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NEWSLETTER: "THIS NEWSLETTER HAS RESIGNED (WHICH MEANS IT'S STILL POSTING)"

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This Week:
* GAME - are people dead or alive?
* SONG - bready toast celebrated in tune at last
* QUIZ - Absurd trolley problems
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  internet slip-stream
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 824 - 08 Jul 2022

Read this issue with a sour look on your anus:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue824

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making brown bananas that don't need peeling 

 * TOAST SONG - Pi Bennet has written a song about
 how great toast is and it's kind of charming and
 reminds us that it's probably nearly 20 years
 since Jonti Picking did the Badger track.
https://b3ta.com/links/TOAST:6

  * THE WIKIPEDIA-BASED CELEB MORTALITY GAME -
  Bagpuss.org have written a dead or alive game
  and we asked them for a quote and they said,
  "whoever would have imagined that 92% of people
  think that Bubbles the chimp was dead".
https://is-or-was.com/

  * BEATLES / JAMES BOND BOOK - John Higgs's new
  book is nearly out. Can't wait to read it. One
  of our favourite minds on one of our favourite
  subjects: the Beatles. It couldn't be more up my
  street unless he somehow wrote a book weaving
  connections between the Beatles and the history
  of 1980s home computing.
https://geni.us/LoveAndLetDie

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some jeans ok?

  Each week we implore you to buy some clothes
  from Hebtro, coz they sponsor B3ta, and more
  importantly their clothes are built to last,
  made in Britain and the complete opposite of
  fast-fashion. Sort yourself out with some good
  threads ok?
https://hebtro.co/

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions fessed up for cheap likes

  Each week you wank into a bin that we sieve for
  chunks and then hold them up to people sitting
  down for dinner and ask "does this smell right
  to you?"

  * CUNNING - "The tooth fairy forgot to take my
  son's tooth last night. I said she was probably
  on strike and blamed Boris Johnson."

  * JUSTIFIED - "I always tell my dog I love him.
  A friend once told me that was 'a bit gay,' and
  I should stop. I cut all ties with said friend,
  ghosted that motherfucker the very same day. If
  my border collie is reading this, love you
  mate!"

  * EVEN MORE CUNNING - "I've trained my son to
  insist on special days like Father's Day or my
  birthday that he needs to buy me a pint of beer
  in the pub. I insist on a half. The pub staff
  always upgrade it to a full pint free of charge
  when he pays, because he's four years old.|

  This week the link goes to the best of Fesshole
  for April, we've got a bit behind the best ofs,
  so let's try and catch up. It's a banger of a
  selection btw, you'll enjoy it.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/15439834653680...

  PLEASE PRE-BUY THE FESSHOLE BOOK - it's going to
  be out for Christmas and we've put a lot of work
  into re-reading everything ever sent in (over
  100,000 entries) to pick out truly the best.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  We love HTML, best of all the languages...

  * ABSURD TROLLEY PROBLEMS - enjoyable set of
  moral problems in the trolley format. Although
  they've missed a trick by not making some
  spectacular death scenes.
https://neal.fun/absurd-trolley-problems/

  * COMPOUND SWEAR SCIENCE - Enjoyably studious
  analysis of those slightly irritating compound
  swear words like "cunt puffin". Although we do
  wonder if it was all our fault with stuff like
  "xylophone buggery" and "zebra bastard" from
  back in, ooh, 2001. Sorry.
https://colinmorris.github.io/blog/compound-curse-...

  * SISYPHUS TEACHES TYPING - type the ball up the
  hill and watch it roll back down again with this
  oddly addictive time sink.  All our mistakes
  made me realise quite how fat fingered we are. 
  Curse you Zeus for making us this way.
https://maxhgrobins.itch.io/mondays

  * AI NEWS - This site generates AI images to go
  with news stories.  Obviously, no AI news will
  ever take Ananova's place in my heart. If you
  want a factoid now Steve Wright's no longer
  doing them, then Wikipedia says Ananova was
  partly based on Carol Vorderman.
https://prompt.press

  * EMAIL YOUR FUTURE SELF - Send your future self
  a message via the form on this site.  As we'll
  be at peak gammon age when we get it, we've
  advised the miserable old bastard to stop
  considering voting Conservative, just in case.
https://sitegeist2022.com

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: B3TA vs the BORIS JOHNSON NEWS
  A photoshop special

 Each week you open photoshop and occasionally the
 news forces you into making some sort of satire.
 Well, if you must:

  * Some sort of the comment on the Boris Johnson
  situation from 'Turtle Power'
https://b3ta.com/board/11371023

  * Everyone is doing this pun but here's
  Backrubslut's version:
https://b3ta.com/board/11370988

  * SnappyUK introduces Gazza to the mix
https://b3ta.com/board/11370978

  The 'popstars on holidays' challenge is still
  open with over 90 entries:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/popholidays/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
  Ideas to kick you off

  *  8008135 - a social media account subtitled
  "inanimate objects displaying inordinately
  pleasing numbers"

  * SQUATTING IN NO 10 COUNTER - how many days
  since Boris Johnson said he was going to resign,
  but that he's still there?

  * UNBOUND FOR LPS  - We do wonder why there's
  not an Unbound for LPs. Yes bands do crowdfund
  these things all the time, but we mean a
  business that makes it easy. You raise £20k and
  you get a sympathetic producer, studio time,
  someone to help improve the writing, all the fun
  bits that make you feel special as a musician,
  rather than everything being a bedroom demo as
  usual, as well as the CDs / streaming all sorted
  out.

  Give your content:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  Hagbardsapple apologises for the following

  Q. How does a Linux sysadmin treat nappy rash
  when his baby won't let him apply crem?

  A. sudo crem
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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