NEWSLETTER: "BREAKING: THE QUEEN IS DEAD IS STILL QUITE A GOOD ALBUM ACTUALLY"
This Week:
* GAME - Saturday afternoon Ikea trip simulator
* SHIT AI IMAGES - Easiest way to do them yet
* FESSHOLE - Your fancying Roger Taylor confession
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web again, and we're not
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| sorry... together"
B3ta electronic e-mail 796 - 19th November 2021
Read this newsletter to your Linux-loving mother:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue796
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making problematic facial
expressions
* ARSE OR BISHOP? - bagpuss.org writes, "Ten
years ago I made a puerile game called
Arsebishop. Now it has been updated, it looks
fresher, it works better on phones, and it has
triple the number of arses and bishops - with
more being added every day. Apart from that it
is the same old rubbish. It is mildly NSFW if
your workplace frowns upon you looking at
pictures of priests. Or the occasional bare
arse." https://arsebishop.com/
* GET PAID TO MAKE A VIDEO FOR MATT ROUND -
the designer of Can You Draw A Perfect Circle?
Asks: "Anyone want to quickly do a weird
version of one of those log fire videos for
Voleflix? I’m thinking some presents are
calmly put on the fire, maybe a Christmas
dinner, etc. Modern phone on a tripod would be
good enough quality, £100-200 budget depending
on exact approach agreed."
https://twitter.com/mattround/status/1461664120009...
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Give your man socks this Christmas
It's coming up to Christmas and it might be a
cliche to buy socks, but it's really what men
want. Men want booze, socks and cheese: so at
least sort out the socks bit at Hebtro.
They're British, they're made of wool and they
keep feet toastie.
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap likes
Each week you spew lies, jokes and occasional
home truths into a Google form and we publish
the ones we fancy publishing:
* EMBARRASSED - "Was very hungover in work a
few weeks ago so went for a lay down in the
disabled toilet but don't lock the door
properly, someone came and saw me so I had to
pretend I'd fainted"
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "I was 12 when 'I Want
to Break Free' was released by Queen. When I
saw the video, I didn't realise that the hot
blond in the school uniform was actually the
drummer. Every time I see Roger Taylor on TV,
it reminds me that I cracked a few off to him.
Cheers Roger."
* RELATABLE - "The person I've been dating has
moved cities for work, I've never done
distance before and panicked when she asked
for 'pics' and sent her one of my dinner."
Add to the 199k people who need their punched
cards inspected by Nick Berry on Heartbeat.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEFS, HTML IN Y-FRONTS
Your guide to what'll be in NTK next week
* BIGGEST RIGHT CLICK EVER - The joke about
NFTs is that you can just right click them and
not pay millions of crypto-nonce-coins for
them. This site takes it to the logical
conclusion and offers up several terabytes of
NFTs as a torrent. Should you want a load of
gack that looks like Gorillaz offcuts.
https://thenftbay.org
* CHINA.SWF - Interesting history of Flash
content in China. We honestly miss the era of
Flash, it was so convenient to get a shit game
/ quiz idea out of the door. It's so much
fiddlier doing it in HTML, the internet really
did take a step backwards the day that Steve
Jobs said no to Flash on iPhones.
https://chaoyang.substack.com/p/gold-miner-swf
* EASIEST AI IMAGES EVER - Another day,
another tool to generate images from text
using AI and gans. All this stuff looks the
same after a while, still it's fun to type
bollocks in and see what you get.
https://rudalle.ru/
* THIRD LIFE FOR SECOND LIFE - The bloke
behind Waxy.org is making his own simpler
version of Mark Zuckerberg's Metaverse dreams
with this charming voice chat / Habbo Hotel
site. Best of all you don't need a £350
headset that gives you a headache to use it.
Our prediction is that you'll probably forget
this exists and then in five years find out
that the entire Polish government has been
using it to run parliament.
https://skittish.com/
* REAL-TIME AI SINGING - More AI fun where one
person's singing voice is simulated in real
time by another person's singing voice. Give
it two years and this shit will cause tears on
Britain's Got Talent when some prick with a
laptop fakes being as good as Lloyd Cole and
the Commotions.
https://twitter.com/hollyherndon/status/1456380565...
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Two for the price of zero, good value yes?
* WHAT NATION IS THIS TUNE? A Geoguessr for
your ears. Are you more Andy Kershaw or Liz
Kershaw in your appreciation of world music?
Requires a Spotify account, so you'll get to
help musicians all around the world earn their
1p/month in streaming by playing.
https://amusicalplanet.com
* SATURDAY AFTERNOON IKEA TRIP SIMULATOR - We
generally struggle with Choose Your Own
Adventure style web games but this 'trip
around Ikea' one worked for us for a few
reasons. Firstly there was the existential
bleakness, but secondly it only gives you a
sentence or two of text before asking you to
make a decision: you are not hit with a wall
of tedious text. Good work.
https://accumulationofthings.com/twine/saturday.ht...
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Why were there so many Crusades?
Because they're so Moorish.
Thanks Natt.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
Selected from /board by the official B3ta cat
* Monkeon's entry into the animal/human swap
challenge is a thing of wonder for fans of
Roger Waters' Orwell themed long-player:
https://b3ta.com/board/11355561
* Chumps riffed off the news and presented
Boris Johnson's father as he sees him in his
mind:
https://b3ta.com/board/11355731
* Terribleman makes their debut on B3ta with a
new entry to a challenge we've managed to
leave open for ten years:
https://b3ta.com/board/11355748
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Some ideas to kick you off
Our grand theory of game design is that it's
fun to be a bit of a cunt, so here's three
ideas to explore that:
* YODEL PARCEL COURIER SIMULATOR - are you
going to sling the deliveries straight in the
bin? What about knocking and running off?
Maybe just throw a note in the general
direction of the town and go straight to the
pub.
* UNTITLED TRAFFIC WARDEN GAME - can you
ticket everyone for minor infractions? Bonus
points for kicking cats.
* EVIL LIBRARIAN - "I'm sorry but that's been
reserved" "SHHH!" "I'm afraid the fines on
that are 80p" and "No, we're sorry old lady,
we don't have that in large print"
C'mon you can develop interactive web
experiences of being an officious mug:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Love you. And a special thank
you to the super generous Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Charm attractive women into having sex with
you by quoting the Monty Python films. (Je
suis un vagabond)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
