NEWSLETTER: "YOU WON'T SPOT A SINGLE UNION JACK IN ANY OF THESE LINKS"
This Week:
* IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - at last
* BRIAN SEWELL SOUNDBOARD - Rebooted for the 2020s
* FREDDO - The biggest ever? Maybe
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | to send off for a free
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| badge ... together"
B3ta fax-o-tron 765 - 02 Apr 2021
Read this issue in the language of "woof":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue765
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than shitting themselves
* IMAGINARY FRIENDS REUNITED - Matt Round
writes, "I asked people about their childhood
imaginary friends then brought them back in
their own social network, including the weird
& creepy ones..." As we published the call for
content in this very newsletter, these are
YOUR imaginary friends - and see if you can
spot ours?
https://vole.wtf/imaginary-friends/
And as a bonus from Matt - he's also been
building the world's biggest Freddo chocolate
bar. Well we say it's the biggest but we
didn't check.
https://twitter.com/VOLEwtf/status/137759169313913...
* MORE COWBELL THAN YOU COULD EVER WANT -
Jonty Wareing writes, "This week I discovered
ultimatecowbell.com, a listing of every known
song featuring cowbells. So obviously I
converted it into a 204 hour Spotify
playlist."
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2hGZ9IEmDJ6jdia4...
* BRIAN SEWELL NEWS - secretbatcave writes, "I
have ported the first Brian Sewell soundboard
from its sad mortal flash husk and commuted it
to HTML 5 (or JavaScript, or something equally
horrid). This means one can use it on your
phone or tablet, like a modern person."
https://secretbatcave.co.uk/sewell/
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
The confessions won't stop. Please stop.
Each week we ask you to confess your sins to
our cyber priests who definitely don't touch
up the kids. Our favs this week:
* BISCUITS - "My wife and I have been keeping
a secret stash of biscuits hidden from our
children. What she doesn't know is I have a
double secret stash of even better biscuits
all for me."
* APPLES - "I eat an apple every morning..I
then put the core on top of the drivers side
windscreen wiper and wait for idiots who drive
up my arse to overtake me .. as they do I
activate the aforementioned wipers in the hope
of hitting the prick overtaking me .. I have a
success rate of 76%"
* FARTS - "I run a lot, up to 50 or 60 miles a
week, and take it pretty seriously...but
whenever I fart on a run I still pretend it's
like a Knight Rider style turbo boost and put
on a little sprint. I am 45 this year."
Join the 122,289 people who should know
better:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Or alternatively read the anon_opin one which
is less popular for follows, but creates more
arguments in the replies.
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/
-------------------------------------------------
Make your own 'Elvis Costello name' by mixing
the first name of a famous musician, who is
identifiable by that name alone, with last name
of a comedian, who again is clearly identifiable
by that alone:
Beyonce Seinfeld
Shakira Izzard
Sade Gervais
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by people we are "othering"
* CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS YET? A medley of
Prodigy tracks played *absolutely
convincingly* on Stylophones is the content
you didn't know you needed in your life
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* HIDDEN GAME MESSAGES - Enjoying this
account. The messages from devs that you can
find from looking through the source or
binaries of old games.
https://twitter.com/devmsg_txt/
* REDDIT'S SECOND - try to guess the
second-most voted picture, or wait to see vote
counts for fewer points
https://new.reddit.com/r/Second/
* DUCKPOND MAP - This site is creating a
global database of duckponds. As someone who
used to go and sit at the duckpond if my mum
had been nagging and I wanted to delay getting
home from the shop, I appreciate the
sentiment.
https://sickofthis.xyz
* NO, YOU DO WANT TO READ THIS SHORT STORY
ACTUALLY - "My milkman was in The Fall. He
played on Hex Enduction Hour. If you catch him
on a quiet morning, he’ll reminisce about
recording ‘Hip Priest’. The postman was also
in The Fall, around the time of Cerebral
Caustic. I was never in The Fall."
https://reflexfiction.com/i-was-never-in-the-fall-...
* SKIP INTRO, SAVED - The Web Design museum
are collecting flash intros to film websites,
should you want to remember what the Memento
site looked like in order to tattoo it on your
leg so you never forget again.
https://youtube.com/playlist
-------------------------------------------------
: FRIDAY GAME
Attack on Suez Canal
It's been good to see a lot of people building
Suez Canal stupid web shit this week. Most
stopped making sense the moment the boat was
free, but this one still works. Can you do
better than Captain Evergreen? Best with sound
off to avoid the scream.
https://attackonsuezcanal.com
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
This week: Flags
Flags, one word challenge. Redesign them, rub
up against them or stick them where they don't
belong.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/flaaaaags/popular/
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Yes, buy those sweary scarves
Do you have a cold neck and love swearing?
Thank fuck Hebtroco are here to sell you
swearing scarves. WARNING: Wearing these might
make you so attractive to the people you want
to bang that you might be overwhelmed in sex
offers.
https://hebtro.co/product/sweary-scarf/
-------------------------------------------------
: DEAR UNCLE B3TA
Readers' Letters
* B3TA CAUSED COVID - Nick Prou writes, "On
1st December 2019 the first known COVID-19
patient started having symptoms. It's likely
that the disease actually emerged slightly
earlier than that, in mid-November perhaps. On
16th November 2019, the B3ta newsletter 733
was titled 'I hope this email finds you ill'.
Well I hope you're happy." Well we weren't but
we are now.
* APOCALYPSE - eric.van.lit writes, "Hello,
Long time reader here. I really miss your
'signs of the apocalypse' feature in the
newsletter. Can you bring it back? Or are
there no signs anymore? Even worse, has the
apocalypse already come and I did not
notice??" Yeah, look out the window mate.
* FOOD TIPS - bogeypie writes, "Have you
tried a banana and ham toasted sandwich? Now
banana is ok and ham is ok, toasted they are
still both ok. But put them together in a
sandwich and put that in your breville and
heaven comes out. The mixture of ham,
saltyness and sweetness and gooeyness all
mixed together is just fantastic."
Send us your missive:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas to inspire you
* OLD SONGS UPDATED - Ed Sheeran should update
Pinball Wizard and call it Minecraft Wizard to
make us hate everything that is good in the
world
* CAPSLOCK 2.0 - Capslock is largely useless.
It should be changed in the operating system
so that it toggles the CASE of the text you've
CURRENTLY SELECTED.
* NANOBOTS THAT CAN SCRATCH OUR BACKS - coz
it's permanently itchy.
Go on, make some stuff, you lazy shits:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
We've read a list of popular names for boys and
the following shortenings are acceptable:
Leonardo - Nardo
Damian - Ian
Jacob - Cob
Sebastian - Stain
Samuel - Mule
Wyatt - Yacht
Joshua - Shoe
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost sexually.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
other.
BTW: You're not a true Londoner until you've
fought the chief raven at the Tower and he has
said, "My liege you've fought well" and offers
a wing and bows.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Mark (Mavis), Joshua Rackstraw,
Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri Bionic, Chris
Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris Smith, Daniel
Malbon, James Heaver and Phil Lovell. And
further thanks to newer ones: Ben Oliver,
James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss, Lindsay
Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards, Dave
Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and do
please donate as you get bonus content (Rob
shouting into his audio recorder, yes YOU will
hate it.)
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
