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This Week:
* GAME - Nun Lander
* ANIM - Weebl Parody / Reader Challenge
* QUIZ - Where the fuck do Abba come from?

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B3ta email 80 - 14 Mar 2003

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  Luna Lander remade with Nuns. Of course.

  Brian Mung writes - 

  "Hi B3ta. How's tricks? I made my first game so
  I thought I'd send it your way. You have to
  land a flying nun."

  Wow. We love this. It's not a very hard game
  but it's lovely and it's funny. Go Brian. We
  want more stupid games from you.


  Can you do better?

  Jonti Picking has become rightly famous for
  his fantastic series of cartoons. He now has
  ladies, TV fame and bags of cash.

  And now? He wants you to do his work for him.
  Cheeky beggar. He's asking for animators to
  get in touch and guest direct episodes of his
  long running animation.

  B3ta editor Rob Manuel has got in there first
  and err... taken the piss. Have a look - and
  have a go if you think you're good enough.


  'cause foreigners all look the same

  Artamnesia writes -

  "I made another quiz! Are they Swiss, Swedish,
  Danish or Dutch? You need to match the celebrity
  to their nationality. That Dutch thing throws
  me every time."

  Warning: It's very hard. We suggest calling 
  some workmates over and doing it as a group.


  Jacko, Snoods, Kitty 1, Swear, Bush, Kitty 2

  >> Jacko Game <<
  "I was concerned that Martin Bashir's 
  documentary destroyed some of the 'weirdness'
  about Michael Jackson", writes IZB, "So I'm
  putting it back." Ok. For those at the back.
  IZB has taken the basic idea from 80s arcade
  favourite Gravitar/Thrust and err added
  Jacko. Obvious really and an extremely
  taxing game.

  >> Dogs In Snoods <<
  Remember the snood? We didn't and so we googled
  it. Apparently it's an 80s fashion craze that's
  inexplicably retained its popularity in the
  canine world. Look! Dogs! Wearing stupid clothes!

  >> Hunt the Kitty Game<<
  "Try and find the little trapped kitty by
  listening out for his plaintive meows.", writes
  Jez, "But be quick, he might run out of air!"
  Think of the Hotter/Colder kids game but with
  kittens. Turn on your speakers else you'll not
  do very well.

  >> Can You Swear in Foreign? <<
  A few months back we featured DIYJoe's Simon
  Swears game. As you might imagine, it was a 
  version of the 70s memory game with added
  profanity. Now DIYJoe is selflessly attempting
  to allow foreigners to play too. He's already
  made a version in Portuguese and he's looking for
  gutter mouthed foulness in other languages. Can
  you swear in another language? Eskimos have
  40,000 words for snow - how many do they have
  for cunt?

  >> Bush / Blair Political Animation <<
  "With the current situation in the Middle East,
  writes Winkles, "I though I'd make some kind
  of a biting political satire, but I couldn't be
  arsed so I made this instead." Er.. We normally
  don't like political stuff but this is so silly
  that it made us laugh.

  >> Stroke the Kitty Game <<
  "I've made a new game", writes Jibbed, "I've 
  named it Kitty Stroke. The cat needs your help.
  She's in dire need of some serious stroking
  action. Stroke that cat as if your life
  depended on it." TIP: The aim of the game is
  to follow the cat with your cursor. Great.
[link deleted coz of advertising pop ups]


  11th April 2003

  What could be better than drinking so much that
  you vomit on your own shoes and attempt to
  have fucky with a lamppost? Nothing. Nothing on
  Earth except for the B3ta party.

  Full details and map on our fantastic flyer
  designed by the very lovely Denise Wilton.
  (She'll be having a Jack Daniels and Diet Coke
  and it's your round.)


  Short anims from B3ta people

  >> Willy Construction Kit << 
  "This is short and crappy", writes SimonP, "but
  I like it." And so do we. Yay.

  >> Aero-bollocks <<
  "We did this silly cartoon", type Mr.Mantlepies
  & Mr.Fancyteeth, "It's got balls in it."

  >> Endangered Birds <<
  "I'm trying to learn flash", writes Chicago Dave
  "Is it funny?" Yes Dave, it is. Please do more
  flash stuff.


  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Homemade Tank <<
  The prestigious B3ta Best Dad In The World Award
  goes to William Johns for building his son a fully
  powered 1/5 scale Sherman Tank. Wicked. We 
  wish our dads built us stuff like that instead
  of watching cricket all day and procrastinating
  about painting the window sills. 

