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NEWSLETTER: "RIP VERA LYNN - THE CURSE OF WORLD WAR II TAKES ANOTHER TOO SOON"

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This Week:
* VIDEO - Shipping Forecast pastiche
* INTERACTIVE - retro Glastonbury simulator 
* PHOTOS - ButtyStock II, Electric Buttyroo

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web with junk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 748 - 3rd Jun 2020

Read this crying and wanking:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue748

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TANS HAVE BEEN DOING
  Other than shitting themselves and wanking
  
  * THE TRIPPING FORECAST - Your B3ta editor and
  HappyToast and C_Kick have combined powers to
  make a skit on Radio 4's Shipping Forecast,
  best consumed before 1990, very much R U ON
  ONE CROMARTY?
https://youtu.be/CruFRlPERWE

  * 90s FESTIVAL GENERATOR - Monkeon writes, "I
  get the competition of Glastonbury's virtual
  festival last weekend, but mine is for middle
  aged indie kids, and the footage is primarily
  of forgotten bands recorded on a shaky
  camcorder."
https://monkeon.co.uk/90sfestivalgenerator/

  * BUTTYSTOCK II - Matt Round writes,
  "Buttystock has gone live, with video and
  HappyToast's 3d models."
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/

  * ALGO-PEANUTS - can AI steal the soul of a
  dead artist? Shardcore stuffs the entire
  history of Peanuts into his GAN to find out. 
http://shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/06/17/algonuts/

 * DINO-CUNTS  - Joel Veitch writes, "We made a
 new Dinosaurs: Terrible Lizards cartoon. This
 one has a Tyrannosaurus in it. Whoop Whoop!""
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uS_Tp-Ref0

  * UK CORONAVIRUS DEATHS PUT IN PERSPECTIVE -
  JimmerUk writes, "Three and a half months into
  a global pandemic, tens of thousands of people
  have died in the UK. The numbers are almost
  meaningless, so I tried to put them in
  perspective."
https://jimmeruk.com/covidcounter

-------------------------------------------------

What's grey and lights up?
An elephant being told they're beautiful.

-------------------------------------------------

: FESS(TERING)HOLE
  Your anonymous confessions, shitted up for lols
  
  Each week we collate your fibs about wanking
  and pissing on pigeons into shareable content.

  Our faves include:

  * NO CLAPS - "I haven't clapped for the NHS
  even once. I show my support by paying my
  taxes and not voting tory."

  * NO SPOONS - "I used to work at a Spoons in
  Norwich. When Tim visited I poured his pint
  from the spill tray. Fuck that guy."

  * NO CARS - "I look away when an expensive
  sports car passes me because I don't want to
  give the driver the satisfaction."

  Join the 78,000 heartless wankers that have
  followed this shit. Link goes to our "best of
  May" collection so it's better than normal as
  it's all the bits that have 800+ favs. That's
  like having your lols predigested so you can
  eat them like a baby bird.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1276879151908225026

-------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between George Michael's
second solo LP and Nigel Farage's radio career
now he's been fired?

One is listen without prejudice, the other is
prejudice without listeners.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BEEFS
  The OXO content of other people's beef mistakes
  
  * CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: You're Simon
  Cowell. Can you get a number 1 hit single?
https://twitter.com/AdrianRMG/status/1273225250700963840

  * LIMMY'S WE'LL MEET AGAIN TECHNO COVER. The
  greatest tribute to Vera Lynn from the man
  with an irrational dislike for Daft Punk.
https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/1260298058597830658

  * HOUSEMARTINS SING RENT-A-GHOST - Ambegris
  writes, "This guy's been doing loads of
  impressions of artists doing old TV themes.
  See also Bowie's Button Moon or Johnny Cash's
  Auf Wiedersehen Pet." 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHvEsxtZ40M

  * HAVE YOU SEEN THIS DOG - A single-joke
  website in rainbow Comic Sans.
https://haveyouseenthis.dog

  * HARD NOSTALGIA - a collection of sites that
  feature fake desktops.
https://simone.computer/#/webdesktops

-------------------------------------------------

We know it's a right-wing anxiety wank that
"they're renaming the White Cliffs of Dover now"
but we can't help but think of new names for
them: Wyclef; Got Any Veras?; and Richard.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Statues

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * WORKING TOGETHER, from The Twisted Omentum
http://b3ta.com/board/11317130

  * NEW SAFETY ADVICE FROM THE WHO, from Pizopop
http://b3ta.com/board/11316792

  * STOP ERASIN ARE HISTRY!, from Bod
http://b3ta.com/board/11316303

  * See all the other images from the 'Statues' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/statues


  >> This week: Animal Politicians <<
  Photoshop politicians who have names that
  sound like animals to look like they sound.
  Like Dominic Crab or Jacob Rees-Frog.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalpoliticians

-------------------------------------------------

HOW TO WRITE A BOOK: Tippex out all the words
from a novel you like and type in your own
words.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  BONUS THOUGHT: The episode of Quantum Leap
  we'd like to watch is where Sam leaps into the
  body of Sir Clive Sinclair making the advert
  for the Sinclair Quantum Leap, and the
  director is asking him to jump over the huge
  IBM PC and it looks awfully dangerous and he
  goes "Oh boy!"

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to newish Patreons Ben
  Rout, Tim Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence
  Saussez, Derek Colley. Martin Pritchard,
  Stephanie Wissinger, Dion Ashton and newest
  one Paul Blanchard. Thanks Paul.
http://patreon.com/b3ta



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