NEWSLETTER: "PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR CREDIT CARD DETAILS WITH DOMINIC CUMMINGS' ONLYFANS"
This Week:
* QUIZ - the Jet Set Willy Geoguesser game
* THE WURZELS - Singing Tears For Fears
* HORROR GAME CHALLENGE - the results
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | metaverse with terrible
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content... together"
B3ta fax-o-tronic email 795 - 12 Nov 2021
Read this issues wearing your Quest 2 & wanking:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue795
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making toe jam and selling it Oxfam
* JET SET WILLY GEOGUESSER - Monkeon has got
round to making one of suggestions: "Whilst I
did initially go for the approach of writing
alternative names for each room, I decided to
use a map instead because I realised that the
brilliance of the original is in giving most
rooms normal names so that when you get a
bonkers one, it's like one of those viral
RightMove properties where there's something
weird and unexpected in picture three. There
aren't as many nutty rooms as you remember.
Jet Set Willy 2 isn't as good because it has
too many of them and so they are less of a
surprise."
https://monkeon.co.uk/jetsetwillygeoguesser/
* BABY DINOSAURS - Si Bennett has made a video
featuring baby dinosaurs for any B3tans with
small kids.
https://b3ta.com/links/baby_dinosaurs
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Thanks for sponsoring us, lovely peeps at Hebtro
Jesus wept it's November already and have you
sorted out any presents for the men in your
life for Christmas? You don't want to be stuck
on the 24th of December rushing around John
Lewis and buying any old crap. Order that dude
some durable jeans or a comfy jumper now, ok?
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: FESSHOLE
Imagine if the church sold souls as NFTs
Each week you confess some bollocks and we
share them for internet likes:
* BRITBOX DOES SQUID GAME - "When I was little
I used to think it was compulsory to go on
Blankety Blank as a contestant. I thought it
was like jury service and I would lie awake at
night worrying about being called up."
* PSYCHOPATH - "Someone on Twitter annoyed me
so I found their address and arranged for a
free second-hand sofa to be left on their
driveway."
* RELATABLE - "My ex-girlfriend, who I am
still in love with, looked like Michael
Bolton. Every time I hear one of his songs, I
get an involuntary erection."
If this is your bag then join in at the
Twitter account, which now has 197,000
followers which is more than Simon Le Bon, the
only metric we measure against.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEFS, SEXY SEXY BRIEFS
Stuff made by other people who we're jealous of
* JURASSIC PURR-K - editing cats into
Spielberg's finest for your entertainment
lols.
https://b3ta.com/links/Another_Owl_Kitty
* WURZELS SING TEARS FOR FEARS' SEEDS OF LOVE
- this is amusing and, er, really well sung.
The last great TFF single before they blew it
with the white soul jazz tedious crap of the
rest of the third LP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* RANDOM CLASSICAL - The serendipity of a
random button is always better than the
creepiness of an algorithm, so why not watch a
random classical performance from the safety
of your house where you won't feel judged for
not dressing up to be in the audience.
https://roulette.alternativeclassical.co.uk
* SCARY CAVING THREAD - so you fancy going
cave swimming do you? This thread will give
you the fear. The bit that made us shudder and
close the website going "no" was the thought
of our flippers silting up the water and then
finding ourselves unable to find our way out.
The stuff of absolute nightmares.
https://twitter.com/pookleblinky/status/1457526049...
* INTRODUCING YORKSHIRE COIN - probably a gag
and yet Dogecoin was a gag and now it's worth
billions because the internet is insane. We
should jack it all in and launch Sausage coin
- store it in your ham purse.
https://yorkshirecoin.com/
* MYSPACE REVIVAL SITE CELEBRATES 1/4 MILLION
USERS - we've mentioned Space Hey before, the
social network where people roleplay an
internet before Facebook took over. Who knew
it would get so big? Maybe we WERE right to
invest all our money in CB radios.
https://spacehey.com/
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Two games for your VR foreskin helmet
* FALL SONG OR SPECCY GAME - Can you tell the
difference between a Fall song and a Speccy
game? Sent in by Monkeon who also says "A fun
quiz that's been written on Google docs and is
now making me question the time I spend on
graphics and quiz engines when you can just do
this and get the idea out quickly."
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeToqPBUc...
* SPREAD GOOD VIBES - A cheery little button
masher where you must jog around the park
greeting the other birds with a quack or a
honk. Being nice is more important than
winning, which will probably annoy your
typical gamer.
https://andyman404.itch.io/good-vibes
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What do you call a cow that you think you have
seen before but you haven't? Deja Moo.
Thanks to 'notoolsovernight' who smelt it and
dealt it.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Horror Games
We asked you to combine horror movies and
games and some of you did. As that's how
challenges work.
* Chumps introduced Jenja to the Wicker Man
https://b3ta.com/board/11354694
* The Twisted Omentum mashed up Operation with
Alien
https://b3ta.com/board/11354611
* And Andy R found the connection between The
Shining and Mario Kart
https://b3ta.com/board/11354738
* See all the other images from the 'Horror Games' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/horrorgames/popular
>> This week: Animals treating humans like animals <<
Imagine a world where animals treat humans
like we treat animals. Show us the joy of
curling up on a cat's lap and the horror of
battery farming.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalshumananimals/popu...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on previous stuff and bollocks
* IMAGINARY FRIENDS UPDATE - Matt Round
informs that the comments on his imaginary
friends project are quite fun, "This page has
the most ridiculous comments on the whole
site, dozens of people roleplaying as
relatives."
https://vole.wtf/imaginary-friends/~billon/
* OVER £1000 RAISED FOR SHELTER - in John
Higgs' appeal - if you want your name in his
next book AND fancy helping get a roof over
people's heads then there's still time to join
in.
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/john-higgs5
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Some ideas to start you off
This week we're going to offer you variations
on stuff in this very newsletter as ideas for
new projects:
* RANDOM - That Youtube classical concert
randomiser we linked earlier is a format that
could be revisited. What about on that only
plays moody instrumental music that's good to
work to? Or lovely soothing videos of people
doing woodwork.
* FALL - Is there another game that can be got
out of "Fall song or Spectrum game"? Actually,
better than that, can you make a Fall song
into a game? You could deffo get a game out of
"British People in Hot Weather".
* MOOVIES - What about editing a movie like
the cat / Jurassic Park thing? The first thing
that comes to mind is taking the scenes from
Doctor Who's Blink where the statues get
closer if you're not looking at them, but it's
a very friendly cow.
Do your best, ok ladies and Gentle Ben?
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
you.
And a special thank you to the super generous
Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Pretend you have your own supply of Walkers
Crisps by wandering around with a bag filled
with some substitute like parsnip crisps.
(Mehitabel_Itrang)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
