THANKS: TownsendsPublisher,
  SockCooker, monkeon, mattround.

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
  Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence
  Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard,
  Stephanie Wissinger and newest one Dion
  Ashton.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

next issue »
« previous issue