NEWSLETTER: "FUCK ALAN SUGAR, FOLLOW B3TA ON MYSPACE"
This Week:
* BEST B3TA IMAGES - as posted this week
* BUY MATT ROUND - he's for sale, sort of
* MAKE AI POKEMON - if you like, no one is making you
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're confused if
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the world is doomed
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| or not ... together"
B3ta email 838 - 18 Nov 2022
Read this issue in a loud voice on the train:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue838
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making the authorities nervous
* BUY MATT ROUND - The Vole.WTF operator says,
"They say everyone has their price... so we
calculated ours! It's the perfect ecommerce site
for bored millionaires and desperate SEO
managers with link targets." Mainly we enjoyed
this for the 'barter bot' that allowed us to see
how low Matt would go.
https://vole.wtf/buy-this-site/
* MJ HIBBETT MAKES ANOTHER VIDEO - this one
something about having a bad back. Oh the perils
of being an ageing cult figure on the internet.
Not something we know about, as we're very very
young.
https://b3ta.com/links/Bad_Back_Osteopaths_Of_Glor...
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, dished up as entertainment
Each week you shit in a bin and we fish bits out
and ask the internet "are you horrible enough to
click 'like' on this?"
* PORN - "I had to fake a call to Virgin Media
in front of my wife - including pretending to
hold for 10 mins - after porn appeared on the
telly while the kids were watching. I'd
accidentally screencast it while enjoying a
private moment upstairs."
* CUNNING - "I found some car keys on the ground
in a car park. Before handing them into lost
property I swapped their clubcard key ring for a
spare one of mine so they'd rack up points for
me."
* REGRET - "For 10 years my husband has wanted
me to poo on him in bed. I've always said no
because I think it's disgusting. About two weeks
ago, I gave in and did it. It was completely
disgusting, he looked repulsed, barely touched
it and neither of us has mentioned it since."
Follow now on a network that is possibly burning
to the ground just at the point we've got over
700,000 followers.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Buy the book, buy the fucking book, either on
Amazon, or in Waterstones as we understand
they're stocking it and sticking it on tables
like a proper novel by Jeffrey Archer.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Christmas means durable stocking fillers
It's coming up to Christmas, so it's time to buy
the men in your life some durable jeans and
shirts so they look swish for the new year. Buy
lots of them too so that Hebtro don't think it's
a bad idea to keep sponsoring this terrible
newsletter. Link goes to all the new stuff, so
get gift buying.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Future broken links for the WayBack Machine
* AI POKEMON GENERATOR - fun to be had by typing
stuff like 'Hitler' and 'Donald Trump' to see
the Pokemon it spits out.
https://replicate.com/lambdal/text-to-pokemon
* I DO NOT WANT A MASTODON - the recent Twitter
meltdown has produced a playable RPG, which to
be fair, we haven't played, but we're amused
that it exists.
https://www.patreon.com/posts/i-do-not-want-745554...
* WATCH THE DEATHTHROWS OF TWITTER - The
web3isgoinggreat.com format has been
reappropriated here in order to follow Elon's
progress in the trashing of his new toy. The
killer feature of the web3 site was a totaliser
showing how much money has been lost over time.
Perhaps a similar thing could be done to show
how much of Elon's reputation as a tech genius
has evaporated so far.
https://twitterisgoinggreat.com
* BEST ANIMATED PIXEL ART EVER? This person is
creating a massive pixelly animation, one block
at a time. Like a geek culture version of The
Garden of Earthly Delights, it's a joy to browse
around and look at the weird shit going on.
Hopefully they've put a Where's Wally in there
somewhere to find. Jim'll Paint It should do a
British version.
https://floor796.com
* CUTE PUZZLE GAME - We remember enjoying the
prototype of this puzzle which was released last
year, and it's now become a daily challenge
site. Based on the river crossing puzzle, it
requires similar thinking to solve, though the
dog doesn't eat the bunny if they sit on the
same circle, so less peril.
https://dogbunnypuzzle.com
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: BEST IMAGES THIS WEEK
The bestest images from b3ta slash board
* Happytoast makes Elon Musk joke
https://b3ta.com/board/11381416
* Monkeon makes Tory joke
https://b3ta.com/board/11381341
* Monkeon makes Zuckeberg joke
https://b3ta.com/board/11381519
If using CorelDraw to make humorous images is
your "bag" then boy do we have the internet
website for you.
https://b3ta.com/board
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* SQUINTHUB - a porn site where the blurry
low-res pics get sharper the more people look at
them
* THE 'LEVETIN EFFECT' GAME - people are quite
good at remembering the pitches of songs, that
could be a game couldn't it?
* A VERSION OF FESSHOLE FOR JUST PEOPLE
CONFESSING TO KISSING TORIES TO CELEBRATE KEIR
STARMER'S RECENT CONFESSION - we could probably
make this just from the unpublished stuff.
You can talk to us. If you're lonely you can
talk to us.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Bhison makes his apologies
Why are shoes like a naughty greengrocer?
They come in pairs.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
