NEWSLETTER: "MERRY KUNTMAS YOUR MA'AM"
This Week:
* KUNT CHART PLACEMENT - well yeah
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Jubilee-tastic
* INVISIBLE PHOTO OF HAM - with every purchase
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're making bunting
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | out of printed-out ZX81
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| type-ins... together"
B3ta email 820 - 04 Jun 2022
Read this issue whilst shagging a flag.GIF:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue820
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making "tribute" to the Queen
* HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY -
SonofRojBlake has been making a Disaster Area
prop using the paint 'Musou black, the blackest
conventional paint' which as Ford Prefect said
"It's so BLACK, you can hardly make out its
shape. Light just falls into it." The next stage
is to try for 'Singularity Black'.
https://b3ta.com/board/11369047
* FLOWERS FOR TURING - Joe Reddington writes,
"Every year, Internet People pledge bunches of
flowers to be placed at Alan Turing's statue in
Manchester in the UK for his birthday on 23rd
June. In the process we raise money for the
amazing charity, which helps people with
disabilities access computer games. Since 2013
we've raised over £10,000 doing this, and we
want 2022 to be our biggest year ever. Anyone
who wants to get involved is welcome. Donations
are made up of £3.50 to cover the cost of your
flowers and a £14 charity contribution to
Special Effect for a total of £17.50"
https://equalitytime.github.io/FlowersForTuring/
* THE 'LATEST CENTURIES OF SOUND' IS HERE FOR
1942 - Zuowan writes, "This immersive four-hour
mix takes you on a journey through the sounds of
the year 1942, with clips chosen from 90 songs,
30 hrs of radio, 35 movies, and all kinds of
oddities." He also tells us, "I know this is the
thing I make all the time, but this one took a
couple of months, so apologies for the
spamming."
https://centuriesofsound.com/2022/05/30/1942/
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The Kunt single 'Prince Andrew is a Sweaty Nonce'
made no 20, which is still an achievement in this
Jubilee week. Although there may have been chart
shenanigans as it was top or near the top of the
sales charts on Amazon / iTunes. Can streaming
have made that much difference? Anyway, fuck it,
as our subject line says, Merry Kuntmass your
Ma'am.
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some jeans ok?
It's the Jubilee fucking weekend. Please
celebrate by buying some jeans. Or shirts. Or
boots. All made in the UK too, so it's not going
to get some unexpected import tax slapped on it
when your postman brings them to you.
https://hebtro.co/shop/
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: FESSHOLE
Fess up your fessions you fessholian twonks
Each week you shit in a cyber-bucket and we
despair, then occasionally fish one out to ask
"does this smell right to you?"
* YAAAAS QUEEN - "Met a disgusting racist on a
hen party, which happened to be on a cruise
around Sydney harbour. She spent half of the
cruise looking for her $1000 Prada handbag,
which is now laying at the bottom of Sydney
harbour. Whoops."
* PARENTING TIPS - "Every Saturday and Sunday I
ask my 3 year old if she wants to go to nursery.
When she says 'no' I say 'ok, Daddy will let you
stay at home today.' She thinks I'm awesome."
* DIET GOING WELL - "Driving back from the
Chinese takeaway, the order was sitting on the
passenger seat & it was so heavy it set off the
seatbelt warning noise. It was only for me."
Join the half a million people who would
probably poke you in the eye if you looked at
them funny, or shout "DIDN'T HAPPEN!" or
"BORIS?!"
http://twitter.com/fesshole
Do pre-order the Fesshole book - we've been
working really hard on it this week, which isn't
anything you can see is it, but you will be able
to see it eventually. And it'll ruin everyone's
Christmas.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: DO MAKE SURE YOU COME TO EMF CAMP
It's like Glastonbury for nerds
Remember your editor Sir Robert Manuel of
Wolverhampton South West is talking at this
event on Sat night so do come down if you're
around.
https://emfcamp.org/schedule/2022
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Bank holiday links. Blinks.
* SHITTY MOVIE GAME - Can you tell if the movie
facts come from Reddit's /r/moviedetails or from
the piss take /r/shittymoviedetails. Of course
you can, as the latter are all obvious jokes,
but it is still a pretty fun way to browse the
two subreddits without having to actually go on
Reddit and risk ending up in a 4-day argument
with a brattish American in the comments.
https://shitorlegit.vercel.app
* ZX LOADING SCREEN BATTLE - This Twitter
account was set up with the purpose of finding
out what the best Speccy loading screen of all
time is. The winner was announced this week,
and whilst there are a few rounds where we
suspect love of the game beat quality of art,
it's a deserved winner.
https://twitter.com/ZXLoadingScreen
* POP CULTURE FUZZY FELT - We've enjoyed this
person's Fuzzy Felt art on Twitter for a while,
but only just realised they are all in one place
on Instagram, and so shareable. As well as being
impressively skilled at what they do, they
clearly have great taste in pop culture, making
Fuzzy Felt tributes to less obvious corkers such
as Fantastic Planet, Ivor Cutler and Threads.
https://instagram.com/capturedbythefuzz/
* "MY STUDENTS CHEATED... A LOT" - Lecturer
detailing his processes in discovering which of
his students were cheating. An absorbing and
long read.
https://crumplab.com/articles/blog/post_994_5_26_2...
* WICKERMAN CANDLES - You have bought your
Wickerman candles haven't you? Probably a bit
pricey for us, but such a good idea, so you can
shout "No! NOOOOOO!" as it burns.
https://wailingdip.co.uk/buy/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Here's the best images from last week:
* Hagbardsapple's 'Deep Worlde' amused us
http://b3ta.com/board/11368194
* Monkeon's Deep Thought computer game is worth
a click
https://b3ta.com/board/11368516
* Well it was the funniest scene ever committed
to video - thanks Atomic
https://b3ta.com/board/11368200
* See all the other images from the 'Hitchhikers
Guide to the Galaxy' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hhgttg/popular
>> This week: Jubilee <<
You probably haven't noticed but it's the
Jubilee this week. So gif and photoshop the
Queen, street parties, bunting, commemorative
plates, red white and blue sandwiches and
whatever else you can think of.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Jubilee70/popular
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Free ideas to kick you in the cock
* WHAT PERCENT ELON MUSK ARE YOU? Have you
offered a lady a horse to touch your penis? Does
your dad own an emerald mine? Are you a twat?
Etc etc.
* THE 'BOO BORIS JOHNSON' INTERACTIVE WEB THING
- you click to boo and then "There are currently
258 people booing Boris Johnson, and you have
contributed 48 boos to the 25,852,541 currently
booed so far"
* CROWD-SOURCE REVIEWS FOR EVERY CHIP SHOP IN
BRITAIN - mainly, because, we've got a great
name for it: Chip Advisor
Stick your http content up our email arse:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
It's Oyog's turn to apologise
What do kinky octopuses like?
Taint tickles.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
