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NEWSLETTER: "B3TA OFFERS TO RESIGN IF FINED BY THE POLICE FOR PROMOTING POORLY OPTIMISED GIFS"

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This Week:
* CHALLENGE RESULTS - musicians in art
* OBSCENE ACRONYMS - hiding in academic papers
* KUNT'S ASSAULT ON CHARTS - video out now
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're slurping the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    internet Kool-Aid
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta e-email 818 - 20th May 2022

Read this issue to your warty penis, sobbing:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue818

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making mimsies by squishing their dicks

  * SEARCHING 32 MILLION ACADEMIC PAPERS FOR
  OBSCENE ACRONYMS HIDDEN IN THE TITLES - your
  editor, switching out of third person, writes,
  "Never let it be said I won't drop everything
  important and execute an idea on a complete
  whim. I've just spent the last 24 hours
  searching 32 million academic papers for rude
  words that might be hidden in acronyms in the
  titles. Women want me, men want to be me, small
  dogs bark at me."
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/searching...

  * PRINCE ANDREW IS A S****Y N***E - the video
  for Kunt's new Royal-baiting track is out in
  preparation for his Jubilee assault on the
  charts. The aim is to get it to number 2, coz
  well, they're not going to let it be number 1
  are they? Do make sure you watch coz Kunt's been
  kicked off YouTube, probably by the Queen
  herself, as she controls such things from her
  illuminati egg.
https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/15273729...

  * MUSICIANS IN ART CHALLENGE - Our image
  challenge is going great guns with over 173
  entries. "A surprisingly good challenge"
  according to someone who messaged us. Do join
  in:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/musiciansart/popular/

  * AI VS SEXY PHONE MESSAGES - Shardcore writes,
  "In pre-internet days horny perverts had to find
  each other leaving phone messages. Reflex
  Records (Aphex Twin's label) released a whole CD
  of them in 1999. In an 'edgy 2022 reboot' style
  I took these recordings and got an AI to dream
  up what they all looked like and act them out -
  enjoy!"
https://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2022/05/1...

  * FESSHOLE LIVE - this went really well, loads
  of laughter in the room, and look at our photos
  of the event, the audience, the joy in their
  faces is a tonic to see.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cdf6wiLMEhZ/

  * FRED'S BIG DAY - Fred Zeppelin writes, "First
  in an ongoing series of adventures scripted by
  and for pre-schoolers and/or morons. The first
  episode was commissioned and scripted by my
  niece aged 3, and she names everything Fred at
  the moment, so..."
https://b3ta.com/links/Freds_Big_Day

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some lovely jeans

  Are you bored of being naked? THEN BUY SOME
  CLOTHES. Hebtroco sponsor B3ta on the basis that
  the average B3tan probably needs some sturdy
  jeans to last into the 2030s and beyond. All
  made in Britain too but not in a Brexity way, in
  a sexy way.
https://hebtro.co/shop/

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: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions, fessed up, for internet points

  Each week we ask you throw your fibs into a bin
  and we pick out a few for cheap lols:

  * TEETH - "I was photographing a wedding and a
  female guest was exceptionally rude to myself
  and everybody else there, so whilst editing, I
  made her teeth banana yellow on every picture."

  * TEABAGS - "Whenever I refill the tea bags, if
  there is only 1 left in the jar, I move it to
  the top so that it is the next to fulfil its
  destiny and not consigned to a life of forever
  being trapped under its tea bag friends."

  * NONCES - "When my daughter started school we
  taught her 'don't accept lifts off strangers
  even if they say they're daddy/mummies friend
  who's come to get you.' We put it to the test by
  sending my mate to pick her up, she replied with
  'daddy doesn't have friends.' The cheeky shit."

  Join the over half a million people who've been
  selling their own farts as NFTs since Hitler was
  a baby:
http://twitter.com/fesshole

  Preorder the book ok? If you don't we will send
  round someone big to mash your lovely face in.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Links for the second series of Dotcomedy 

  * MADONNA CAN PROBABLY STOP THIS NONSENSE NOW -
  you can now buy an NFT of centipedes coming out
  of Madonna's vagina. NFTs are trash but at least
  this is interestly mad.
https://motherofcreation.xyz 

  * OWEN WILSON 'WOW' API - Know Your Meme say
  that the Owen Wilson Wow meme peaked around
  2018, but if you are Elon Musk and never tire of
  using old memes to stay down with the kids, then
  this provides a useful API to access all of the
  wows that have ever come out of Owen's face.
https://owen-wilson-wow-api.herokuapp.com

  * AI BOLLOCKS OF THE WEEK - Someone has stuck a
  load of Dril tweets into a GAN to make more
  weird AI art. Thanks internet.
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1524559706...

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Lyric game

  In weeks when there's not a lot of other stuff,
  there's always a Wordle clone.  This one is a
  Heardle you can play with the volume off.
https://lyricle.app

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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
  Three ideas to kick you off

  * CHUCKIE-EGG THATCHER EDITION - Matt Round
  writes, "Just a simple Thatcher egg-chucking
  game (first-person or side-on) would be a great
  little viral thing right now"
https://b3ta.com/board/11367794

  * STREAMING FOR GEN X - Spotify should buy the
  Napster brand and release an app that looks like
  Napster and only plays music from before the
  millennium. Plus the odd glitch where you get
  half a song and then someone shouting about
  aliens.

  * TEXT POD - a podcast where they walk through
  old text adventures like Snowball by Level 9,
  where they both tell you the complete story &
  but also laugh a bit about it along the way. I
  do not want to make this podcast. Can some nice,
  nerdy and a bit funny people make it please?

  If you you want to show us ceefax images of your
  penis - you know were to send the PNGs:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  It's Woodkovsky's turn to apologise

  Which American singer, actress and television
  personality can you sit upon? Cher
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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