NEWSLETTER: "WHAT IDIOT CALLED IT HORSE & HOUND MAGAZINE INSTEAD OF HOOF & WOOF?"
This Week:
* GAME - Guess the IMDB rating
* PODCAST - Prev-covid walks to office recorded
* BOOK - How to entertain your kids
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Socially isolated and
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | very online, long before
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| it was fashionable"
B3ta steam-mail 746 - 27th May 2020
Read this issue in a rose garden to the press:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue746
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister chocolate
>> Guess My IMDB Rating <<
IMDb users give every movie a rating between 0
and 100. Your challenge is to guess the number
by naming movies until you find one with a
matching score. Thanks Monkeon for this slice
of hard genius.
https://monkeon.co.uk/guessmyimdbrating/
>> Should You Go Out? <<
JimmerUK writes, "Due to confusion regarding
the current government advice, a comprehensive
questionnaire has been prepared by a panel of
experts that will clarify matters, informing
you whether you should go out or not. "
https://jimmeruk.com/stayathome
>> Government Coronavirus Slogan Generator <<
Jaymeekae writes, "I probably could have
channelled my anger in to something
constructive but I made this automatic
government bullshit generator instead."
https://coronavirusslogan.com/
>> Walk to work Podcast <<
Matt Round has asked people to record their
trips to work. Little did he know he would be
capturing a world just before it disappeared
due to virus bollocks. Drink deep on the
nostalgia of having a commute. Or are we all
back again. We can't remember.
https://vole.wtf/trudgecast/
>> BBC Radio Four - the Chill Out mix <<
It's 1989 and you've taken a pill in a club;
it gets too much & you wander into the chill
out room & the DJ is playing a super mellow
set of Radio 4 classics. Follow the B3ta
editor's news project now, to hear it first.
https://twitter.com/l_o_n_g_w_a_v_e
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Dildo factory. If you build it, they will come.
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: WHAT TO DO WITH KIDS ON A LOCK DOWN
501 Games to Entertain and Keep the Kids Sane
Old B3tan Mike Rampton has written a book of
games to play with kids and says, "It was
written before lockdown, and briefly looked
like it was timed amazingly, although now that
schools might be reopening, it might be timed
really badly. Either way, I nearly went fully
mental writing it, so that’s something. I hope
it can give parents and kids a few hours of
fun anyway."
We asked Mike for an example game. "Get about
twenty pairs of socks, split them up and hide
one from each pair in various places around
the house. Then present your offspring with
the pile of remaining odd socks and relax with
a can of Kronenbourg while they hunt out the
missing ones. Fun!"
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/15291068...
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The hardest covid hygiene skill is opening a
fresh supermarket bag without licking your
fingers.
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: FRIDAY GAME
Making 'password generation' fun
Type in a password. No, it should have 1
number. You do that. No, it should have one
uppercase letter. And so it goes. We are
jealous of this idea.
https://youshallnotpass.glitch.me
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: SITES IN BEEF. DELICIOUS OXO-Y BEEF
Content made by other people of internet land
* FIGHTING TALK - The best comedy writers in
the world are working, unpaid, in
r/relationships
https://twitter.com/JakeMHS/status/126002578875932...
* 90s BEDROOM SIMULATOR - we don't have a VR
headset, but we enjoyed the browser version of
this 90s bedroom simulator. Wish you could
choose your own posters and games, though. Sam
Fox and Bomb Jack all the way.
https://sonictruth.github.io/vr-dos/
* MELODY BOT - here's the sting music for your
algo-generated Seinfeld script
https://twitter.com/MelodyBot3456/status/125814342...
* TOLKIEN CHARACTER OR ANTI DEPRESSANT QUIZ -
we scored fuck all on this. Hard as nails as
we know fuck all about either subject.
https://antidepressantsortolkien.xebuz.now.sh/
* AI INVENTED WORKS - Really simple but
beautiful use of machine learning, a site that
generates entirely new words. e.g. Cacochus -
a shrub with purple, pink, or yellow flowers
https://thisworddoesnotexist.com
* HORROR MOVIES VS COVID - how to Survive
Covid-19 Learned From Sci Fi and Horror
Movies.
http://b3ta.com/links/1539635
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Slade is correctly pronounced Slah-day like
Sade. Change our mind.
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: FESSHOLE
Your anonymous confessions, confessed
Each week we collate your fibs about sex and
pissing into sinks into shareable content.
Our faves include:
* HERO - "I haven't bought a coffee in
Wetherspoons for nearly four years. Just carry
the mug I stole in 2016 in my bag and help
myself."
* WEIRDO - "I send the woman who sits next to
me at work a birthday and Christmas card to
her home address every year, using a made up
family. It's driving her mad not knowing who
Jacqui, Martin and Oliver are!"
* SHIT-ERO - When myself and my best pal were
12 we had a 'who can't poo the longest'
competition. I won, because after 6 days he
shit himself in my dad's Volvo on the drive
home from my birthday party.
Join the 75,000 cunts that have followed this
shit. Or follow the less popular @anon_opin
which is the same shit but slightly different.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
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Why not an edit war on the Wikipedia page for
Oasis's Some Might Say, by repeatedly reporting
the title for weasel words?
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
80s editions of classic books
Here's the best images from last week:
* JANE EYREWOLF - from Ninj
http://b3ta.com/board/11314126
* THE LORD OF MCFLY'S - from Q4nobody
http://b3ta.com/board/11314334
* THE GREAT GAATSBY - from Q4nobody too. The
talented git.
http://b3ta.com/board/11314203
* See all the other images from the '80s
editions of classic books' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/80sbooks/popular
>> This week: Bones <<
Show us your funny bones.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Bones/popular
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Elon Musk and Grimes welcome baby 'X Æ A-12'.
Noddy Holder shout: "IT'S X MUSK"
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
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lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
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Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
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blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
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McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
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Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
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wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
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Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
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Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
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Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
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Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
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Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round & David
Stevenson. Plus BatFastardCom & Miss
Fortunate.
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