NEWSLETTER: "IF YOU OPEN ONE B3TA NEWSLETTER THIS YEAR, LET IT BE THIS ONE"
This Week:
* 90s JOKE INTERNET - revived for your "lols"
* PRODUCTIVITY WEBSITES - now all blocked
* SUPPORT KUNT - F*ck the Tories for No 1
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're printing out the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web on a dot matrix
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| printer ... together"
B3ta email 842 - 16 Dec 2022
Read this issue at a funeral for a Sinclair QL:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue842
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
Other than making their old teachers disappointed
* GUESS THE AI PROMPT - Prakhar897 writes, "Hey,
I created an AI art based Wordle type game: You
get an image generated from a "hidden" prompt
and you have to guess the prompt." Actually
quite fun to play, although the prompt never
seems to be "rip off a load of artists and make
them grumpy"
http://diffudle.com/
* NEW MONKEON CONTENT ABOUT OLD INTERNET CONTENT
- "I have a new thing!" trills Britain's better
version of Neal.Fun, "I wanted to make a random
button for the whole Internet Archive, but my
test threw up too much NSFW and fash conspiracy
shit, so I went to my safe space of the 1990s
and made a button for the Wayback Machine using
DMOZ data from the time instead." This is a
treasure trove of content, and someone should
make a 'depths of old lols internet' social
media project too.
https://monkeon.co.uk/90s-web-humor-button/
* THE PRODUCTIVITY BLOCKER - Stevenjnass writes,
"While there are plenty of Chrome extensions for
helping you focus, this is the first one that
blocks productive websites so you can relax. It
currently blocks over 80 productive websites
including: Slack, Fiverr, Duolingo, Linkedin and
Dropbox. The extension is free and exists mostly
as a parody of our glamorisation of always
working, hustle culture." Nice idea. Next week:
a reverse adblocker that replaces news articles
with even more ads. Hooray!
https://www.productivityblocker.com/.
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINKY-DINKY
Buy a 'Day Book'
Thank you to REPEAT B3ta newsletter sponsor
Keith Ford - who wrote, "I ran out of Day books
in my office, and saw shops wanted £20 for a new
Moleskine so I designed a custom day book." And
now he writes, because he's bought a second
advert, "The ad worked, and I got a few sales.
How about I bung you another couple of hundred
and we run this? I want to be fair, especially
with B3ta readers, so want to offer cost price
to them."
https://bit.ly/3hSmrJ8
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #2
Wow, a rare second b3ta people section. Busy!
* F*CK OFF TORIES - Kunt's campaign to f*ck up
the charts with "F*ck Off Tories" officially
starts today. Download and steam the tracks now.
We recommend the Cassette Boy remix.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Kunts_vs_Cassetteboy
And the complete list is here:
https://theconservatives.info/
* CALENDAR: LAST CHANCE TO BUY - Christhebarker
has made a calendar of all his art/comedy
photoshops, and for our money it's the best
version of his merch as you can stick a calendar
on a wall, unlike a book, and it's much much
cheaper than prints. Buy now, as it looks
fantastic. BTW: He's also got an exhibition
starting this Saturday at the Museum Of Comedy
in that London. So check that out too - using
your eyes and feet.
https://shop.printtrail.com/product/the-art-of-lig...
* WATCH A B3TAN FUCK UP MAKING AN OMELET - Fred
Zeppelin writes, "a genuine best first attempt
to recreate the Korean Tornado Omelet. A partial
success!" We fancy trying this now although we
suspect we'd be equally shit.
https://b3ta.com/links/How_Hard_Can_It_Be
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Christmas means durable stocking fillers
It's coming up to Christmas, so it's time to buy
the men in your life some durable jeans and
shirts so they look swish for the new year. Buy
lots of them too so that Hebtro don't think it's
a bad idea to keep sponsoring this terrible
newsletter. Link goes to all the new stuff, so
get gift buying.
https://hebtro.co/new/
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for shit lols
Each week you shit into a bucket and we swill it
around looking for "shit gold" like some
old-timey prospector in the great turd rush.