  >> Topless DJ <<
  Introducing Portia Surreal - she's a marketing
  dream. She's beautiful and she DJs with her
  tits out. If B3ta ran a record label we'd sign
  her and give her a number 1 record. And cry when
  she left us for a footballer.

  >> Toddlers on Motorbikes <<
  The latest craze sweeping Japan? We haven't got
  a foggiest but we do like these pictures of
  children on motorbikes. It looks horrifically 
  dangerous and is probably a human rights abuse
  but that doesn't stop it being cool.

  >> Why not be an extra in a zombie film? <<
  Simon Pegg - the guy from the UK comedy show
  Spaced - is putting together a Zombie film.
  His team is looking for extras to play Zombies.
  If you've got some free time and very bad skin
  then get it touch, it sounds like a lot of fun.

  >> Japanese English Lesson <<
  Foreign language lessons are ripe for biting
  satire. See those language schools wither in
  the blazing scorn of this gentle-hearted
  parody. We like the lion. Grr.  

  >> Mussolini Pop Video <<
  That Read My Lips clip with George Bush and
  Tony Blair has done the email rounds a lot
  recently. We've seen it about 40,000,000
  times. This clip, featuring Mussolini, isn't
  quite as politically relevant, but it's still
  fantastic. He's our 2nd favourite 20th century
  dictator and it looks like he's having an
  absolutely brilliant time. We want to join in.

  >> Dildo Song <<
  How would you advertise a dildo? Probably not
  like this. This cheery little 1950s style
  video celebrates the wonders of the plastic
  cock. You'll be humming the song for days.
  As long as you remember to hum and don't 
  sing the words too. People would spurn you.

  >> Arty Anagrams <<
  Artist Scott Kim has an unusual hobby. He looks
  for words that can be read differently upside 
  down. He has to use some weird fonts to get the
  effect to work but we guess it keeps him off
  the streets.

  >> Records that should never have been made <<
  Call yourself a music lover? Then don't bother with
  this. Here is a collection of the worst tunes
  committed to vinyl. We especially liked track 8,
  The Slave by Buck Ritchie, a booming cautionary
  tale about LSD and being a hippy. Put that in 
  your crack pipe and smoke it, you straights.


  Magazines, Telly etc.

  * WORD MAGAZINE - newly launched UK magazine
    from the team behind Q & Mojo. Brilliant.
    It's old farts living in the present: Elvis
    Costello on Pop Idol, Tony Wilson on his
    frustrations with the Internet, "Will someone
    please invent money?" and Andrew Harrison
    loving his iPod. We liked it so much that we

  * CELEBRITY FAME ACADEMY - Did you see Ruby
    Wax? Wow. Her Ethel Merman inspired version
    of Abba's Money Money Money was hilarious.
    If G.A.Y. doesn't book her B3ta will eat it's
    big gay hat.

  * REBORN IN THE USA - PopStars meets I'm A
    Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Our money's on
    Haydon Eshun and Gina G's great legs. Shame
    Mark Shaw stormed off tho. The producers should
    have bunged him 20k to stay on. Idiots make
    the best TV.


  Results from the Apocalypse Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted 'Portents of the Apocalypse':

  We asked B3ta boarder 'ediblevomit' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  EdibleVomit writes -

  #1 "The four horsemen's reign of terror -
     Definitely my favourite. It made me snort
     for the first time since I was 11. (Mozza)

  #2 "Untitled - Very Classy indeed, one of the
     best quality competition entries i have
     seen! (Eclectech)

  #3 "This would make me think something was
     up - I like the simplicity of this, very
     nicely done, one of the few pictures to
     have made me spit food onto my monitor."

  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor Dutchbird gave us
  the suggestion, "Euphemisms"



  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MOBILE PHONE RACING - Steve Denton writes,
    "My mates like to amuse ourselves by holding
    mobile phone races: set them on vibrate mode
    put them on the table. Ring them. They vibrate
    and move in funny ways - some spin round in
    circles, others move forwards or sideways.
    We haven't found an overall winner yet so
    perhaps your readers would like to do some
    research, and film it?"

  * NEW TWIST ON BARBIE SEX - people keep
    submitting this stuff. Can you make it
    different? Maybe Ken could be bum raping
    Tiny Tears? 

  * SHITLOADS OF CASH - this probably won't
    work but it's true. We would like lots
    of money. Maybe you could rob your local
    chemist? Or go on the game? 

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


  Subscribe:  [email protected]
  Unsubscribe:  [email protected]



  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David "Hot Lips" Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Fraser, Dan Century,
  Asteriod.M, The Face, Jack Dougherty,
  and Sharruma.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. 
  Proofing by the b4ta's of mass destruction.
  (61627) Yay.

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