NEWSLETTER: "I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO THAT(CHER)"
This Week:
* JOHN PEEL ROULETTE - Nostalgia now even easier
* BAGINATOR - fake your Wordle scores
* YOUR EDITOR'S VIEW ON GET BACK - via a plopcast
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving up to buy
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web from the old lady
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| who owns it... together"
B3ta email 803 - 22 Jan 2022
Read this issue out as an MP3 sync it to an iPod:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue803
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making spreadable toe jam
* JOHN PEEL ROULETTE - Rico Monkeon writes
"I've made a new thing to browse the John Peel
archives with. If there are any in the
database, it will also give you shows
broadcast on this day in history." This is a
great format, we look forward to further
versions where we can relive Simon Bates' Our
Tune.
https://monkeon.co.uk/johnpeelroulette/
* MATT ROUND'S RIVAL NEWSLETTER - The
Roundster writes "Bored of normal newsletters?
I need 100 people to sign up for my new
experiment in making email more
fun/interesting/weird. Some will get early
access to SPECIAL SECRET STUFF before the
first issue even goes out." Sign up now, it'll
probably be better than the shit we've been
sending out for twenty odd years.
https://vole.wtf/vmail/
* BRAGINTOR - Hagbardsapple has made a tool
for people who can't be arsed playing Wordle
but want to join in. He claims it's "All the
fun of Wordle without being arsed to actually
play it."
https://braginator.glitch.me/
* ROB MANUEL VS EGGPOD - Your old B3tonian
editor writes, "I have fulfilled my
middle-aged man club duties by going on a
podcast to talk about the Beatles, and I
turned it into an audio listicle." Honestly do
give it a go, it's basically an overview of
observation from watching Get Back and your
Gingerish Fuhrer stressed for two days putting
together stuff to shout from his bunker.
https://audioboom.com/posts/8016010-the-beatles-ge...
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: FROM THE ARCHIVES
Buffy's Swearing Keyboard
Back when the internet was made out of kittens
and the alt right was a key on a keyboard, we
gave you a web app that swore like a cunt if
you clacked buttons. It's been dead for years
coz Sir Clive Sinclair killed Macromedia
Director, but now it's back, sort of, via
emulation. You'll need to click the cunt, and
then start typing and it won't work on mobile
but good enough *hit publish*
https://www2.b3ta.com/buffyswear/
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
We love these fucking guys ok
Are your clothes absolutely minging? Do you
look like an absolute slob? Sort yourself out
with fine threads from the wonderful company
who sponsors both B3ta and Fesshole. They make
clothes in Britain and they make threads to
last. It's not fast fashion, it's a lasting
passion.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols
Each week you drop your spunky socks in our
washing basket and we pull out the stiffest
ones in an internet shaming ritual:
* SO VERY BRITISH - "We moved house and I
ordered fishcake and chips for a quick tea.
The next week I went back again and was
greeted with 'usual mate?' I Englishly replied
'Yes, cheers.' I've now been eating fish cakes
for over 4 years as I am too scared to ask for
anything else."
* GREGGS - "Someone was standing way too close
behind me in Greggs just now, ignoring not
only social distancing but just plain old
personal space. Overheard her order before she
placed it so I had the last two sausage rolls
she wanted."
* SCHOOL - "My child's teacher set maths
homework on the school website to answer 20
easy questions. Wife had a go using the lad's
login and bossed it. A month later he won an
award for being in the top 10 in the world.
Turns out it was an international
competition."
Join the 276k people who should have their
reel to reel tapes audited by TJ Hooker.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by some cunts
* TOM BAKER 'BREAD' SUPERCUT - do you want to
hear the best ever Doctor Who mention
congealed wheats a lot? Of course you fucking
do, you fucking love it you gluten slaaaags.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* GEORGE MARTIN IS THE BOSS - This clip of
George Martin explaining why he signed the
Beatles to his Granddaughter is absolutely
magical, the stuff of myth and it gave us
goosebumps. Yes this is a Beatles fandom
newsletter now, deal with it, it's better than
sliding into Nazis and NFTs anyway.
https://twitter.com/mashupmartin/status/1483759321...
* CHEESE INTELLIGENCE - What could be more
French than an app that uses AI to identify
cheese? Perhaps in future this technology will
be used by armed robots to prevent people
sneaking that stinky fromage that's banned
from public transport onto the Metro.
https://cheezam.fr
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: FRIDAY GAME
Play Your Wikipedia Right With Cyber Brucie
A really nice use of Wikipedia data. Put the
subjects in order of their date, and discover
some new Wiki holes to jump down at the same
time.
https://wikitrivia.tomjwatson.com
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: THIS WEEK IN IMAGES
The world as seen through Paint Shop Pro
* Andy R has taken on Boris with his guns of
satire
https://b3ta.com/board/11359614
* The Porcupine From Purgatory is talking
Operation Big Dog
https://b3ta.com/board/11359591
* Ninj gives Pat from EastEnders the CorelDraw
treatment she always needed. Next week: Nasty
Nick finally taken down in MS Paint.
https://b3ta.com/board/11359239
>> Challenge: Modernise Films <<
Our modernise films challenge is still open
and now with 170+ entries which makes it more
popular than Jesus. Third Beatles reference
there for the fans.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/modernizefilms/popular
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Ideas to jizz you up
* HEXBLOCK - auto block NFT twats on Twitter
without even clicking a button by the same of
their silly profile pictures.
* DEEZ NUTS / YOUR MUM GAME - anyone who runs
a form on the internet knows kids like to type
such phrases into them. What about a game that
detects this and then challenges the kids to
see how fast they can type DEEZ NUTS.
* MORE PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT STUFF - We'd like
Beatles songs in order of recording. Or
sorting unpleasant comedians by height.
Spaff your HTML balls in our inbox:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
you to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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What did Phil Collins say to the vet?
Well, take a look at me cow (cumquat may)
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
