NEWSLETTER: "CONGRATULATIONS ON REMEMBERING WHAT EMAIL IS"
This Week:
* SNAP! Can you tell which pics have "same energy"?
* BILL DRUMMOND - Writes play about Fesshole. Really
* BOT - "I'm A Covidiot, Get Me Out Of Here"
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the Web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta e-e-e-e-email 753 - 2nd Oct 2020
Bark this issue to your dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue753
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making ham for men who don't want it
* SAME ENERGY SNAP - "I've made a new picture
quiz", writes Monkeon, "No idea how easy or
hard it is, but hopefully gives a bit of a
dopamine buzz when you spot the matches."
Monkeon is right, this is quite easy but
somehow it's delightful. We played for a good
twenty mins.
https://monkeon.co.uk/sameenergysnap/
* I'M A COVIDIOT, GET ME OUT OF HERE - Matt
Round has been fantasising about making a new
viral reality show where “free-thinking”
celebrities are happily exposed to exciting
diseases at Porton Down.
https://twitter.com/ImACovidiot
* FESSHOLE VS BILL DRUMMOND - Your editor was
thinking it would be fun to get Bill Drummond
to forgive the people who've confessed on
Fesshole - and sent him a speculative email
via his website and he replied. And what a
reply.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1309559419387...
* MY MUM - A CARTOON LIFE - merkinhead writes,
"Buried the old dear yesterday. Thought the
world deserved to see her talent so I took to
the Twitter to share her 'toons and her story.
Hankies at the ready? Enjoy."
https://twitter.com/Jimjar/status/1304021569182797...
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If you shot Martin Fry with a poison arrow would
there be any legal defence in pointing out that
he asked for it?
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: BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU GOOD PEOPLE
Yes. A scarf that swear
Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on
them, and they'd love suggestions for new
phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy
them now before they sell the fuck out.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
BTW: Hebtro have also sponsored Fesshole.
Which is nice of them.
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a
box and publish the ones that either make us
laugh or boggle:
* ART - "I got so bored in lockdown I did a
road trip of the UK coastline on Google
Streetview."
* HELP - "One of my colleagues has a really
broad Geordie accent. I've worked with him for
over 10 years, I went to his wedding and I
regularly go to the pub with him. I still have
absolutely no idea what the fuck he's saying."
* FEAR - "I told my wife I have been meeting
friends at the pub every Thursday evening. But
I've actually joined a Warhammer club. I have
a pint on the way home so I smell of beer."
Read and confess on the Twitter account -
links goes to the most popular public
confessions from August.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13080423459806...
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It's a shame that Ian Brown mysteriously went
quiet and never said a thing after that better
than expected first solo LP. Still, by doing so,
he kept his reputation intact.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by others we think is quite good
* WHAT FILM SHOULD YOU WATCH? This is an
interesting way of finding film
recommendations - it flags up other films
mentioned in the reviews. Works far better
than taste-matching algorithms, which tends to
just lead to stuff everyone likes but rarely
loves (ie the imdb top 250).
https://cinetrii.com
* TYPE A BOOK - Learn to type by typing in
entire classic novels. Perfect for snobs who
think audiobooks don't count as having read a
book to be able to feel they have read a book
at an even more advanced level.
https://typelit.io
* MASH-UPS NOSTALGIA - We are now entering a
time when early iPods and mashups are
nostalgic. Not sure if the creator made these
mashups themself, or the songs chosen were so
over-used that this became possible with
pre-existing content.
http://themagicipod.com
* MP LOLS - Lewis McKenzie has put together a
video of all the times Speaker Lindsay Hoyle
has joked about Tory MP Bob Blackman looking
like a pilot during his virtual contributions
since March. Spoiler: It's a lot of times.
https://twitter.com/LewisMcKenzie94/status/1308806...
* FIND OUT ABOUT TRACKING - You know when you
type a tweet and think better of sending it
and don't press tweet? Twitter knows.
https://themarkup.org/blacklight
* COME DICE WITH ME - a printy-out role
playing game where you can pretend you're on
Channel 4 television. Honestly we haven't
actually tried this out as it's three player
at the lowest and we have no friends.
https://kierongillen.itch.io/come-dice-with-me
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A woman who cut off her own hand with a circular
saw in the hope of getting a €1m (£925,000)
insurance payout has been sentenced to two years
in prison. She's stumped why this didn't work.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some free ideas to inspire you to greatness
* How Impulsive Are You? But the whole thing
is misdirection because you think you're being
asked to consider the answers, but really it's
scoring you on the speed.
* Spot the Covidiot. Show an idiotic
conspiracy / antimask tweet, have to click the
right celeb. Right Said Fred, Lee Hurst er..
probably others
* IsTrumpDeadYet? You never know.
Send your balls to the usual address:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Laid Back Movies
Here's the best images from last week:
* JUST ANOTHER COUPLE OF YEARS by monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11326396
* ARTHUR LOWE by collapsibletank
http://b3ta.com/board/11326018
* SMASHING by Ninj
http://b3ta.com/board/11325942
* See all the other images from the 'Laid Back
Movies' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/laidbackmovies
>> This week: Song Spoonerisms <<
Song Spoonerisms - swap letters or sounds
about in song titles for hilarious effect,
like Batch my sick up or Hairway to Steven,
then make up a picture for it.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/songspoonerisms
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B3ta fully support drug testing for employees:
1. Why shouldn't you mix uppers and downers?
2. What's the covid-safe way to share a joint?
3. Any tips on where to buy weed these days?
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
join the patreon so we can afford to buy
sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