Here's the chunkiest:
* PATHOS - "I drink alone in the pub. Every time
I return to my table I see my phone has lit up
and I get a glimmer of hope it's a text from a
friend. It's not, it's my bank telling me I've
just spent money on the pint I bought."
* THE LIFE WE WANT - "As a junior recording
engineer, I accidentally erased a small part of
a song by a major band. Spent an entire night in
the studio alone repairing it with bits from
later on in the song. When I hear it on the
radio now, the fear comes back."
* RELATABLE - "I once paid £3.99 to stream a
film on Amazon because I couldn't be arsed to
get up for the DVD I had on the shelf not 15ft
away."
Join the, fucking hell, 793k people who follow
this in the mistaken belief it might be funny
like that account which rates shit Guinness
pints or that bongs on the hour like Big Ben.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
And of course, here is the plea to buy the book,
as it's the dream of every chancer cunt who
opens a novelty social media account to get a
book deal. No really, it's good, we put loads of
effort into making it readable, it's not very
much money and is an ideal Christmas present for
a horrible child.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Your future link-rot despair on archive.org
* ULSTER TV COMMERCIAL BREAK IN 1973 - the mix
of terrible cheap adverts and alerts about
terrorism is quite the aesthetic as morons would
say. We would like a whole Look Around You spin
off in this style.
https://twitter.com/CFBClips/status/16027357270533...
* NOKIA SNAKE ADVENTURE - Now, we like Snake and
we like flip-screen map-making, but no need to
find out which is best, as this combines the
best of both worlds with a lovely bit of retro
glitch design.
https://toulou.itch.io/strgsnek
* BIG GAME OF LIFE - An impressive bit of coding
that could really do with a big ABOUT button to
let people know what it is up to. Basically,
Conway's Game of Life is given extra dimensions
which you can browse by dragging and scrolling
your mouse wheel to zoom in and out of its
infinite patterns. Probably of interest to the
mushroom enthusiasts in your life.
https://oimo.io/works/life/
* WHAT SONGS MEAN, ACCORDING TO AI - We suspect
we're going to see a lot of text-based AI
projects over the coming months, gradually
killing Google with its guff. This is the most
interesting one we've seen this week - an AI
that tries to tell you what a song is about. As
always, typing in stupid questions and hoping it
amuses you with a bad answer seems the best use.
https://songtell.com/frankie-goes-to-hollywood/rel...
* STEVEN SEAGAL CHOKE HOLD DIORAMA. That Bobby
Fingers has been at it again. Set aside 30 mins
of your life and get into this weird zone.
https://b3ta.com/links/Steven_Seagal_Choke_Hold_Di...
* FIRST TECHO RECORD EVER? Manuel Gottsching,
Kraut rocker from Ash Ra Tempel died this week,
and let's celebrate his genius by listening to a
60 minute track he made to listen to on his
Walkman for a flight in 1984, and possibly
accidentally invented techno in the process.
https://b3ta.com/links/Manuel_Gottsching_RIP
-------------------------------------------------
: OH AND WE SHOULD PIMP THE FESSHOLE SHOW AGAIN
December 21st, that London
Do come because your editor plans to do the show
and then hang around and chat with
b3tans/fessholians who fancy getting arseholed
just before Christmas.
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Ideas to start you off
* ELON MUSK RPG - it would probably be quite fun
to play a Musk RPG where you can live out your
thin skinned fantasies of banning all your
critics from your web forum for posting mean
things and shoot off a few space rockets.
* A "THAT LONDON" AMBIENT SOUND BOARD - tube
trains, taxi drivers being racist, err you think
of the rest.
* A MORAL COMPASS PLUG-IN FOR CHROME - that
tells you if using a website is morally dubious
or not. (Please don't make us leave Twitter and
stop linking to Amazon, oh God.)
Send your content in, go on, we do look at
everything. With our eyes.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
Oh fuck it, we've got a bonus Elon idea.
@ElonLocationTracker social media account and it
mostly posts stuff like "SPACE X HQ, on the toilet,
masturbating and crying about Grimes"
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Christhebarker apologises for this
What's the difference between the Royals and a
sandwich filling? Nothing, they are both in
bread.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
