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NEWSLETTER: "ISSUE 811 OF PRINCESS DIANA'S FAVOURITE NEWSLETTER, PROBABLY, HAD SHE LIVED"

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This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Books that don't exist
* INTRODUCING... The 'Gowl' Detector 
* BRITPOP - Relive the Oasis vs Blur battle 
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    the web
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 811 - 25 Mar 2022

Read this doing a Welsh accent that doesn't go iffy:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue811

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making trouble at home

  * BATTLE OF BRITPOP - Monkeon writes - "I have
  made a new trumps game for fans of 1995 chart
  scraps.  Warning: May Contain Bonehead."
  Remember the Oasis vs Blur chart battle of 26
  years ago, well this time it's back, as if it
  were a free gift stuck to Select Magazine.
https://monkeon.co.uk/battleofbritpop/

  * GOODBYE, MR GIFFY - B3ta lowers flags to
  half-mast at the news that the inventor of the
  GIF, Stephen Wilhite, has died of COVID-19. We
  pay tribute in the only way we can, linking out
  to our bot that posts random gifs from
  GEOCITIES. 
https://twitter.com/search

  * INTRODUCING THE 'GOWL DETECTOR' - James
  Kelleher has been using AI to detect 'gowls' in
  video. Now, with the newsletter team not being
  Irish we had to ask for an explanation and James
  tells us "A gowl is basically just a fool.
  Actually, 'fool' doesn’t capture it. Just an
  awful person to be around." Then James
  continues, hopefully not personally, "and a 'dry
  shite' is a complete bore."
https://twitter.com/etienneshrdlu/status/150623558...

  * WHAT A LOVELY HAT - 'Barry From The Shit Farm'
  has spent his week making a Boba Fett hat for
  his nephew. What a lucky nephew.
https://b3ta.com/links/1583802

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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
  Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage

  If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
  weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
  controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
  of British sport.

  Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
  sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed up for cheap lols

  Each week we ask you fib into a Google form and
  then we share the most entertaining fibs for
  worthless internet points:

  * GOOD IDEA FOR A NEW TWITTER ACCOUNT - "I set
  up a complaint box at work. People think HR set
  it up but it was me. At the end of every week I
  take the box home and read about all this petty
  drama that's been built up."

  * KARMA - "I had a blazing row with my husband
  about not storing our new skirting board under
  our bed, poking out & causing a trip hazard.
  That evening when he tripped over it in the dark
  and wrecked himself against the wall was one of
  the greatest moments of my life."

  * TOO RELATABLE - "My husband has started a
  football podcast with his friends and thinks he
  is now a celebrity. It's awful. I cringe every
  time."

  Now this is the bit where we boast how much the
  account has grown (430k!) and then link to it,
  however this week we're linking to the newly
  launched Instagram version that only posts the
  best one each day, as we figure repeating the
  exact same format on all platforms is too much
  like a good idea.
https://www.instagram.com/fesshole/

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Get yourself a woolly jumper

  Hebtro are now selling woolly jumpers like your
  Nan used to knit. We've already got two and will
  probably share some embarrassing photos soon
  enough. Get yours now, they're great:
https://hebtro.co/product-category/jumpers/

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: FROM THE B3TA ARCHIVES
  Pornalike Quiz

  Christ we really made some crap in the heyday of
  B3ta, this quiz is sexist, too long and the
  theme tune really irritates. If we could give
  notes to ourselves 15 years ago: mix in more
  men, have the theme tune vary a bit, we hear
  that intro too often, limit to 10 questions max.
https://www2.b3ta.com/pornalike-quiz/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff to make Sir Berners-Lee renounce his knighthood

  * FROM THIS WEEK IN CRYPTO RESISTANCE - An
  attempt to show what social media will be like
  when Jack Dorsey gets his weird tech-bro dream
  and the internet is ruined with web3 shit. A bit
  too po-faced in execution, but it makes its
  point.
https://welcome2web3.com

  * IS YOUR KITCHEN TRYING TO KILL YOU? - From the
  URL, we were expecting a troll site encouraging
  people to zap their phones to death, but this
  (to our limited knowledge) does appear to be
  something that would work should you be worried
  that your microwave is trying to kill you.
https://ismymicrowaveleaking.isotropic.us

  * THE MOST RACIST LOOKING COMEDIAN IN THE UK -
  funny skit from an English dude who looks like a
  traditional English racist but doesn't share
  such opinions. 
https://b3ta.com/links/Problems_with_looking_racis...

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Guess the actor

  An enjoyable IMDb quiz in which you must guess
  the mystery actor.  The idea that makes it work
  is that when you guess the wrong actor from the
  right film, any films they both appeared in are
  revealed, thus allowing you to make a tactical
  choice rather than it just being guesswork. 
  Shoehorned into the Wordle format for no reason
  as always.
https://actorle.com

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: BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
  The world as reimagined through Amstrad GPaint

  Each week you use pixels to make us lol and we
  hate you for it. Here's the best:

  * Happy Toast has been imagining what a lovely
  time on the beach Boris Johnson has had on his
  holidays 
https://b3ta.com/board/11363298

  * Dick Wonder has been pondering the world of
  shitting in bottles
https://b3ta.com/board/11363594

  * Monkeon has produced a stunning work of satire
  that Boris Johnson will never recover from 
https://b3ta.com/board/11362885

  NEW CHALLENGE, BOOKS - authors are remembered
  for their best work, but what about their other
  books: the shit ones that they'd rather forget?
  Show us lesser known books by popular authors.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/theirotherbooks/popular...

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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
  Some ideas to kick you off

  * AMSTRAD CPC BASIC BOT - you know those Twitter
  bots that allow you to code the BBC Micro? Can
  someone make one for the Amstrad please, as we
  only support Locomotive BASIC at B3ta Towers

  * JK ROWLING'S BUSINESS PARTNER SIMULATION - You
  play the head of the film studio that makes her
  films and theme parks. What has she said on
  Twitter now? How does it affect your bottom
  line?

  * NAME THAT DRUM MACHINE - throw up photos of
  CR78s and BOSS Dr-55's and crowdsource new names
  for them like Dave. Yes this IS a filler item as
  we couldn't think of a third item.

  Stick your content into our content hole you
  champs.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY!

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  This week an apology from Cumquat May

  Why did Bonnie Tyler subscribe to the
  Cardiologist Network YouTube channel? She wanted
  total e-clips of the heart
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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