we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "CONGRATULATIONS ON REMEMBERING WHAT EMAIL IS"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* SNAP! Can you tell which pics have "same energy"?
* BILL DRUMMOND - Writes play about Fesshole. Really
* BOT - "I'm A Covidiot, Get Me Out Of Here"

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the Web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta e-e-e-e-email 753 - 2nd Oct 2020

Bark this issue to your dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue753

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making ham for men who don't want it

  * SAME ENERGY SNAP - "I've made a new picture
  quiz", writes Monkeon, "No idea how easy or
  hard it is, but hopefully gives a bit of a
  dopamine buzz when you spot the matches."
  Monkeon is right, this is quite easy but
  somehow it's delightful. We played for a good
  twenty mins.
https://monkeon.co.uk/sameenergysnap/

  * I'M A COVIDIOT, GET ME OUT OF HERE - Matt
  Round has been fantasising about making a new
  viral reality show where “free-thinking”
  celebrities are happily exposed to exciting
  diseases at Porton Down. 
https://twitter.com/ImACovidiot

  * FESSHOLE VS BILL DRUMMOND - Your editor was
  thinking it would be fun to get Bill Drummond
  to forgive the people who've confessed on
  Fesshole - and sent him a speculative email
  via his website and he replied. And what a
  reply.
https://twitter.com/robmanuel/status/1309559419387207681

  * MY MUM - A CARTOON LIFE - merkinhead writes,
  "Buried the old dear yesterday. Thought the
  world deserved to see her talent so I took to
  the Twitter to share her 'toons and her story.
  Hankies at the ready? Enjoy."
https://twitter.com/Jimjar/status/1304021569182797829

-------------------------------------------------

If you shot Martin Fry with a poison arrow would
there be any legal defence in pointing out that
he asked for it?

-------------------------------------------------

: BUY A SWEARY SCARF YOU GOOD PEOPLE
  Yes. A scarf that swear

  Hebtro are now selling scarfs with swearing on
  them, and they'd love suggestions for new
  phrases. Rude and all made in the UK too. Buy
  them now before they sell the fuck out.
  https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/

  BTW: Hebtro have also sponsored Fesshole.
  Which is nice of them.

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols
  
  Each week we ask you to spit your lies into a
  box and publish the ones that either make us
  laugh or boggle:

  * ART - "I got so bored in lockdown I did a
  road trip of the UK coastline on Google
  Streetview."

  * HELP - "One of my colleagues has a really
  broad Geordie accent. I've worked with him for
  over 10 years, I went to his wedding and I
  regularly go to the pub with him. I still have
  absolutely no idea what the fuck he's saying."

  * FEAR - "I told my wife I have been meeting
  friends at the pub every Thursday evening. But
  I've actually joined a Warhammer club. I have
  a pint on the way home so I smell of beer."

  Read and confess on the Twitter account -
  links goes to the most popular public
  confessions from August. 
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1308042345980612609

-------------------------------------------------

It's a shame that Ian Brown mysteriously went
quiet and never said a thing after that better
than expected first solo LP. Still, by doing so,
he kept his reputation intact.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by others we think is quite good
  
  * WHAT FILM SHOULD YOU WATCH? This is an
  interesting way of finding film
  recommendations - it flags up other films
  mentioned in the reviews.  Works far better
  than taste-matching algorithms, which tends to
  just lead to stuff everyone likes but rarely
  loves (ie the imdb top 250).
https://cinetrii.com

  * TYPE A BOOK - Learn to type by typing in
  entire classic novels.  Perfect for snobs who
  think audiobooks don't count as having read a
  book to be able to feel they have read a book
  at an even more advanced level.
https://typelit.io

  * MASH-UPS NOSTALGIA - We are now entering a
  time when early iPods and mashups are
  nostalgic.  Not sure if the creator made these
  mashups themself, or the songs chosen were so
  over-used that this became possible with
  pre-existing content.
http://themagicipod.com

  * MP LOLS - Lewis McKenzie has put together a
  video of all the times Speaker Lindsay Hoyle
  has joked about Tory MP Bob Blackman looking
  like a pilot during his virtual contributions
  since March. Spoiler: It's a lot of times.
https://twitter.com/LewisMcKenzie94/status/1308806925971267590

  * FIND OUT ABOUT TRACKING - You know when you
  type a tweet and think better of sending it
  and don't press tweet? Twitter knows.
https://themarkup.org/blacklight?url=twitter.com

  * COME DICE WITH ME - a printy-out role
  playing game where you can pretend you're on
  Channel 4 television. Honestly we haven't
  actually tried this out as it's three player
  at the lowest and we have no friends.
https://kierongillen.itch.io/come-dice-with-me

-------------------------------------------------

A woman who cut off her own hand with a circular
saw in the hope of getting a €1m (£925,000)
insurance payout has been sentenced to two years
in prison. She's stumped why this didn't work. 

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some free ideas to inspire you to greatness
  
  * How Impulsive Are You? But the whole thing
  is misdirection because you think you're being
  asked to consider the answers, but really it's
  scoring you on the speed.

  * Spot the Covidiot. Show an idiotic
  conspiracy / antimask tweet, have to click the
  right celeb. Right Said Fred, Lee Hurst er..
  probably others

  * IsTrumpDeadYet? You never know.
  
Send your balls to the usual address:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Laid Back Movies

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * JUST ANOTHER COUPLE OF YEARS by monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11326396

  * ARTHUR LOWE by collapsibletank
http://b3ta.com/board/11326018

  * SMASHING by Ninj
http://b3ta.com/board/11325942

  * See all the other images from the 'Laid Back
  Movies' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/laidbackmovies

  >> This week: Song Spoonerisms <<
  Song Spoonerisms - swap letters or sounds
  about in song titles for hilarious effect,
  like Batch my sick up or Hairway to Steven,
  then make up a picture for it.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/songspoonerisms

-------------------------------------------------

B3ta fully support drug testing for employees:
1. Why shouldn't you mix uppers and downers?
2. What's the covid-safe way to share a joint?
3. Any tips on where to buy weed these days?

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
  join the patreon so we can afford to buy
  sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
  gang. Buy their scarves. Link at the top.
http://patreon.com/b3ta


next issue »
« previous issue