NEWSLETTER: "I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU DOWN A WELL"
This Week:
* QUIZ - How much of a flag nonce are you?
* ANIMALS - Are they bastards?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Extends a name
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the collective internet
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| toilet... together"
B3ta electrical-e-mail 758 - 9th Feb 2021
Read this issue with trousers around your wankles:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue758
-------------------------------------------------
: WOT B3TA PEOPLE ARE MAKING THIS MONTH
Other than tossing off Tory MPs for Buttcoin
* HOW PATRIOTIC ARE YOU? - Ed Jeffs is asking
you to draw a Union Jack to prove your
commitment to flag noncery. Any score less
than 6 and Priti Patel will deport you.
https://edjefferson.com/howpatrioticareyou/
* MATT ROUND LIBERATES 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' - the
song Happy Birthday has recently fallen out of
copyright so Matt has commissioned various
versions for you to freely use in your work.
What a mensch.
https://vole.wtf/happy-birthday/
* SHARDCORE COLLIDES MEMES - you probably
didn't want to hear Bernie Sanders do sea
shanties but here we go.
https://b3ta.com/links/when_memes_collide
-------------------------------------------------
The Moon. Short for Theodore Moon.
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, fessed up for worthless likes
Every day we read your confessions about your
tawdry lives and tweet out the ones that make
us giggle or gasp.
* CRYING - "I do a scarily realistic
impression of a crying baby. Do it at random
times in the house. Neighbours ask how the
baby is, didn't know we were expecting/having
etc. I pull a concerned face and explain to
them there is no baby, but the people living
here before us had one that died."
* ALEXA - "My brother lives in same street as
me. He was showing off how hi tech his Xmas
lights are by being wired to his Alexa. When
he goes out, I shout through his letter box to
turn them on or off. He has sent 2 plugs back
so far."
* DRUGS - "I train & handle drug sniffer dogs
for the Navy. Once spent several days turning
over a battleship from top to bottom after the
dog kept giving clear sign. Truth is I'd
realised a couple of hours in I'd brought the
explosives dog by mistake but it'd gone too
far by then."
Don't follow this bullshit. Please. Just stop.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
-------------------------------------------------
You know what that OK feeling is? It's not
having to know exactly how mad or angry Trump is
at every minute of the day.
-------------------------------------------------
: BUY SOME BRITISH MADE JEANS
Yes you, you scruffy oik
Hebtro are ok in our book as they support our
projects like Fesshole and B3ta - do make sure
you buy their products. Thanks.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
-------------------------------------------------
Bananarama, Phil Collins, Tony Hadley and Status
Quo singing "Nobody Does It Better" for charity.
Call it Bond Aid.
-------------------------------------------------
: NOT MADE BY B3TANS
But ok anyway
* ANIMAL BASTARDS - do you think these animals
are bastards or not? What if you know the
facts? Yep, they're all bastards. Even the
fluffy ones.
https://animalbastards.com/
* DATA TRACKING CLOTHING - man tracks every
bit of clothing he buys for three years to
work out what's the best value in terms of
wears vs price. The too long didn't read is
that you get what you pay for.
https://reaktor.com/blog/why-ive-tracked-every-sin...
* CRAP ZX GAMES COMPO - The Sinclair Crap
Games Competition is always a January
highlight (apart from last year when it not
appearing was possibly the worst thing to
happen in 2020). We hope 80-year-old Sir
Clive is aware that people are still making
fan games about him driving his C5.
https://connosoft.com/csscgc2020/entries.html
* CHESS PLATFORM GAME - This is a lovely
concept - a mash-up of chess and a platformer.
We got stuck on level 7 and gave up. Much
like life.
https://rob1221.itch.io/chessformer
* JUST SCREAM BABY - you know how there's
nothing to do but scream into the void - well
this site allowed thousands of people to do
that and recorded it all.
https://justscream.baby/listen/new/
* 3D PRINTED RETRO TERMINALS - modern
computers are so boring looking, we ache for
the future as imagined in films like Alien.
https://uri.cat/projects/modern-retro-terminal/
-------------------------------------------------
: ANONYMOUS OPINIONS
Bad opinions, posted
Just checked into our @Anon_Opin account to
work out which opinions got the *most*
replies. Here goes:
1. ANNOYING MUSIC FANS - "No band has ever
produced any album better than their first
two."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1355137381494...
2. IRRITATING COMEDY FANS - "Alan Partridge
superfans are insufferable parrots who drain
the humour out of every situation with their
repetitive mimicry."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1354155910369...
3. WINDING UP GIF FANS - "If a person replies
to a tweet with a gif I assume they're a
fatuous cunt. No point trying to convince me
otherwise. They're just dimmed bulbs."
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1276889291071...
Obviously don't follow this shite either, we
only do it to make the world worse.
https://twitter.com/anon_opin
-------------------------------------------------
When The Cure sang "in a high building there is
so much to do" we always understood it as a
reference to suicide but it's just occurred to
us that Robert Smith might have just enjoyed
riding the lifts up and down.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Extend a name
Take the name of a famous person or a place or
a thing and extend the end into something
else. Like Damon Albarnowl, Leonardo
DiCapriodejaneiro or Henry Cavillage. 70 plus
images so far - do join in you cunts.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/extendaname/popular/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
BONUS TEXT: Biscoff spread. Presumably
invented when some bored person in a
Travelodge chewed up a load of complimentary
biscuits in their mouth, made a pulp and
thought "I could spread this on toast".
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
join the patreon so we can afford to buy
sausages. And a special thanks to the Hebtro
gang. Buy their scarves. Eat sausages. Choose
.gifs.
http://patreon.com/b3ta
