NEWSLETTER: "MONOBROWS IMPLY THE EXISTENCE OF STEREOBROWS"
This Week:
* SURVEY - Did you have imaginary friends?
* NIRVANA - their "music" now improved
* KUBRICK - Now for kids
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the receipts
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to claim back expenses for
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| reading your bad tweets"
B3ta electronic e-email 763 - 19 Mar 2021
Read this issue mouthing "why tho?"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue763
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making toe-jam in their toes
* IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - Matt Round is
doing a survey on imaginary friends and wants
to know about yours. The plan is, once he
knows all about them, he can stick them into
their own social network where they can live
forever.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdGNx4gEr...
* STOCK VIDEO JAMES BOND - Dogfood has been
trying to make a James Bond movie from stock
footage.
http://b3ta.com/links/1562653
* DOUBLE BUBBLE TROUBLE - Jaymeekae writes,
"My online app connects strangers for a moment
to play with bubbles together." Hopefully this
is not a front for a nonce club.
https://in.bimble.space/flock
-------------------------------------------------
Waiter: How would sir like his bison steak cooked?
Malcolm McLaren. Buffalo grills. Brown the outside, brown the outside.
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your confessions turned into useless likes
* SEX - "My wife and I have an open
relationship, had a few fun dates but now I
just use the time every other week to play
dungeons and dragons with some friends."
* LOVE - "My boyfriend wants us to move in
together when lockdown ends. But he's gluten
intolerant and won't have bread at home.
Pretty sure I love toast more."
* AND THEN THE ROYAL MAIL - "I'm a postman,
and I hate delivering all of your non
essential shit. Do you really need all those
clothes? All those shitty ornaments? Trainers?
To go where exactly? The front room? You thick
fucks. Stop it. Potentially risking our lives
to deliver you crap. I hate you all."
How many fuckers follow this now? About
119,000, almost exactly the population of
Tunbridge Wells, and just as committed to the
green ink. Link goes to the best of February
2021, so worth a click if you're a grandad
with a mouse, or a tap if you're a modern
person with a "thumb".
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/13714948766810...
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BEEF
Stuff made by other wankers. "Them" if you will
* NIRVANA REPLUGGED - Joel3sixty writes, "Just
found out a friend of mine gets acapella
versions of songs and then re-records the
music - this one is brilliant and deserves a
bigger audience." Actually this is quite
amusing and very open to doing more.
https://m.youtube.com/watch
* ZOOM MEETING DISRUPTOR - Loading his
Emulator II up with samples of coughs and
sneezes worked for Ferris Bueller. Now you can
get out of Zoom meetings by also using a
library of sound effects. Because more free
time with nothing to do is what everyone wants
right now.
https://zoomescaper.com
* DOES YOUR APP WORK FOR SOMEONE ON DRUGS? -
No idea if this offer is genuine, but they
make a good point about usability that Jakob
Nielsen is clearly too massive a square to
ever have considered.
http://highqaguy.com
* KUBRICK FOR KIDS - ArcOnInternet discovered
this lovely kids' book in their archive
rambles. The idea of explaining enigmatic
films in such a way that kids can understand
them is actually a really good idea. Twin
Peaks: The Return next please.
https://archive.org/details/2001_A_Space_Odyssey_K...
* CALCULATING PI WITH A TWITTER POLL - by
asking people to shut their eyes and poke the
screen.
https://twitter.com/jasonshiga/status/137118428325...
* RANDOMISED SPACESHIP GENERATOR - in case you
need a random spaceship. (We'd like a button
to blow them up with lasers please.)
https://ship.shapewright.com/
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Same Director vs Advert Mash
The 'Same Director' challenge was brilliantly
dominated by Dr Dunno:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/samedirector/popular
And this week we're asking you to take a
famous slogan or mascot from one ad campaign
and apply it to another product. Lets mash up
adverts!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/advertmash/popular
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Yes, buy those sweary scarves
Ah it's time to write some copy to sell some
scarves, please buy some scarves ok? They've
got swear words on them and if you buy them,
B3ta lives to see another day coz the whole
weird enterprise makes a few quid and we can
justify spending so much time on it nearly 20
years after we mistakenly thought it up.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
-------------------------------------------------
: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next
* MORE TINY CHESS - Matt Round writes, "If you
need more for newsletter, bloke who did the
chess engine used in Kilobyte's Gambit has now
used the same graphics to make a real DOS game
that runs on ancient PCs." Holy mother of
fuck, we're not bothering to download this but
we're glad that he bothered.
https://nanochess.org/chess7.html
* CLICKBAIT ROBOT, BACK BACK BACK - Your b3ta
editor has brought his headline mashing bot
back from the dead and... it's still pumping
out stuff about Brexit and Theresa May as he
hasn't really updated the templates.
https://clickbaitrobot.tumblr.com/
* MICROCONTROLLER DUDE - MattCarr writes,
"Hey - if you liked my Ocelot console project
from B3ta email 677 (11 May 2018), I've just
finished another microcontroller project
called Game Raccoon. It's all about trying to
design a new Sega flashcart from scratch, with
a complete 'making-of' going from sketches on
paper to manufacturing in China and writing
the built-in software and trying out Sonic
hacks."
https://www.mrdictionary.net/gameraccoon/
-------------------------------------------------
: DEAR UNCLE B3TA
Readers' Letters
* LOOK-A-LIKES - matthewwilliamsimpson writes,
"Way back in 2018, I asked if you thought like
me, Alan Davies looks like Belgian singer
Johan Verminnen. Thanks for giving me a
mention! I wonder if you also think that Jamie
Laing looks like athlete Eliott Crestan?"
Sorry, haven't heard of either of them and
there is no technology on earth that will
allow us to find out.
* WHITE CHRISTMAS - Peteharmanuk writes, "I
remember a flash animation you had featured of
'the snowman' only it was called The Semen and
the lyrics went along the lines of "I'm
wanking in your haaaiiir'." Nope. Never heard
of it. Stop emailing us.
If you've got a question we can shrug at, post
it to B3ta, c/o Notes & Queries, The Guardian.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Three, free ideas for inspiration
* SWEARING KIDS - If you ever want to make
some easy amusing content - point your phone
at a four-year-old and ask them to list all
the swears they know. Rarely fails to amuse.
* AM I THE ASSHOLE? An app that’s just loads
of photos of Boris Johnson and then one every
hundred photo it is a close-up of a wrinkly
sphincter. Tap yes for points.
* WHAT PERCENT FLAG NONCE ARE YOU? Just idly
thinking what we would be making if UsVsTh3m
was still a thing and you know we would have
probably made it.
Go on, make some stuff, you lazy twats:.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost sexually.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round. Plus
David Stevenson on proofing the pudding.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
hate it.)
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
