NEWSLETTER: "HOUSES ARE BITCOIN FOR BOOMERS"
This Week:
* BAD TASTE - Fred & Rose board game (sorry)
* SCIENCE - Can you play Doom on crabs?
* CHALLENGE - Flaaaagggsss!
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're auto-saving
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web without even
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| CTRL S... together"
B3ta web log post 764 - 26 Mar 2021
Read this issue whilst cursing your own shoes:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue764
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than flicking their beanz.com
* FRED AND ROSE THE BOARD GAME - rickstrong1
writes, "Hi. I made this board game about Fred
and Rose West - "Fred & Rose in Double
Trouble". I think it works but as I'm in
isolation under lockdown, I haven't been able
to playtest it." Ok this is in terrible taste
and we're only linking to it as a warning that
we don't approve. However, if you DO play it,
do send us a follow-up telling us how it went.
https://makeyourselfuncomfortable.wordpress.com/20...
* SUEZ BOAT GAME - Ed Jeffs has taken the big
story of the moment and turned it into viral
gold. Yes, that's a 100% accurate write-up.
https://edjefferson.com/boat/
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Bond should be called double-zero seven
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: FESSHOLE
Digital priests waiting for your call 24/7
Each week we read your confessions and turn
them into hyperlinked content. This is what
the Catholics should do - they're missing a
trick. Or stick the Shroud of Turin on an NFT.
* EUPHEMISM - "I once had to explain at
distressing length to an older female
co-worker, in front of the office, that I did
not in fact have kids I needed to drop off at
the pool."
* EDMONDS IS RIGHT - "Once met Noel Edmonds
and told him Mr Blobby was the worst thing
ever let loose on the world. He told me I was
a miserable bastard."
* DOESN'T EVERYONE DO THIS? "Everytime I see
Aloe vera, I say 'Hello Vera' in an old
woman's voice as if I've just bumped into my
friend Vera."
Join the 121,322 people who should have their
hard drives checked by the authorities:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
BTW: Here's a bonus fess because it's so
wholesome: "I trained as a teacher coz my
salary has never been much over min wage. I
only wanted the money, thought I'd be shit at
it, but survive for a few years before being
found out. More fool me, the last 2 years have
been the best of my life, love the kids, and I
am doing really well."
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: SITES IN BRIEF & ONION SOUP
Stuff made by other twats on the internet.com
* LOGO QUIZ - A surprisingly tricky logo quiz
- can you tell which tech logo is the real
one, and which has been tweaked? Does b3ta's
bear have his ears on the top or on the side
of his head?
https://logoquiz.fun
* HOW MANY CRABS DOES IT TAKE TO PLAY DOOM? So
apparently crab behaviour is predictable
enough that you can use them to build a logic
gate. All computers are based upon logic gates
therefore it's conceptually possible to run
Doom on crabs. But how many?
https://twitter.com/Foone/status/13740886292245790...
* THE HI-DE-HI CONTENT YOU'VE WAITED 40 YEARS
FOR - An enjoyable deep dive into the Hi-De-Hi
title sequence, revealing the gentle sit-com
contained some surprisingly dark stock
footage.
http://dirtyfeed.org/2021/03/talking-stock-hi-de-h...
* FONT GAME - someone has written an entire
game inside a font. If you want to understand
how it works you'd better go and talk to Matt
Round because he understands this stuff. We
should have asked him actually - bugger.
https://coderelay.io/fontemon.html#player
* A META GAME ABOUT GDPR/COOKIE CONSENT POPUPS
- How fast can you change your settings to not
accept any cookies? We assume this is based
on what happens if you try and turn off
consent, anyway, as we tend to just click okay
without reading the details the B3ta
newsletter is now probably married to Jeff
Bezos.
https://cookieconsentspeed.run
* MORE KLF OUT - yeah this is just a KLF fan
newsletter these days but Solid State Logic 2
is out on streaming, which is largely 12"
mixes and curios. There's also a HD transfer
of Kylie Said To Jason on YouTube which is
great but seeing Bill's pores all close up
does maybe suggest a reason the kids didn't go
for it in 1989.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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The title of Hall and Oates' 1982 LP H2O implies
a ratio of two Halls atoms to one Oates atoms,
and yet if you check the track-listing, Hall
sings nine songs to Oates' two, suggesting the
correct title would be closer to H5O & they also
could have done the theme to Hawaii Five-O.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Flaaaaags
Flags, one word challenge. Redesign them, rub
up against them or stick them where they don't
belong.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/flaaaaags/popular
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Stevie Wonder - much loved singer & musician
Steve Wonder - Midlands based mobile DJ
Steven Wonder - late period Bucks Fizz member
Stephen Wonder - Javascript dev who blogs too much
Stephenie Wonder - Alan Sugar's PA (1983-87)
Esteban Wonder - Morrissey's live-in pool boy
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Yes, buy those sweary scarves
Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
make you so attractive to the people you want
to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
offers.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
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: DEAR UNCLE B3TA
Readers' Letters
* FRIENDS - Worcester Dan writes, "Matt
Round's imaginary friends project, reminds me
of a conversation in the office from a few
years back. Talking about imaginary friends a
colleague who will remain nameless says and I
quote 'I always wanted imaginary friends but I
couldn't imagine any' this still makes me
laugh 2 years later." Didn't make us laugh Dan
but maybe our readers have lower standards.
* CHIPS - AmishIS writes, "Several years ago,
you kindly acted on my suggestion to dedicate
newsletter 555 to Hans Camenzind, designer of
the iconic 555 timer chip. I notice you're now
two newsletters away from newsletter 741 - and
the 741 op-amp is an equally iconic and
venerable chip, familiar to geeks everywhere.
So, may I plead for a dedication to Dave
Fullagar?" Sorry mate, lost this email down
the back of the sofa so missed this one.
* RUDE - Uklocksport writes, "The GPS location
app what3words provides hours of fun for the
family. All these are valid:
///always.touching.myself
///massive.stiff.nips ///really.dangly.bits
///sticky.wizard.sleeve ///warm.otter.pockets
///between.soapy.jugs ///taking.large.dumps
///massive.saggy.hooter ///doing.dodgy.stuff"
- Nice to have a hobby mate.
If you've got a letter for our trained b3ta
staff to throw in the bin, then fish it out
again coz we want some easy content - get in
touch.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: COMING SOON
Longwave 2.0 - Silicon Trip
Friends fear the b3ta editor has been making
concept albums again. Nothing to hear yet,
just a couple of teaser images:
https://twitter.com/l_o_n_g_w_a_v_e/status/1373977...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas to inspire you
* JENGA TV SHOW - Once played it for money
with a friend, the first game was to win £1,
then £2, and £4 etc. We quit when it got to
about £32 riding on on a single brick.
Honestly one of the most exciting gaming
experiences we've ever had.
* FLAG SHAGGERS, THE MOVIE - If we're read by
anyone in the porn industry - then please put
Flag Shaggers into production. We'll even toss
off a script if you ask nicely.
* DEAD CAT GENERATOR - HappyToast suggests, "A
random MP/Insane distraction generator. Grab
all the parliamentary MP photos and combine
them with pints of milk, boxes painted like
buses, dead cats etc. Could work as a clicky
app or a twitter bot."
Go on, make some stuff, you lazy cunts:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost sexually.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
other.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
hate it.)
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
