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NEWSLETTER: "HOUSES ARE BITCOIN FOR BOOMERS"

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This Week:
* BAD TASTE - Fred & Rose board game (sorry)
* SCIENCE - Can you play Doom on crabs?
* CHALLENGE - Flaaaagggsss!

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___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  the web without even
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   CTRL S... together"

B3ta web log post 764 - 26 Mar 2021

Read this issue whilst cursing your own shoes:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue764

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than flicking their beanz.com 

  * FRED AND ROSE THE BOARD GAME - rickstrong1
  writes, "Hi. I made this board game about Fred
  and Rose West - "Fred & Rose in Double
  Trouble". I think it works but as I'm in
  isolation under lockdown, I haven't been able
  to playtest it." Ok this is in terrible taste
  and we're only linking to it as a warning that
  we don't approve. However, if you DO play it,
  do send us a follow-up telling us how it went.
https://makeyourselfuncomfortable.wordpress.com/2020/04/12/fred-rose-in-double-trouble/

  * SUEZ BOAT GAME - Ed Jeffs has taken the big
  story of the moment and turned it into viral
  gold. Yes, that's a 100% accurate write-up.
https://edjefferson.com/boat/

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Bond should be called double-zero seven

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: FESSHOLE
  Digital priests waiting for your call 24/7

  Each week we read your confessions and turn
  them into hyperlinked content. This is what
  the Catholics should do - they're missing a
  trick. Or stick the Shroud of Turin on an NFT.

  * EUPHEMISM - "I once had to explain at
  distressing length to an older female
  co-worker, in front of the office, that I did
  not in fact have kids I needed to drop off at
  the pool."

  * EDMONDS IS RIGHT - "Once met Noel Edmonds
  and told him Mr Blobby was the worst thing
  ever let loose on the world. He told me I was
  a miserable bastard."

  * DOESN'T EVERYONE DO THIS? "Everytime I see
  Aloe vera, I say 'Hello Vera' in an old
  woman's voice as if I've just bumped into my
  friend Vera."

  Join the 121,322 people who should have their
  hard drives checked by the authorities:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

  BTW: Here's a bonus fess because it's so
  wholesome: "I trained as a teacher coz my
  salary has never been much over min wage. I
  only wanted the money, thought I'd be shit at
  it, but survive for a few years before being
  found out. More fool me, the last 2 years have
  been the best of my life, love the kids, and I
  am doing really well."

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: SITES IN BRIEF & ONION SOUP
  Stuff made by other twats on the internet.com
 
  * LOGO QUIZ - A surprisingly tricky logo quiz
  - can you tell which tech logo is the real
  one, and which has been tweaked?  Does b3ta's
  bear have his ears on the top or on the side
  of his head?
https://logoquiz.fun

  * HOW MANY CRABS DOES IT TAKE TO PLAY DOOM? So
  apparently crab behaviour is predictable
  enough that you can use them to build a logic
  gate. All computers are based upon logic gates
  therefore it's conceptually possible to run
  Doom on crabs. But how many? 
https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1374088629224579075

  * THE HI-DE-HI CONTENT YOU'VE WAITED 40 YEARS
  FOR - An enjoyable deep dive into the Hi-De-Hi
  title sequence, revealing the gentle sit-com
  contained some surprisingly dark stock
  footage.
http://dirtyfeed.org/2021/03/talking-stock-hi-de-his-opening-titles/

  * FONT GAME - someone has written an entire
  game inside a font. If you want to understand
  how it works you'd better go and talk to Matt
  Round because he understands this stuff. We
  should have asked him actually - bugger.
https://coderelay.io/fontemon.html#player

  * A META GAME ABOUT GDPR/COOKIE CONSENT POPUPS
  - How fast can you change your settings to not
  accept any cookies?  We assume this is based
  on what happens if you try and turn off
  consent, anyway, as we tend to just click okay
  without reading the details the B3ta
  newsletter is now probably married to Jeff
  Bezos.
https://cookieconsentspeed.run

