NEWSLETTER: "THIS NEWSLETTER HAS RESIGNED (WHICH MEANS IT'S STILL POSTING)"
This Week:
* GAME - are people dead or alive?
* SONG - bready toast celebrated in tune at last
* QUIZ - Absurd trolley problems
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | internet slip-stream
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 824 - 08 Jul 2022
Read this issue with a sour look on your anus:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue824
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making brown bananas that don't need peeling
* TOAST SONG - Pi Bennet has written a song about
how great toast is and it's kind of charming and
reminds us that it's probably nearly 20 years
since Jonti Picking did the Badger track.
https://b3ta.com/links/TOAST:6
* THE WIKIPEDIA-BASED CELEB MORTALITY GAME -
Bagpuss.org have written a dead or alive game
and we asked them for a quote and they said,
"whoever would have imagined that 92% of people
think that Bubbles the chimp was dead".
https://is-or-was.com/
* BEATLES / JAMES BOND BOOK - John Higgs's new
book is nearly out. Can't wait to read it. One
of our favourite minds on one of our favourite
subjects: the Beatles. It couldn't be more up my
street unless he somehow wrote a book weaving
connections between the Beatles and the history
of 1980s home computing.
https://geni.us/LoveAndLetDie
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some jeans ok?
Each week we implore you to buy some clothes
from Hebtro, coz they sponsor B3ta, and more
importantly their clothes are built to last,
made in Britain and the complete opposite of
fast-fashion. Sort yourself out with some good
threads ok?
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap likes
Each week you wank into a bin that we sieve for
chunks and then hold them up to people sitting
down for dinner and ask "does this smell right
to you?"
* CUNNING - "The tooth fairy forgot to take my
son's tooth last night. I said she was probably
on strike and blamed Boris Johnson."
* JUSTIFIED - "I always tell my dog I love him.
A friend once told me that was 'a bit gay,' and
I should stop. I cut all ties with said friend,
ghosted that motherfucker the very same day. If
my border collie is reading this, love you
mate!"
* EVEN MORE CUNNING - "I've trained my son to
insist on special days like Father's Day or my
birthday that he needs to buy me a pint of beer
in the pub. I insist on a half. The pub staff
always upgrade it to a full pint free of charge
when he pays, because he's four years old.|
This week the link goes to the best of Fesshole
for April, we've got a bit behind the best ofs,
so let's try and catch up. It's a banger of a
selection btw, you'll enjoy it.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15439834653680...
PLEASE PRE-BUY THE FESSHOLE BOOK - it's going to
be out for Christmas and we've put a lot of work
into re-reading everything ever sent in (over
100,000 entries) to pick out truly the best.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
We love HTML, best of all the languages...
* ABSURD TROLLEY PROBLEMS - enjoyable set of
moral problems in the trolley format. Although
they've missed a trick by not making some
spectacular death scenes.
https://neal.fun/absurd-trolley-problems/
* COMPOUND SWEAR SCIENCE - Enjoyably studious
analysis of those slightly irritating compound
swear words like "cunt puffin". Although we do
wonder if it was all our fault with stuff like
"xylophone buggery" and "zebra bastard" from
back in, ooh, 2001. Sorry.
https://colinmorris.github.io/blog/compound-curse-...
* SISYPHUS TEACHES TYPING - type the ball up the
hill and watch it roll back down again with this
oddly addictive time sink. All our mistakes
made me realise quite how fat fingered we are.
Curse you Zeus for making us this way.
https://maxhgrobins.itch.io/mondays
* AI NEWS - This site generates AI images to go
with news stories. Obviously, no AI news will
ever take Ananova's place in my heart. If you
want a factoid now Steve Wright's no longer
doing them, then Wikipedia says Ananova was
partly based on Carol Vorderman.
https://prompt.press
* EMAIL YOUR FUTURE SELF - Send your future self
a message via the form on this site. As we'll
be at peak gammon age when we get it, we've
advised the miserable old bastard to stop
considering voting Conservative, just in case.
https://sitegeist2022.com
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: B3TA vs the BORIS JOHNSON NEWS
A photoshop special
Each week you open photoshop and occasionally the
news forces you into making some sort of satire.
Well, if you must:
* Some sort of the comment on the Boris Johnson
situation from 'Turtle Power'
https://b3ta.com/board/11371023
* Everyone is doing this pun but here's
Backrubslut's version:
https://b3ta.com/board/11370988
* SnappyUK introduces Gazza to the mix
https://b3ta.com/board/11370978
The 'popstars on holidays' challenge is still
open with over 90 entries:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/popholidays/popular/
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: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
Ideas to kick you off
* 8008135 - a social media account subtitled
"inanimate objects displaying inordinately
pleasing numbers"
* SQUATTING IN NO 10 COUNTER - how many days
since Boris Johnson said he was going to resign,
but that he's still there?
* UNBOUND FOR LPS - We do wonder why there's
not an Unbound for LPs. Yes bands do crowdfund
these things all the time, but we mean a
business that makes it easy. You raise £20k and
you get a sympathetic producer, studio time,
someone to help improve the writing, all the fun
bits that make you feel special as a musician,
rather than everything being a bedroom demo as
usual, as well as the CDs / streaming all sorted
out.
Give your content:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Hagbardsapple apologises for the following
Q. How does a Linux sysadmin treat nappy rash
when his baby won't let him apply crem?
A. sudo crem
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
