NEWSLETTER: "CAN'T WAIT FOR LOCKDOWN TO END. FIRST THING WE'RE GOING TO DO IS SPEND ALL DAY AT HOME TWEETING."
This Week:
* BUTTYSTICK - Ver 3.0 released you lucky peeps
* SPOOKY TUBE RECORDING - 'The Nothing Line'
* OH GOD - A lockdown song (but kinda ok)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web ...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| socially distanced"
B3ta free-email 760 - 26 Feb 2021
Read this issue to your confused dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue760
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister "unpoisoned" cake
* MORE CRISP SANDWICH PHOTOS - Matt Round
writes "ButtyStock v3 launched, finally
meeting the massive demand for stock
illustrations of crisp sandwiches and letting
people speak their brains about it." He means
there's now comments - so go and empty your
lungs into pure HTML.
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/
* LOCKDOWN SONG - Enriqueponce writes, "We're
having a Bourgeois Lockdown! And we're
wondering if we're going to miss it." This
pretty much matches our experience: B3ta HQ
has done the puppy thing and gone for a fuck
loads of walks.
https://b3ta.com/links/Were_having_a_Bourgeois_Loc...
* THE NOTHING LINE - Your editor writes "I
recorded the sound of an empty Underground
train and it made me feel a bit weird and
spooky." File under: Urban Pandemic Ambient.
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/i-recorde...
* ASHENS MOVIE ON BLURAY - Ashens has been in
touch to say that a window has opened to buy
his movie on BluRay. He's doing short runs so
he doesn't bankrupt himself with stock - so
get in now whilst they are for sale. And this
won't be on Amazon - well the digital version
will be - but not the disk.
http://ashensmovie.com
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: FEZHOLE
Your fezzes, ranked for against the ideal ur-fez
Each week we shit in a bucket and contemplate
our lives and then approve a couple of tawdry
confessions for cheap internet likes. Here's
some that didn't make us not smile this week.
* MISAPPREHENSION - "Until I was about 15
years old, I thought the Ministry of Sound was
a branch of the UK Government."
* CHIMES - "I have been stealing my neighbours
garden wind chimes and I will continue to do
it until they stop buying more. No one needs
clanging and tinkling at 3am."
* WHEELY GOOD FUN - "Sometimes I deliberately
put the wrong wheelie bin out a day early to
confuse the neighbours, my greatest feat is
seeing a whole row of blue Bins out on a black
bin day and then a load of complaints on the
local Facebook group about the council."
Join the 109,400 people who are looking at
this account going "please, can't you just
stop?"
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
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Fact of the day: Gary Barlow is married to one
of the Bombalurina dancers from Timmy Mallet's
Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by non-b3tans. The talented bastards.
* SHORT SCI-FI STORY - imagining a plausible
future world where minds can be scanned,
booted-up in hardware, and the absolute
nightmare that's going to be. Sweet dreams.
https://qntm.org/mmacevedo
* WHAT GRADES CAN AI GET IN COLLEGE? - We all
know AI-everything is coming but how good is
now? Yep, it can get grade C in exams. We're
all utterly fucked.
https://www.eduref.net/features/what-grades-can-ai...
* HE SHOOTS, HE DOESN'T SCORE - text chats of
men hoping to get it on and missing. Don't
worry guys - the secret is... always wear
skidmarked pants. Sod's law will kick in and
sexy-time is guaranteed.
https://www.instagram.com/downbadpatrol/
* TV'S BOTTOM, NOW IN MINIATURE - who doesn't
want Richie & Eddie's Hammersmith pomme de
terre made tiny? Lovely detail.
https://instagram.com/minibottomflat/
* MAKE AN ICEBERG, WATCH IT FLOAT - making a
point that icebergs are often drawn in
diagrams in unstable orientations. But
somehow, such fun.
https://joshdata.me/iceberger.html
* MOON SOFT - Long lecture (1hr+) on the
software and hardware that got people to the
moon and yet it flies by. You will never claim
that your calculator is more powerful again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: BUY SOME BRITISH MADE 'ACTION BLANKETS'
Yes you, you sexy b3tan with nice shoulders
Action blankets are basically blankets with
holes in them for your head. What 'action' you
do in them is up to you, but we've mosting
been sobbing. It's ideal as lube. Please buy
some so Hebtro continues to support B3ta and
Fesshole with their cash.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/action-blankets...
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There are two types of people who get to see
dogs sucking themselves off a lot: weird
internet perverts and people who own dogs.
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: FRIDAY GAME
How much are these celebs worth for voice mail?
Guess which fading celebrities are hawking
themselves for the most money on Cameo. The
game engine seems a bit over-designed, as I'd
personally rather have a fast-moving
single-click version. Obviously designed by a
coder.
https://kinda.fun/cameo
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
This week: Dinosaur Internet
What if Dinosaurs had the internet? Show us
how T-Rex and all his mates would get on with
Jurassic Spotify, Facebook and online
shopping.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/dinosaurinternet/popular
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Free ideas for your idea brains
* ONE INBOX - how the fuck is anyone meant to
cope with messages on about 15 different
networks? Give us one place please.
* PAY PEOPLE NOT TO TWEET - probably a better
business idea than paying for tweets.
* REVERSE TV SHOWS - Someone should make the
inverse of the show where Tories learn how to
do stand up, and instead get a load of Tory
MPs teach comedians how to lobby government,
fix elections and take bribes.
Throw some dead kittens in the bag:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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Science can put people on the moon and let no
one has designed a glass microwave plate that
fits easily and doesn't end up making a dull
clunk as it rotates unless you're super fucking
careful and position it like a microsurgeon
every time.
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
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EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
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Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. Please
join the patreon so we can afford to buy
sausages. And a special sexy thanks to the
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