  * MORE KLF OUT - yeah this is just a KLF fan
  newsletter these days but Solid State Logic 2
  is out on streaming, which is largely 12"
  mixes and curios. There's also a HD transfer
  of Kylie Said To Jason on YouTube which is
  great but seeing Bill's pores all close up
  does maybe suggest a reason the kids didn't go
  for it in 1989. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHbUum0CVbI

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The title of Hall and Oates' 1982 LP H2O implies
a ratio of two Halls atoms to one Oates atoms,
and yet if you check the track-listing, Hall
sings nine songs to Oates' two, suggesting the
correct title would be closer to H5O & they also
could have done the theme to Hawaii Five-O.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Flaaaaags

  Flags, one word challenge. Redesign them, rub
  up against them or stick them where they don't
  belong.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/flaaaaags/popular

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Stevie Wonder - much loved singer & musician 
Steve Wonder - Midlands based mobile DJ
Steven Wonder - late period Bucks Fizz member
Stephen Wonder - Javascript dev who blogs too much
Stephenie Wonder - Alan Sugar's PA (1983-87)
Esteban Wonder - Morrissey's live-in pool boy

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Yes, buy those sweary scarves

  Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
  Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
  swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
  make you so attractive to the people you want
  to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
  offers.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/

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: DEAR UNCLE B3TA
  Readers' Letters
  
  * FRIENDS - Worcester Dan writes, "Matt
  Round's imaginary friends project, reminds me
  of a conversation in the office from a few
  years back. Talking about imaginary friends a
  colleague who will remain nameless says and I
  quote 'I always wanted imaginary friends but I
  couldn't imagine any' this still makes me
  laugh 2 years later." Didn't make us laugh Dan
  but maybe our readers have lower standards.

  * CHIPS - AmishIS writes, "Several years ago,
  you kindly acted on my suggestion to dedicate
  newsletter 555 to Hans Camenzind, designer of
  the iconic 555 timer chip. I notice you're now
  two newsletters away from newsletter 741 - and
  the 741 op-amp is an equally iconic and
  venerable chip, familiar to geeks everywhere.
  So, may I plead for a dedication to Dave
  Fullagar?" Sorry mate, lost this email down
  the back of the sofa so missed this one.

  * RUDE - Uklocksport writes, "The GPS location
  app what3words provides hours of fun for the
  family. All these are valid:
  ///always.touching.myself
  ///massive.stiff.nips ///really.dangly.bits
  ///sticky.wizard.sleeve ///warm.otter.pockets
  ///between.soapy.jugs ///taking.large.dumps
  ///massive.saggy.hooter ///doing.dodgy.stuff"
  - Nice to have a hobby mate.

  If you've got a letter for our trained b3ta
  staff to throw in the bin, then fish it out
  again coz we want some easy content - get in
  touch.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: COMING SOON
  Longwave 2.0 - Silicon Trip

  Friends fear the b3ta editor has been making
  concept albums again. Nothing to hear yet,
  just a couple of teaser images:
https://twitter.com/l_o_n_g_w_a_v_e/status/1373977788173189124

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free ideas to inspire you

  * JENGA TV SHOW - Once played it for money
  with a friend, the first game was to win £1,
  then £2, and £4 etc. We quit when it got to
  about £32 riding on on a single brick.
  Honestly one of the most exciting gaming
  experiences we've ever had.

  * FLAG SHAGGERS, THE MOVIE - If we're read by
  anyone in the porn industry - then please put
  Flag Shaggers into production. We'll even toss
  off a script if you ask nicely.

  * DEAD CAT GENERATOR - HappyToast suggests, "A
  random MP/Insane distraction generator. Grab
  all the parliamentary MP photos and combine
  them with pints of milk, boxes painted like
  buses, dead cats etc. Could work as a clicky
  app or a twitter bot."

  Go on, make some stuff, you lazy cunts:  
https://b3ta.com/mailus/ 

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost sexually.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
  other.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
  Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
  Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
  Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
  further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
  James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
  Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
  Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
  please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
  shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
  hate it.)
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta




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