NEWSLETTER: "B3TA OFFERS TO RESIGN IF FINED BY THE POLICE FOR PROMOTING POORLY OPTIMISED GIFS"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE RESULTS - musicians in art
* OBSCENE ACRONYMS - hiding in academic papers
* KUNT'S ASSAULT ON CHARTS - video out now
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're slurping the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | internet Kool-Aid
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta e-email 818 - 20th May 2022
Read this issue to your warty penis, sobbing:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue818
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making mimsies by squishing their dicks
* SEARCHING 32 MILLION ACADEMIC PAPERS FOR
OBSCENE ACRONYMS HIDDEN IN THE TITLES - your
editor, switching out of third person, writes,
"Never let it be said I won't drop everything
important and execute an idea on a complete
whim. I've just spent the last 24 hours
searching 32 million academic papers for rude
words that might be hidden in acronyms in the
titles. Women want me, men want to be me, small
dogs bark at me."
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/searching...
* PRINCE ANDREW IS A S****Y N***E - the video
for Kunt's new Royal-baiting track is out in
preparation for his Jubilee assault on the
charts. The aim is to get it to number 2, coz
well, they're not going to let it be number 1
are they? Do make sure you watch coz Kunt's been
kicked off YouTube, probably by the Queen
herself, as she controls such things from her
illuminati egg.
https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/15273729...
* MUSICIANS IN ART CHALLENGE - Our image
challenge is going great guns with over 173
entries. "A surprisingly good challenge"
according to someone who messaged us. Do join
in:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/musiciansart/popular/
* AI VS SEXY PHONE MESSAGES - Shardcore writes,
"In pre-internet days horny perverts had to find
each other leaving phone messages. Reflex
Records (Aphex Twin's label) released a whole CD
of them in 1999. In an 'edgy 2022 reboot' style
I took these recordings and got an AI to dream
up what they all looked like and act them out -
enjoy!"
https://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2022/05/1...
* FESSHOLE LIVE - this went really well, loads
of laughter in the room, and look at our photos
of the event, the audience, the joy in their
faces is a tonic to see.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cdf6wiLMEhZ/
* FRED'S BIG DAY - Fred Zeppelin writes, "First
in an ongoing series of adventures scripted by
and for pre-schoolers and/or morons. The first
episode was commissioned and scripted by my
niece aged 3, and she names everything Fred at
the moment, so..."
https://b3ta.com/links/Freds_Big_Day
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans
Are you bored of being naked? THEN BUY SOME
CLOTHES. Hebtroco sponsor B3ta on the basis that
the average B3tan probably needs some sturdy
jeans to last into the 2030s and beyond. All
made in Britain too but not in a Brexity way, in
a sexy way.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, fessed up, for internet points
Each week we ask you throw your fibs into a bin
and we pick out a few for cheap lols:
* TEETH - "I was photographing a wedding and a
female guest was exceptionally rude to myself
and everybody else there, so whilst editing, I
made her teeth banana yellow on every picture."
* TEABAGS - "Whenever I refill the tea bags, if
there is only 1 left in the jar, I move it to
the top so that it is the next to fulfil its
destiny and not consigned to a life of forever
being trapped under its tea bag friends."
* NONCES - "When my daughter started school we
taught her 'don't accept lifts off strangers
even if they say they're daddy/mummies friend
who's come to get you.' We put it to the test by
sending my mate to pick her up, she replied with
'daddy doesn't have friends.' The cheeky shit."
Join the over half a million people who've been
selling their own farts as NFTs since Hitler was
a baby:
http://twitter.com/fesshole
Preorder the book ok? If you don't we will send
round someone big to mash your lovely face in.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Links for the second series of Dotcomedy
* MADONNA CAN PROBABLY STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW -
you can now buy an NFT of centipedes coming out
of Madonna's vagina. NFTs are trash but at least
this is interestly mad.
https://motherofcreation.xyz
* OWEN WILSON 'WOW' API - Know Your Meme say
that the Owen Wilson Wow meme peaked around
2018, but if you are Elon Musk and never tire of
using old memes to stay down with the kids, then
this provides a useful API to access all of the
wows that have ever come out of Owen's face.
https://owen-wilson-wow-api.herokuapp.com
* AI BOLLOCKS OF THE WEEK - Someone has stuck a
load of Dril tweets into a GAN to make more
weird AI art. Thanks internet.
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1524559706...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Lyric game
In weeks when there's not a lot of other stuff,
there's always a Wordle clone. This one is a
Heardle you can play with the volume off.
https://lyricle.app
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Three ideas to kick you off
* CHUCKIE-EGG THATCHER EDITION - Matt Round
writes, "Just a simple Thatcher egg-chucking
game (first-person or side-on) would be a great
little viral thing right now"
https://b3ta.com/board/11367794
* STREAMING FOR GEN X - Spotify should buy the
Napster brand and release an app that looks like
Napster and only plays music from before the
millennium. Plus the odd glitch where you get
half a song and then someone shouting about
aliens.
* TEXT POD - a podcast where they walk through
old text adventures like Snowball by Level 9,
where they both tell you the complete story &
but also laugh a bit about it along the way. I
do not want to make this podcast. Can some nice,
nerdy and a bit funny people make it please?
If you you want to show us ceefax images of your
penis - you know were to send the PNGs:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
It's Woodkovsky's turn to apologise
Which American singer, actress and television
personality can you sit upon? Cher
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
